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Original poster

Children are your greatest achievement

117 replies

Lelophants · 01/12/2020 08:30

Anyone feel the same or am I just a misery guts?

I love ds so much and think he is wonderful but I dont really see him an an achievement of mine! Mil and a few other people go on about how they've had lots of jobs but their children are their biggest achievements!

I just feel like if ds is a good person that's because of him!! Siblings can be vastly different with similar parenting. It can't all be down to me!

Is this something you feel later on? He is only a toddler.

It would be nice if he felt like an achievement I suppose!

OP posts:
Potplant · 01/12/2020 13:01

Mine are a bit older so when I see them being polite, kind and making good decisions I can pat myself on the back a little bit. Then one of them spends all his lunch money on pepperamis and I stop feeling so smug.

I have put a lot more effort into my DCs than anything else I’ve ever done, but that doesn’t mean I’m not proud of my career, education, other achievements.

I do Hmm when I see people with tiny babies listing them as their greatest achievement.

Whattheactual20201 · 01/12/2020 13:02

I have a good career, my own house earns pretty successful at 28 years old but I still see my kids as my greatest achievement. Not the conceiving or having them part but that How I raised them and what wonderful children they are.

Requinblanc · 01/12/2020 13:02

Is 'achievement' the right word though? maybe one of the greatest joy or source of happiness.

Kids are individuals in their own rights rather than just a product of parenting...

Maybe the action of helping raise happy kids who become happy adults is the achievement.

Cashewrut · 01/12/2020 13:03

Unless you cured cancer, raising well-adjusted children is likely to be your biggest achievement. It requires substantial energy, commitment, self sacrifice in terms of time (quality over quantity) on the parents' part.
Work is work. People make businesses and society. They impart values and knowledge that define the world tomorrow.
There was another interesting thread before on how great achievers eg virtuoso, inventors, business and political leaders who achieve lots usually at some cost to their personal life.

MrsBobDylan · 01/12/2020 13:03

My kids are not my achievement but being a parent is the job I've felt most confident and comfortable with. And actually enjoyed, which I can't say about working in an office.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/12/2020 13:04

@Scolha

Getting out of an abusive relationship and overcoming depression are my biggest achievements.
Exactly, live changing, required grit and determination, isn't the default action aka not letting your kids starve like the pp who thought avoiding malnutrition in the western world was special
plussize · 01/12/2020 13:50

i wouldnt say it's an achievement but as others have said - i definitely think that surviving parenthood and ensuring DC gets to adulthood intact is definitely an achievement. Hands down the longest and hardest thing that I've ever had to do.DC themselves are their own human beings though

plumpootle · 01/12/2020 13:57

Hmm

Keeping going for years of IVF was an achievement. It took effort (mentally and physically). I certainly put huge effort into DDs home, health, nutrition, opportunities etc. But of course she is her own person and many people have shaped her. Eventually she will be responsible for her own life and will cease to be my achievement? But my career and relationship and home will always be my achievement or shared achievement.

SecretSpAD · 01/12/2020 14:22

I think that what a person views as their greatest achievement is always subjective. For me it is a massive piece of research I did a few years ago which was ground breaking (it's also niche and outing), for my husband it is taking a risk several years ago and spending a couple of years doing charity work in an African country.
Our adopted children have shown amazing resilience and empathy following their mother's death; but that's their achievement, not ours and to take that away from them would be selfish. They are their own people and will have their own achievements. If they decide that one of those is to have children and bring them up to be as wonderful as they are - that's cool too.

SimonJT · 01/12/2020 16:23

I don’t see my son as an achievement, but the process of becoming his parent, learning and applying therapeutic parenting, being his constant etc is an achievement for me. Him being happy, getting the job he wants etc won’t be my achievement, they will be his achievement.

But they aren’t my only achievements, getting signed to a championship club, graduating university, completing my professional qualifications and overcoming a severe illness are all things that I consider personal achievements.

ImaSababa · 01/12/2020 16:34

My daughter is great but I didn't achieve her, the way I achieved my degrees and book deals. I basically just had sex, hung about for nine months, and boom. There she was.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 01/12/2020 16:44

My dc just sort of happened. I haven't really put much effort into creating them and although I find being a parent hard work I don't think I see them turning into the individuals they are and will become as my achievements.

The achievements that I'm proud of are the ones where only I had to put the work in and have had to learn how to do it, for example completing my degree or my success in some photography competitions.

corythatwas · 01/12/2020 16:51

Some things are, some things aren't. I didn't make their personalities.

But then again there are times when we make the right decisions, or maybe put in work in where some other parent might not have, and it really does make a difference.

In my case, my eldest was (still is) disabled and has MH issues. I don't think she would be alive today if I hadn't been there to make her believe she could walk on water. She couldn't have lived if she hadn't had someone to fight her corner, make her laugh, be prepared to listen at any time and then give her freedom when she needed it, someone that would never give up. Somebody who was strong enough and fearless enough to hold her when she was a 10yo thrashing and trying to bite during a meltdown.

