Children are your greatest achievement

[Lelophants]

Anyone feel the same or am I just a misery guts?

I love ds so much and think he is wonderful but I dont really see him an an achievement of mine! Mil and a few other people go on about how they've had lots of jobs but their children are their biggest achievements!

I just feel like if ds is a good person that's because of him!! Siblings can be vastly different with similar parenting. It can't all be down to me!

Is this something you feel later on? He is only a toddler.

It would be nice if he felt like an achievement I suppose!

People chat shit.

I completely agree my son is amazing and so lovely I am lucky to have him. But my greatest achievement is not successfully getting pregnant and having a lovely child (thats good fortune)

At the moment, i definitely feel like DD is a huge achievement, but that's because she's a baby and objectively the most gorgeous thing on the planet () and when i look at her i just think "oh my god i made that!"

The person she is, who she becomes, her thoughts and skills and behaviour, those will be a huge joint effort from lots of people including herself. Her existence?? All me (well, DH helped a bit i suppose).

I went to a group interview for a job once and people were talking about what they would say if the 'what is your greatest achievement?' came up in the one to one interview. Most of the group said they would say their children. But I don't think that's the required answer.

Nope. I have children's and they are great, but they aren't my achievement.

I definitely feel like my daughter is an achievement, but this amongst other things in life. She probably has the edge of ‘greatest’ achievement but I’m proud of multiple aspects of my life.
I guess it comes down to what I expected from my life and I’ve achieved all of these things; having children possibly being the biggest thing I wanted to achieve. I suppose what I’m saying is for me it’s all about perspective.

I’ve just muddled through life, never really ambitious work wise, but worked over 40 years in various office jobs, so yes if someone said what’s your biggest achievement, then I would say my 2 adult sons along with owning my own home at 21 and apart from first car loan and mortgages, have never owed money.

They are not my greatest achievement but are the ‘things’ that bring me the most joy and that I am most proud of. They are turning out to be amazing young people.

Not necessarily the greatest but am I extremely proud of the way our children have turned out and is that mainly down to parenting? Absolutely.

For some people they are, for many of us they aren't. DD was born just after our 19th wedding anniversary, but she is only one of my achievements. Passing my driving test was also a massive achievement as was a big promotion at work.

For those who say yes they are,
Is Bob your greatest achievement or is being a parent? Is Sue a bigger achievement than Bob if she's more successful / nicer? Just curious how it frames in your head if one went off the rails day having had the same parenting?

I think my greatest achievement might be SURVIVING Parenthood 🤣

Well, the Google definition of achievement is "a thing done successfully with effort, skill, or courage.". So I can see how raising children into happy, functional adults can be seen as a great achievement.

I can see how 'raising' children might be an achievement but the children themselves aren't.

I think if they are your achievement, you have to accept they may be your failure too.
Both my DDs are struggling massively right now. So I do feel I have failed them in some way (though I didn't cause medical problems or the pandemic). But also I realise that without me they would have struggled in other ways.

There are 3 aspects, genetics, nature, and nurture. You can really only impact via the last.

I have good friends without children who are doing phds and I think wow, that's an achievement! Whereas I feel like whatever I do ds will muddle along and be whoever he turns out to be. Having kids is something I've always wanted but I as long as you're lucky, I dont feel like it takes much work to get pregnant! Unless you have fertility issues. But having a baby in itself I think is a personal want. Maybe having 6 is an achievement, I dont know!

I don't think having unprotected sex is a great achievement really! DS is great but it was nothing but good luck that he came into existence. Maybe when he's grown up into a spectacular adult, I'll be proud but at the moment, it's mainly a matter of keeping him alive (he's 15 months...). I'd like to set the bar a bit higher than that!

I just don't feel like it's all because of me! But maybe I should think that way.

@mynameiscalypso

I don't think having unprotected sex is a great achievement really! DS is great but it was nothing but good luck that he came into existence. Maybe when he's grown up into a spectacular adult, I'll be proud but at the moment, it's mainly a matter of keeping him alive (he's 15 months...). I'd like to set the bar a bit higher than that!

Mayhe it's the age, I feel the same.

Toddler DS is my pride and joy, I love him more than anyone ever.

I don't think he's my biggest achievement though. I'm not sure what I'd say it was, depends on the context.

I was thinking around this topic yesterday as I read a book where the mother really struggled because her teenage kids weren't 'perfect' and she was so invested in her version of what their lives should be (I don't think I'm explaining it very well) - I think this resonated with me as my parents were/are overbearing and controlling over me when I was younger - they very much wanted to 'own' my achievements...so maybe a sensitive subject for me!

I think a previous poster has nailed it raising children in a way you (but much much more importantly they) are happy with is an achievement but children are people in their own right and so are no one else’s achievement. My children are my absolute favourite things in my life rather than my achievement.

For me, a 'greatest' achievement would need to be something that not anyone would be able to do, given the same fortune as you.

Well, on the flip side. As a 36 year old who never had the children she always hoped she would, plenty of people with children treat me like I’ve failed and am strange for not marrying or having children. I definitely get the sense of not having achieved something.

However, when I was much younger and a couple of friends in their early 20s got pregnant to one night stands or lads that didn’t want to stick around I’ll admit to thinking “why are you so proud that you had unprotected sex and did something that most human bodies have the capability to do?” when they’d get smug.

I think parenting well is an achievement, plenty of people are parents but don’t put much effort or thought inti it.

I think people who say children are their greatest achievement are just saying they’re prod of them which is nice.

I think happy, well-adjusted, kind kids are a great achievement.

*into