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Original poster

Children are your greatest achievement

117 replies

Lelophants · 01/12/2020 08:30

Anyone feel the same or am I just a misery guts?

I love ds so much and think he is wonderful but I dont really see him an an achievement of mine! Mil and a few other people go on about how they've had lots of jobs but their children are their biggest achievements!

I just feel like if ds is a good person that's because of him!! Siblings can be vastly different with similar parenting. It can't all be down to me!

Is this something you feel later on? He is only a toddler.

It would be nice if he felt like an achievement I suppose!

OP posts:
BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 01/12/2020 09:01

*Proud

Fullyhuman · 01/12/2020 09:02

A great relationship with contented/fulfilled adult children - that’s an achievement imo. Not there yet but I’ll be proud of myself if I get there. It isn’t something I have with my parents and I am working hard to do better.

lazylinguist · 01/12/2020 09:02

I agree, OP. My dc are people, not achievements. Also, a lot of what I have done to make them like they are was largely down to the luck of my own circumstances, rather than any great skill on my part. Compared with, for example, a single parent raising dc with serious special needs in poverty, I don't think I really earned a pat on the back for bringing up my children. Also, I chose to have them - they weren't a challenge thrown my way by fate.

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 01/12/2020 09:02

I agree with the thread title to the extent that if your children grow up to be decent human beings, who want to stay close to you emotionally, it must mean in part that you didn't screw them up in childhood. But that's something one can only say when they're adult. I do say it, btw.

I think (cue soppy violins) that my greatest achievement is the fact that the most wonderful man has wanted to stay married to me for 42 years and counting!

sammylady37 · 01/12/2020 09:03

I know someone who thinks her son’s height is something to be particularly proud of, instead of realising that it’s genetics and nutrition. He’s now an adult but she beams beatifically at him while saying to me (or anyone else who’ll listen) “look how tall he is” every time we meet up. He seems to revel in it too, as if it’s something he achieved through hard work in the gym etc. It’s quite odd, tbh.

LivingMyBestLife2020 · 01/12/2020 09:08

My 2.5 year old is awesome. My pregnancy was tough and I was advised to abort at 15 weeks due to my ill health. I struggled on and had a complicated delivery. I’ve raised him alone his whole life and yes I am proud. But is he my greatest achievement? I wouldn’t say so no.

Swimming 3 miles across the Solent in October, with rough seas and no wetsuit, weeks after a long stay in hospital? That was a massive achievement.

Buying a crazy horse and turning him from dangerous beast to a County level show pony and show jumper? Also a massive achievement.

I 100% get that children are hard but I do cringe when I hear people say it’s their biggest achievement. It just makes me think they don’t have a life of their own outside being a parent.

sneakysnoopysniper · 01/12/2020 09:11

I don't think getting pregnant in itself is an achievement. After all an incompetent mental defective can do that! Also you do not "own" your children. They are their own people. You can be the worlds best and caring parent and your offspring could grow up to be a serial killer.

mopphead · 01/12/2020 09:11

Yep, my son is my greatest achievement. Not just him existing but being able to care or him and meet his needs, including emotional and developmental ones. Maybe it's because it hasn't always come easy to me, so when I think I'm doing well it's a real achievement.

My PhD, jobs, travel etc. is to me just work that I love and am decent at. Yes it requires hard work (especially the PhD) but it's work that I enjoy on a topic I'm quite naturally able at.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/12/2020 09:13

Getting pregnant is not an achievement.
But surviving childbirth is an achievement.
Raising an independent and happy human being is also a long term achievement. And yes, parenting does matter. I know many people who had terrible parents and these people are horribly scarred and damaged as a result. A few have even committed suicide.

Raising a child is more work for longer time and has more impact on another human beings life than getting a PhD, so yes, I think it is the greater achievement.

greenlynx · 01/12/2020 09:15

DD is the only child and was conceived through IVF after years of treatment, it was relatively rare then (not in UK) so it did felt like an achievement.
She has additional needs so my life revolves around her basically. I suppose for me to say that my DD is my achievement is a big deal. I don’t think I can do this atm and it’s very upsetting, because it means that there are lots of problems in HER life.

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/12/2020 09:15

@sammylady37

I know someone who thinks her son’s height is something to be particularly proud of, instead of realising that it’s genetics and nutrition. He’s now an adult but she beams beatifically at him while saying to me (or anyone else who’ll listen) “look how tall he is” every time we meet up. He seems to revel in it too, as if it’s something he achieved through hard work in the gym etc. It’s quite odd, tbh.
Well given that she took care of the nutrition side of things, she has a right to be proud. Stunting due to malnutrition is a reality for many children.
SleepingStandingUp · 01/12/2020 09:18

But surviving childbirth is an achievement. Well an achievement suggests something you achieved by putting in lots of effort, does childbirth count then? Unless we're arguing vaginal delivery is an achievement because you could have laid there and demanded a C Sec and C Sec isn't?