She still needs to know that she can ring me at 2 o'clock in the morning and I'll talk to her about the theatre for an hour or two to calm her down, but also to know that once she is calm I will go back to sleep and she needn't feel guilty.

She is now a wonderfully brave and adventurous adult, living independently and nearly through with her training in a very competitive career. She knows that she will face physical pain and extreme anxiety throughout her life, that there is no cure, but she has learnt how to keep going and she has that inner security and ability to view her problem with detachment.

Somebody had to do that job. I did it.

corythatwas · 01/12/2020 16:53

I have done a few other things that could count as achievements: I have written a couple of books that are generally well regarded and I have taught several generations of students. Now and then I think I may have made a difference through being there at the right time, encouraging students to keep going, to believe in themselves. They have said so. But with dd I know.

CantBeAssed · 01/12/2020 17:00

Nope...most definately not my greatest achievement...both dc being shits today...if i get my youngest to sit on his ass for 5 minutes i might feel some sense of achievementHmm

legalseagull · 01/12/2020 17:16

I'm a solicitor and have represented in many big cases in court. I've completed marathons and won competitions in my hobby - but raising my 3 year old and 1 year old has been, what I consider, my biggest achievement. That's because it's been so hard! They're both terrible sleepers and 'spirited' to say the least. There's no shame I'm saying you feel you've achieved something in raising children.
There's so many bitter comments here - "it's not an achievement to have unprotected" sex. Hmm It's not un-feminist to find child raising an achievement.
What someone considers their greatest achievement is completely up to them - it doesn't mean they haven't achieved anything else. Maybe, like me, they've found it a really hard journey and are proud of themselves.

legalseagull · 01/12/2020 17:16

@Crustmasiscoming

Meh... greatest achievement means different things to different people. Some people think of their career success as their greatest achievement, others might think of it as overcoming some sort of mental or physical health problem, others might feel it was running a marathon or painting a picture, for some it might be buying a house, for others it might learning a new language or traveling to Indonesia, or escaping a violent relationship. For some it is their children.

I think the things that we name as great personal achievements say a lot more about our value systems than it does about what we have actually done with our lives. Two people could achieve the same things but have completely different perspectives on what was "great" and what was just another day.

Perfect
Goldenbear · 01/12/2020 17:54

I see my children as an achievement precisely because I have achieved liberation from the notion of achievement being inherently about striving and attaining mostly in the area of 'work'.

Original poster
Lelophants · 01/12/2020 18:25

@Cashewrut

Unless you cured cancer, raising well-adjusted children is likely to be your biggest achievement. It requires substantial energy, commitment, self sacrifice in terms of time (quality over quantity) on the parents' part. Work is work. People make businesses and society. They impart values and knowledge that define the world tomorrow. There was another interesting thread before on how great achievers eg virtuoso, inventors, business and political leaders who achieve lots usually at some cost to their personal life.
Not to put a spanner in the works but I'd say my previous jobs (development and education sectors) have given much more to society than my one child probably could 🙈 but that is a lovely way to put it. I hope he brings goodness to the world.
OP posts:
Original poster
Lelophants · 01/12/2020 18:27

@Requinblanc

Is 'achievement' the right word though? maybe one of the greatest joy or source of happiness.

Kids are individuals in their own rights rather than just a product of parenting...

Maybe the action of helping raise happy kids who become happy adults is the achievement.

Agreed.
OP posts:
FitterHappierMoreProductive · 01/12/2020 18:31

Couldn’t agree more, was just thinking this today. My kids are fab, but they’re not my achievement- anything they achieve is their own!

Gandalf456 · 01/12/2020 18:33

It's a relationship, not an achievement. I hope to have done a reasonable job on bringing them up but the notion of parenting being an achievement just adds pressure, which relates to work life, not home life

CloudyVanilla · 01/12/2020 18:37

Honestly I do consider them that because they are the most important things in my life by far and away and everything I do in my life is based around them.

I don't know if "achievement" is the right word but all my goals are centred around having happy children who feel loved and cared for.

Autumnblooms · 01/12/2020 18:43

I think most people’s greatest achievement is their children.

I owned my own home since 18 years old.
I am my own boss and have my own business (that was thriving until COVID, but will pick back up again soon)
I’ve been with my partner for 2 decades and his the dad to our two kids.
I had the best GCSE results than anyone in my family
I pay my way and haven’t purposely chosen to live a life on benefits.

All achievements I love, especially starting up my own business, but my kids are my biggest achievement of all because they are absolutely awesome and raised in a way where selecting a life of crime would be complete madness, not the expected normality. With them....I have broken the circle.....that takes more than you could know....and that is a MASSIVE achievement!

corythatwas · 01/12/2020 18:46

That sounds awesome, Atumnblossoms !
Totally amazing achievement!