Is this behaviour bizarre? (IL related)

[justaquicknamechange1]

Have nc'd as have told a few friends about this in RL and obviously don't want to be outed.

DD has her first session at nursery next week - she's doing an hour long settle session. She's only ever been left with DH, for a maximum of 2hrs, so I am dreading it a little bit (more so for me, I'm sure she'll be fine).

ILs have asked if they can come and "see her off" aka watch me drop her into nursery. I said no because a. There's absolutely no need for them to come. They can't come into the nursery, they'll literally be watching me and her walk in through the door; b. DD doesn't see them very often so it will just add to the confusion; c. I might get upset, DD might get upset and they'll just be there with their judgy pants on and most importantly d. I don't want them there.

MIL's now posting on social media about feeling pushed out, uninvolved etc.

Before I tell DH to give her head a wobble, what's the general consensus on this?

My ILs do this. I thought it was strange but the kids absolutely love seeing granny and grandad as they get out of the car. Quick photo and then off to Nursery waving like a lion at their grandparents. They've done it for Nursery and first day of school for all. It meant a lot to them.

That's really strange, I think your reply and offer was really nice. Perhaps she's doing it for a reaction on SM - don't give her the satisfaction. Just block her so you don't see her messages and carry on with your life.

It’s a weird request even in normal times, but especially now with social distancing at drop off time etc. Plus it would be overwhelming for your child who might be unsettled going in even without additional family members.
Your MiL not replying to you is rude. Your MiL posting on social media is incredibly immature, not to mention over the top considering what it’s about.
Your text message was lovely!

Ugh, I'd never shoehorn myself into 'occasions' like this, my priority is DGC's comfort and happiness and it's obviously best for them to keep things low key and calm. I don't understand performance GP-ing, nor what people get out of SM showboating, what matters to me is that my GC know I love them and always do what's best for them. Ignore her OP, you're doing what's best for your DC and it's not your fault that she can't seem to do the same

Very weird of her. And yes, our nursery only allows one adult at pick up and drop off because of COVID.

Nothing wrong with wanting to 'see her off'. Nothing wrong in not wanting them to 'see her off'. Bleating about it on social media would tip me over the edge though. I'd have to reply 'If you're going to get pushed out, it'll be over posting shit like this on social media'.

'See her off?'

She's going to nursery. For an hour. She's probably spent longer in Sainsburys.
Your text was perfectly polite. She's not a prop for MILs social media posts.

I'd be surprised with current covid restrictions that more than 1 person is allowed to drop off/pick up at nursery anyway! Gets you out of some things hey?

MIL's now posting on social media about feeling pushed out, uninvolved etc.

For that shit, I would unfollow. Can't stand Facebook passive aggressive comments, silly cow.

Yes, it's odd behaviour and no it's not in her best interests to add to the emotionality of it. Also, from a really practical level (haven't read the whole thread, so maybe someone suggested this already), but:

(1) at our nursery, only one parent is allowed at drop off due to COVID restrictions. It would be requested you not bring anyone else - especially presumably people outside your household, mixing on a day a new child is being introduced to the bubble.

(2) there are no photo opportunities at nursery. Ours has a strict no photos/no cameras or phones out anywhere on the premises (inside or out in the garden and I assume this would include the car park). It's a safeguarding issue because there will be children who are vulnerable for whatever reason. So if that's what they're after, it's a no go.

I would just say, sorry, nursery policy, you are welcome to come visit at the weekend if you wish or whatever (and you can have a socially distanced, no mixing indoors or whatever is not allowed in your area) meet up.

Your reply was fine! Let her boohoo all over SM. Her behaviour pretty much confirms she's in it for the 'likes' and SM kudos, and doesn't really care whether it might be too much for her grandchild to cope with.

@liveitwell

Id reply on social media;

"Aw I hope it's not me saying DD may get confused with you waving her off at nursery on her first morning thats upset you. You know we'd never push you out, we'd like to see you more! Have you thought anymore about coming over after? That way she can tell you how her first day was and spend quality time with you"

What a pathetic self centred woman.

This is a fab message. Your mil sounds really mean.

Our school is asking g one parent/carer at drop off times just now. Not only does that make it a bit less of a fuss for a small child on their first day, but it gives everyone more room to keep apart from each other.

Your MIL is being ridiculous and self centred.

Imo certainly no need to apologise for not including her in a 'first' of your own dc!! Pandering will up her game op...

Wounded?!

OP, of course YANBU. Unless she’s incredibly stupid she’ll realise her Facebook outpourings make it less likely than ever that she’ll be invited to attend such “milestones” in future.

Why don’t they see you often?

She's going to nursery. For an hour. She's probably spent longer in Sainsburys

This.

Weirdos

This is extremely besides the point, but I have to say I'm very impressed with your MIL being 84 and au fait with social media. My DM is in her mid 70s and thinks Facebook looks far too technical for her.

Also, I've told her it will eat her soul.

YANBU - they are very odd. Good luck!

I've a friend who is a grandmother and would be exactly like your mil. She is 50 years old,hm has 4 gc and 3 of them are constantly plastered on sm by her. The mother of the 4th gc has told she's not allowed post pictures of him so the gm bypasses this instruction by photographing him from behind. Every event,no matter how minor, is hyped up as a major family day/photo op.

@PoppyOppy

She's going to nursery. For an hour. She's probably spent longer in Sainsburys

This.

Very strange, I’m the furthest from being confrontational usually but that would of pushed me to tell them directly to give their head a bloody wobble and grow the fuck up!

DH has called her out on her SM posts - apparently they were "about something else" but refused to divulge what this is

She's still not replied to my text but no real issue, I'd prefer not to take DD round. Just thought it was a nice thing to do.

Spoke to SIL and apparently when DNephew started school (before I was in the family), MIL sobbed hysterically at the gates. Really, really odd behaviour.

If you want to make a point replying on her SM with the Sainsbury's comment would work. Or say she is going for an hour not waving her off to boarding school. As @weirdfan said she is trying to shoehorn herself in when not needed. Some think every event is a must attend event. She has obviously seen others say about first day of school (still not needed) and has decided she needs to attend this. Surely it would mean that you would have to arrive even earlier to have a conversation with them unless they literally plan to lurker around a nursery (like that isn't weird at all) to wave at her and not speak to her. Bizarre normally even more so now. Say they can go to an open day/event there in the future

Sadly SM has completely shifted the goalposts over what's batshit crazy.

Your question is 'is it bizarre?' Well yes, in the real world it's crackers. Meanwhile on FB world it's important and essential and it's a complete rejection, because they won't have a picture to post, along with a status update that says 'Distraught. Our baby is growing up so fast'. And then no 'u ok hun' responses and lots of gushing sympathy.

SM may have done a lot of good, but it also has a lot to answer for.