Children are your greatest achievement

[Lelophants]

Anyone feel the same or am I just a misery guts?

I love ds so much and think he is wonderful but I dont really see him an an achievement of mine! Mil and a few other people go on about how they've had lots of jobs but their children are their biggest achievements!

I just feel like if ds is a good person that's because of him!! Siblings can be vastly different with similar parenting. It can't all be down to me!

Is this something you feel later on? He is only a toddler.

It would be nice if he felt like an achievement I suppose!

Well, to look at it another way, I am the child of parents who have always seen me as their achievement and a reflection on them. I absolutely hate it. I find it really demoralising and patronising. It’s also meant that they have never ever let me be my own person.

When I qualified into my profession, my dad sent me a message saying how proud they were and how it was all down to them for their excellent parenting and investing so much time and money in my education and training. Nothing to do with the fact I spent 4 years slogging my guts out. No no.

Having children is not an achievement. Human have been doing it since the beginning of time. Good parenting is also not an achievement, it takes effort yes, but again people have been doing it since the beginning of time. Achievement would be running a 3 minute mile, research and cure for incurable diseases, formulating the theory of relativity. Stuff that means you have to get well above average results.

@sst1234
Achievements are not just things which leave an impact on humanity. People make achievements every day.

I was severely dyslexic; letters on a page looked backwards to me and all over the place. But I learned to read and write, I went to university and became successful. For someone who could barely read in primary school, that is an achievement.

Getting pregnant and giving birth is not an achievement at all that's nature takingbits course after sex.

Providing for your children, raising them correctly, caring for them, supporting them etc is an achievement.

Does that mean someone with loads of kids is a high achiever? I think you can be proud of how you have raised your children if they turn out to be well-rounded individuals. Your greatest achievement is taking things about too far (unless you have suffered very many miscarriages and it is bordering on miraculous that you have managed to bring your child into the world).

@sst1234

Having children is not an achievement. Human have been doing it since the beginning of time. Good parenting is also not an achievement, it takes effort yes, but again people have been doing it since the beginning of time. Achievement would be running a 3 minute mile, research and cure for incurable diseases, formulating the theory of relativity. Stuff that means you have to get well above average results.

So I'm your opinion most people will never have an achievement?

Well given that she took care of the nutrition side of things, she has a right to be proud. Stunting due to malnutrition is a reality for many children

For someone of her means, education and lifestyle, providing good nutrition for her child is not an achievement, nothing out of the ordinary or requiring significant effort. It’s basic parenting. And yes, I know plenty people fail at that, but she was never going to be one of those, for a variety of reasons. So for her to claim her son’s height is a personal achievement of hers, down to hard work and perseverance, is frankly ridiculous.

Well given that she took care of the nutrition side of things, she has a right to be proud. Stunting due to malnutrition is a reality for many children. What's the rates of stunting due to malnutrition in the UK? I don't think "not neglecting or abusing your child" counts as an achievement really. You need a higher bar

Well some children are normal, have multiple parents, go to school and turn out average.

Some children have severe Sen, raised by one parent who is also their teacher as the severity of their Sen requires homeschooling and they thrive and go on to do amazing things.

One of them is normal life, one of them is an achievement

Sst1234, I disagree, childbirth is an achievement. It is painful, long and risky, this is why it is not repeated frequently by women. Just because many people have done something, it doesn't make it not an achievement. By that token, obtaining a degree would not be an achievement, passing a driving test would not be an achievement and many more things that are distinctly below the bar of Olympic medal winner!

My BIL who has no children commented on how my mothering skills must have contributed to my teenage son's height. To be fair my son is a vegan and it actually is a challenge to fulfill his nutritional requirements as a growing boy. Both my husband and I have talked about this as there are many families, well off families that we know that really aren't all that fussed, especially in the week. Lots of frozen stuff bunged in the oven with the token peas on the side. My Mum provided an array of vegetables every night and I actually think that providing this for a good 16 years of your child's life, helping them to adopt healthy food choices is an achievement, particularly if you are both trying to balance it with the huge commitment of work. It is that commitment to caring for someone else's needs for a large part of your own life, how is that not an achievement, plenty don't manage it and don't get there.

I’ve never understood kids being an achievement. Most people can reproduce (hence why the world is massively overpopulated) and most kids grow up to be decent(ish) adults, so all you’ve essentially done is brought a child into the world, kept it alive and instilled some of your own morals into it. How is that an ‘achievement’ when you’re just doing what most people do?

I really don't like to hear having children described as an achievement. To me (and I fully realise I don't speak for everyone...), that implies that not having children is a failure. Anyhow, it's a game of chance, however you conceive.

Similarly, childbirth itself isn't an achievement. What does that say about women who have a CS? Have they failed to achieve? Breastfeeding too.

Having said that, bringing up polite and courteous children is definitely something to be proud of.

It depends where you see the achievement, if you are focussed on the process or the outcome I guess? My children are my greatest achievement, I've had a hell of an adventure becoming the person that they needed in the world and I have a real sense of pride of how that journey is panning out.

If so I feel sorry for my parents.

Children aren't an achievement

Nor me. I haven’t peaked yet.

But putting myself through a-levels, uni and further education when DC was small without parental support, living alone on meagre benefits as single mother was a heck of an achievement given statistics show my life should’ve been very different.

childbirth is an achievement. It is painful, long and risky but you have no real say in the outcome. I mean yes you could refuse to push but I'm not sure that really counts. You can't control your morbidity in this situation, or your child's.

Is it an achievement to consent to a C Sec to save a life, or is the failure of the achievement to give birth always a failure?

What about the health of the baby this delivered? Is it an achievement because you didn't do drugs and neglect your body? To have made a healthy baby? To have delivered a live well baby? To have completed a pregnancy?

I'd say there's a few genuine cases when completing a successful pregnancy is an achievement

I think it just a handy answer for those of us who come up blank when asked to name our biggest achievement!

I guess in purely evolutionary terms it is, for most of us, our only real acievement (assuming we haven't cured a disease, pushed back the boundaries of knowledge etc). However, on a more day to day level, I see my children's achievements as their own and it seems a bit grabby to be trying to take credit for them. I do think managing to have a long, happy marriage and financial stability to create a secure home environment for them is a pretty big achievement, given my terrible role models. Apart from that - representing my country at a niche sport, I guess.

Getting out of an abusive relationship and overcoming depression are my biggest achievements.

Your mils comments are because she has no achievements of her own and wants to live vicariously through her children. Your child is not an achievement. Whatever they do in their life is not your achievement. Its theirs

I don’t see my DD as an achievement. I love her to pieces, and my heart is currently breaking because of a situation meaning I won’t live with her as she grows up, but really I just had unprotected sex with her father.
She is beautiful, kind, intelligent and funny. But it’s not an achievement. Plus, I’ve had the assistance of au pairs and staff to help with her!!
My greatest achievement was probably the humanitarian work I did prior to DD. Now I exist in a a bland existence of shopping, sleeping and counting down to see DD.

Having children is a natural part of life (I understand for some it is incredibly difficult with IVF etc) but it’s not an achievement? It’s how the human race continues, hence there a Nobel prize isn’t handed out by the obstetrician/midwife to every new mother!

@Leaannb

Your mils comments are because she has no achievements of her own and wants to live vicariously through her children. Your child is not an achievement. Whatever they do in their life is not your achievement. Its theirs

Nothing in the op's post suggests that this is true. Her mil could have any number of achievements under her belt that she simply doesn't value to the same degree. What a rude assumption based on nothing more than your disagreement with her opinion.