This thread has made me realise I have no idea what my greatest achievement is 🤣🤣😂😂😭😭😭😭

LiveintheNow · 01/12/2020 09:18

Are you your parents' greatest achievement then?

Mylittlesandwich · 01/12/2020 09:22

I don't think DS is my greatest achievement but I am proud. My body made him and he's wonderful. I'm not proud of a lot in my life so I'll take it.

Hardbackwriter · 01/12/2020 09:22

I wonder how many men say their children are their greatest achievement...

CounsellorTroi · 01/12/2020 09:22

I don’t regard the fact I couldn’t get pregnant as a failure or personal failing. . It was just bad luck - a biological process that didn’t work.

pointythings · 01/12/2020 09:23

I think it's an answer, not the answer.

For me, my greatest achievement is getting myself and my DDs out of an abusive marriage to an alcoholic and supporting them to achieve well at school and go to university.

I'm also quite good at my job.

Hardbackwriter · 01/12/2020 09:24

@CounsellorTroi

I don’t regard the fact I couldn’t get pregnant as a failure or personal failing. . It was just bad luck - a biological process that didn’t work.
Absolutely. I don't feel proud that I carried DS to term any more than I feel ashamed that I miscarried the three pregnancies before him - I didn't do anything to make either of those things happen, they just did.
PenguinIce · 01/12/2020 09:33

I class the fact that I have (almost) survived raising my dc as an achievement!

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 01/12/2020 09:44

I dont see the existence of my children as any sort of achievement but it is a little more nuanced than that.
My ex left when my youngest was 4 weeks old to move in with a woman he worked with. He totally cut us out; we didn't see him for 5 years so I was alone with no support. At that time, I had just qualified and was starting my business so I was living off savings from when I worked during uni and tax credits and because he moved jobs every time CMS caught up with him, I got no child maintenance for years.
I managed to get my business up and successfully but I had quite a few years of raising 2 kid on a very tight income alone but they were always fed, always warm, always in clean suitable clothes, I made sacrifices to ensure they could join some clubs and have the things they wanted for xmas and birthday. Coping with being ghosted by their dad, coping with building a business and still raising them to be caring, well mannered, happy and lively children is the hardest combination of things I've ever done.
Having them isnt an achievement, but getting us all to where we are now is my greatest achievement and that's all tied in together. The children, the working whilst being alone with children etc. So they are a bit part of what I have achieved.

Crustmasiscoming · 01/12/2020 10:06

Meh... greatest achievement means different things to different people. Some people think of their career success as their greatest achievement, others might think of it as overcoming some sort of mental or physical health problem, others might feel it was running a marathon or painting a picture, for some it might be buying a house, for others it might learning a new language or traveling to Indonesia, or escaping a violent relationship. For some it is their children.

I think the things that we name as great personal achievements say a lot more about our value systems than it does about what we have actually done with our lives. Two people could achieve the same things but have completely different perspectives on what was "great" and what was just another day.

LilMidge01 · 01/12/2020 10:28

No I think that's fine.

Never mind the whole 'agency' point you make but also, if my mum told me I was her greatest achievement, I would feel sorry for her. My mum is her own person and was once someone else's DD who had great dreams for her beyond just motherhood. She has achieved many things in her own right and I am so proud of her as I'm sure her mother is of her.
I hope my mum is proud of me and the person I have become- but not that I'm her greatest achievement!

namechangetheworld · 01/12/2020 10:29

I've never really thought about it before, but if I'm asked about my greatest achievement on my death bed I hope my answer is raising happy, well adjusted children, instead of something to do with my career. The latter would be a bit sad.

RudbeckiaGoldstrum · 01/12/2020 10:36

Their achievements are not mine. I don't take credit for their GSCE marks or happy relationships.

It is an achievement that I have been mostly patient, loving, and caring. Like most, I have placed my children's needs far above my own. I have been a good mother, and given them some of the tools they will need to create a happy adult life. That is an achievement.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 01/12/2020 10:37

There are achievements as part of parenting. Pulling every tactic under the sun to get a power crazed toddler to eat a healthy diet is an achievement. Juggling a successful career with maintaining a happy and efficient family life is an achievement.
Engaging in a protracted legal battle with the LA, the Gvt, etc, to get the needs met for a child with SEN is an achievement.

Only one of these would I think suitable to quote in a job interview.

The child is not the achievement.

This is the language of cheesy social media memes and crap wooden signs from The Range.

Perhaps 'keeping a hold on your critical thinking skills once you spend all day cooing over a baby' is an achievement Grin