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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU by thinking my lodger is being passive aggressive?

134 replies

TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 01:44

I’ve had a new kitchen since the lodger has moved in. She’s South American so I don’t know if it’s a language barrier or not.

Anyway she’s made comments that have suggested she’s not happy with the new kitchen and what I do.

Eg - a shelf with the glass/mugs on top of the kettle. She said it makes the kitchen “look smaller” and she prefers them in the cupboard. It doesn’t make the kitchen look smaller as you can only see the shelf when face on, it’s in the corner behind a pillar.

She was emptying the washing machine and said it’s too much effort. I have no idea what she meant as it’s a standard washing machine. She then asked to use the dryer, which is her real issue. Before the refurb the dryer was in the kitchen but now it’s in a cupboard. I can understand this is an inconvenience as have to use an extension cord and take out the hoover, but in my opening still easier than hanging clothes.

I allowed her to use my pepper/spice cupboard because I rarely use the stuff and when I was getting the new kitchen I put it away in a box under lots of stuff. She messaged me asking “where’s the pepper” I said I wasn’t too sure because it was under heaps of boxes and I didn’t want her to disturb. She had her dinner and I got home after 90 mins. She still asked for the pepper, which I thought was a bit annoying when it’s not hers and I’ve already told her. Anyway she’s not used the pepper for at least 7 weeks - which is weird.

She makes comments like “I cant find anything” when I’m in the same room instead of asking for something. New kitchen but it’s got much smaller units so some things have been moved.

She wouldn’t let me put up two shelves in her room - would only let me put up one.

The blender has broken and she’s been suggesting I get a new one. They are like £15, buy one if you want it.

The fire alarm started to bleep in the middle of the night - it’s the bleep that happens every 30 seconds. She said “what that little noise woke you up”. She seemed surprised.

I don’t invite her option or get her approval. I will be getting her to move out as I’m actually avoiding going back to my house. Yawn.

OP posts:
Smallgoon · 30/11/2020 01:46

Find yourself a new lodger.

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 01:47

@Smallgoon

Find yourself a new lodger.
Doing that but I want to have someone lined up first.
OP posts:
Grittlelayrabbit · 30/11/2020 01:48

And share your condiments.

Smallgoon · 30/11/2020 01:49

Well just speak to her then? Ask her if she's ok, and if not, what the issue is. Maybe you can both come to a compromise.

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 01:51

@Smallgoon

Well just speak to her then? Ask her if she's ok, and if not, what the issue is. Maybe you can both come to a compromise.
Because she doesn’t understand me. She can speak and understand English fine, just not my accent lol.

I can’t be bothered anymore. She’s also wrecked my bathroom vanity with bleach. Thankfully I have a spare one but she hasn’t pointed it out/said sorry.

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 30/11/2020 01:54

Maybe you should live alone.

tobee · 30/11/2020 01:54

Gosh there seems to be a lot of difficulty with lodgers on mn at the moment!

Sounds awful op!

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 01:55

@Smallgoon she’s also started to smoke weed and cigarettes at home. She leaves the buts on the step.

Moreover she had an issue with me asking her to bring her bike down the side of the house as the front door had stuff in it. Told her the first night, second night she still tried to come in and ended up barging past me. I’m non confrontation and try to take people’s needs into consideration but she’s taking the piss now.

OP posts:
Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 01:56

@PolPotNoodle why? I wouldn’t do this to anyone I lived with. Perhaps with my new kitchen I will get a better standard of tenant ;)

OP posts:
Smallgoon · 30/11/2020 01:58

@PolPotNoodle

Maybe you should live alone.
this
BoudiccaD · 30/11/2020 01:58

Let's hope lodgers dont start expecting inheritance!

Butchyrestingface · 30/11/2020 02:06

Gosh there seems to be a lot of difficulty with lodgers on mn at the moment!

I was thinking that. Lodgers and inheritance issues have pinged on my radar recently.

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 02:19

@Butchyrestingface

Gosh there seems to be a lot of difficulty with lodgers on mn at the moment!

I was thinking that. Lodgers and inheritance issues have pinged on my radar recently.

Inheritance issues? I’ve seen one about someone drinking champagne.
OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/11/2020 02:33

I think I’d get rid of this lodger before you line the next one up. She sounds a bit dense and struggling to understand the boundaries. You may have difficulty getting rid of her. Stop being so nice.

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 02:36

@Mummyoflittledragon

I think I’d get rid of this lodger before you line the next one up. She sounds a bit dense and struggling to understand the boundaries. You may have difficulty getting rid of her. Stop being so nice.
I’ve just looked for people wanting to move to the area - bit low on options :/ I’m 30 min walk and 6 min drive from a hospital so I’m hoping to get a placement student or something.... need to know where best to advertise.
OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/11/2020 02:57

Spareroom?

JuanNil · 30/11/2020 03:07

I swear I saw this exact same thread a couple of months ago Confused perhaps I'm wrong or this is a common phenomenon.

Regardless, I think PPs are right and you need to live alone OP. It doesn't seem worth the emotional cost to you.

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 03:13

@JuanNil I’ve lived in share houses for many years. She’s just not the right fit.

OP posts:
MustardMitt · 30/11/2020 03:16

@JuanNil that one was deleted.

@TomorrowToday did she pass comment on the sink you had installed?

Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 03:36

Made comment when I said I was buying a lawnmower - why didn’t I use a pair of garden scissors. My lawn in 5x4 metres.

Carpet cleaner - was bought before she moved in. She said wouldn’t it be cheaper to replace the carpets (stairs, landing and two bedrooms).

She’s damaged the bathroom vanity as well :/

OP posts:
Original poster
TomorrowToday · 30/11/2020 03:36

@Mummyoflittledragon

Spareroom?
I was looking there.... :/
OP posts:
TheVamoosh · 30/11/2020 04:07

Before the refurb the dryer was in the kitchen but now it’s in a cupboard. I can understand this is an inconvenience as have to use an extension cord and take out the hoover

I don't understand this bit. Do you have to remove the Hoover from the cupboard to use the dryer? What is the extension cord for?

BlackCatShadow · 30/11/2020 04:19

Maybe ask at the hospital if they have a notice board you can put a notice up on. They probably have one in the staff room.

In the meantime, just ignore her comments. She sounds annoying.

sparticuscaticus · 30/11/2020 06:48

@BlackCatShadow

Maybe ask at the hospital if they have a notice board you can put a notice up on. They probably have one in the staff room.

In the meantime, just ignore her comments. She sounds annoying.

She won't be allowed into Hospital Unless OP already knows a member of staff to do this for her
flaviaritt · 30/11/2020 06:52

I also saw this thread a month ago but that time it was about the colour of the sink.