Is this behaviour bizarre? (IL related)

[justaquicknamechange1]

Have nc'd as have told a few friends about this in RL and obviously don't want to be outed.

DD has her first session at nursery next week - she's doing an hour long settle session. She's only ever been left with DH, for a maximum of 2hrs, so I am dreading it a little bit (more so for me, I'm sure she'll be fine).

ILs have asked if they can come and "see her off" aka watch me drop her into nursery. I said no because a. There's absolutely no need for them to come. They can't come into the nursery, they'll literally be watching me and her walk in through the door; b. DD doesn't see them very often so it will just add to the confusion; c. I might get upset, DD might get upset and they'll just be there with their judgy pants on and most importantly d. I don't want them there.

MIL's now posting on social media about feeling pushed out, uninvolved etc.

Before I tell DH to give her head a wobble, what's the general consensus on this?

Bloody odd. We had friends whose parents insisted on coming to see their grandchild off to the first day at primary school. Thought that was bloody strange.
They have had their time with their own children. Time to back off
Your text was fine, don't engage anymore wrt the situation

It is weird. And when does it stop? When I dropped DS off for his 11 plus (not this year) some poor kids were accompanied by parents, grandparents and siblings milling about the car park. It was like a family day out.

Oh your message was very nice, bizarre reaction from her then, did she reply to you at all? (as in personally not that SM post)

@ShadowCat17

Very strange behaviour. “Normal” GP’s want to be involved in milestones of course, but if they were really that interested, they would prefer seeing her afterwards going by your text as at least they could spend time with your DD. The fact she’s posted it on SM says more about projecting a certain image. I’d lay money down on her just wanting a picture for the day to post on SM but without having to do any actual GPing bit. Has she form for this kind of behaviour or mentioned anything about being pushed out before?

This is the first milestone I guess. She made a big song and dance on FB about DD's first meal out when she was about 3 weeks... except it wasn't, DH and I had taken her out for lunch the week before but hadn't posted it on SM

She's 84?

@AryaStarkWolf

Oh your message was very nice, bizarre reaction from her then, did she reply to you at all? (as in personally not that SM post)

She read my message and didn't reply.

Yes @HollowTalk, unbelievably.

She read my message and didn't reply.

How rude. I'd let your DH deal with her in that case

From her reaction I thought that your message must have been "Fuck off"!

I don’t think it’s odd to see her going to nursery from a distance, but the social media comments are.
I would publicly comment but I hate my MIL so it’s easy 😂

Uggh. Self-centred vague booking. Ignore it, your message was perfectly polite.

Your mil is a wanker.

Could she have misinterpreted what is actually happening? She may be thinking it's a ”Grandchild starting nursery” big event and not gradual settling in sessions. I’m sure that when I went to nursery too many years ago that I just went full sessions and no settling in time. Reiterate that you're happy to drop in afterwards so she can see her on the day but it's not a family activity!

My childrens grandparents never had much to do with my kids....so they wouldn't have been told about first day at nursery in the first place.

OP I hope your DD settles into nursery well

Your mil is nuts.

Very odd. Tell her the nursery only allow one adult.

Yes, that's strange. It wasn't so bad of them to ask, since it occurred to them and they thought it might be nice for some reason, but the answer you gave was reasonable, and it's not as though they'll actually be missing much. To go complaining on FB afterward is over-the-top ridiculous.

Prime time to let dh deal with any messages from now on. He can pander to her.
Tell him you already have a toddler to deal with.

Id reply on social media;

"Aw I hope it's not me saying DD may get confused with you waving her off at nursery on her first morning thats upset you. You know we'd never push you out, we'd like to see you more! Have you thought anymore about coming over after? That way she can tell you how her first day was and spend quality time with you"

What a pathetic self centred woman.

It's nice that they want to be involved but that is a bit over the top and the facebook passive aggressive thing was too much. I remember my grandad coming round to our house the day before I started school and giving me an alarm clock. Maybe your MIL could buy her a bag for nursery or a water bottle if she wants to be part of it.

I think it’s pretty weird to ask to be honest...I mean seriously!

Does she have form for pouting and fussing ?

No, this is proper odd. And really entitled too.

Have gin then like her comment on social media?

(That's the kind of thing I would accidentally do)

I have to say dropping my children off at nursery for the first time was a none event. One of them started in September and we were only allowed to walk them to the gate because of covid. There were around 5 other parents dropping off for the first time too, I’d have found it seriously odd if they had brought along their extended family to stand and watch. It took all of 10 seconds for the nursery teacher to open the gate and them walk in. It really wasn’t anything special to stand and watch!

You’re only allowed to have 1 person drop off at the moment anyway, you could maybe pretend your nursery has the same rule, only 1 parent or carer on site at a time.

See i get how the first day of school attracts this sort of request. However, their presence at this sort of event may confuse and be counterproductive for your child. Thought your text was spot on.