AIBU by thinking my lodger is being passive aggressive?

[TomorrowToday]

I’ve had a new kitchen since the lodger has moved in. She’s South American so I don’t know if it’s a language barrier or not.

Anyway she’s made comments that have suggested she’s not happy with the new kitchen and what I do.

Eg - a shelf with the glass/mugs on top of the kettle. She said it makes the kitchen “look smaller” and she prefers them in the cupboard. It doesn’t make the kitchen look smaller as you can only see the shelf when face on, it’s in the corner behind a pillar.

She was emptying the washing machine and said it’s too much effort. I have no idea what she meant as it’s a standard washing machine. She then asked to use the dryer, which is her real issue. Before the refurb the dryer was in the kitchen but now it’s in a cupboard. I can understand this is an inconvenience as have to use an extension cord and take out the hoover, but in my opening still easier than hanging clothes.

I allowed her to use my pepper/spice cupboard because I rarely use the stuff and when I was getting the new kitchen I put it away in a box under lots of stuff. She messaged me asking “where’s the pepper” I said I wasn’t too sure because it was under heaps of boxes and I didn’t want her to disturb. She had her dinner and I got home after 90 mins. She still asked for the pepper, which I thought was a bit annoying when it’s not hers and I’ve already told her. Anyway she’s not used the pepper for at least 7 weeks - which is weird.

She makes comments like “I cant find anything” when I’m in the same room instead of asking for something. New kitchen but it’s got much smaller units so some things have been moved.

She wouldn’t let me put up two shelves in her room - would only let me put up one.

The blender has broken and she’s been suggesting I get a new one. They are like £15, buy one if you want it.

The fire alarm started to bleep in the middle of the night - it’s the bleep that happens every 30 seconds. She said “what that little noise woke you up”. She seemed surprised.

I don’t invite her option or get her approval. I will be getting her to move out as I’m actually avoiding going back to my house. Yawn.

@TheVamoosh I’ve moved the dryer to a utility cupboard (next to the fridge)
. It contains the hoover, so she has to take out the hoover to open the door of the dryer. Extension cord to plug it in.

@flaviaritt yep and now a 50cm shelf makes the kitchen look smaller....

@JuanNil

I swear I saw this exact same thread a couple of months ago perhaps I'm wrong or this is a common phenomenon.

Regardless, I think PPs are right and you need to live alone OP. It doesn't seem worth the emotional cost to you.

Exactly what I thought!

Maybe you should live alone

Definitely.

So many ppl on here with lodger issues, this is the third I've seen in a few days. Is it really necessary to have a lodger?

I'd hate to share my house with a stranger unless it was absolutely imperative

Don't worry about it OP, at least she isn't moaning about your sink anymore

@Burnthurst187

So many ppl on here with lodger issues, this is the third I've seen in a few days. Is it really necessary to have a lodger?

I'd hate to share my house with a stranger unless it was absolutely imperative

Yes I need the money.

@Coffeehunter

Don't worry about it OP, at least she isn't moaning about your sink anymore

What’s next?

@TomorrowToday I have no idea. Ask her to write a list of all the things she doesn't like.
There are loads of threads up just now about lodgers why don't you have a look at some of the advice given on them.
If you're only keeping her because you need money there are loads of begging threads asking how to make money you could scroll through

[quote TomorrowToday]@JuanNil I’ve lived in share houses for many years. She’s just not the right fit.[/quote]
Well your vetting skills aren't great then. Do you just take the first person that shows interest?

[quote TomorrowToday]@Smallgoon she’s also started to smoke weed and cigarettes at home. She leaves the buts on the step.

Moreover she had an issue with me asking her to bring her bike down the side of the house as the front door had stuff in it. Told her the first night, second night she still tried to come in and ended up barging past me. I’m non confrontation and try to take people’s needs into consideration but she’s taking the piss now.[/quote]
Well that's enough reason to get her out now!

@Smallgoon what a stupid comment. You don’t know what someone is like until you live with them. Smoking and smoking weed is a new issue. Making comments wouldn’t have been provided at interview stage. It’s a relationship much like a job, partner of friends. You don’t know until you’ve spent some time.

@Nanny0gg yep. She was annoyed with her work because they couldn’t give her how many days holidays she had. Still, it’s all spiralled from there....

It's a blessing she's started smoking weed as it gives you a definitive reason as to why she needs to leave - not that her other behaviour isn't enough (she sounds like a nightmare) but you can say that you don't think it's a good fit and her using drugs on your property is the final straw so she needs to leave.

Have you posted before about your lodger?
Sounds very familiar.

[quote TomorrowToday]@Smallgoon what a stupid comment. You don’t know what someone is like until you live with them. Smoking and smoking weed is a new issue. Making comments wouldn’t have been provided at interview stage. It’s a relationship much like a job, partner of friends. You don’t know until you’ve spent some time.[/quote]
It's not a stupid comment actually. Surely you understand if you have shared interests etc. You've mentioned in a previous post that there's a communication barrier because she doesn't 'understand your accent'!!! Doesn't that strike you as odd?

@JuanNil

I swear I saw this exact same thread a couple of months ago perhaps I'm wrong or this is a common phenomenon.

Regardless, I think PPs are right and you need to live alone OP. It doesn't seem worth the emotional cost to you.

Same here! I was just beginning to wonder if I had the gift of foresight before you posted!

@Smallgoon It is a stupid comment. It’s like saying to someone who is divorced “didn’t you vet him before you married, your divorce is because you didn’t vet him”.

Her work hours, age and demeanour was ok at the interview stage.

that sounds really tiresome OP. Hopefully doesnt take long to find someone new

@Smallgoon Nope I don’t find it odd that someone finds my accent hard to understand. Often people have to ask me to repeat myself as I lack self confidence and social anxiety. So no, not odd. More so she’s from another country.

[quote TomorrowToday]@Smallgoon Nope I don’t find it odd that someone finds my accent hard to understand. Often people have to ask me to repeat myself as I lack self confidence and social anxiety. So no, not odd. More so she’s from another country.[/quote]
So comms skills were not high on the agenda when you were scouting for a lodger? Good to know.

@Butchyrestingface

Gosh there seems to be a lot of difficulty with lodgers on mn at the moment!

I was thinking that. Lodgers and inheritance issues have pinged on my radar recently.

Lodgers, inheritance and women finding out they're pregnant at 6 months. It's on rotation at the moment.

Op, you're obviously not a sharing type of person. Live alone.

@Smallgoon it was fine at interview stage. As I said she can talk ok, she can understand ok, just with me there is an issue.

"I don’t invite her option or get her approval. I will be getting her to move out as I’m actually avoiding going back to my house. Yawn."

It was a very long post so I didn't catch this part. You've made the decision to have her move out. I don't think you need a MN opinion on her behaviour, the only opinion that matters is yours. So yes, you should ask her to leave as you've said you will do. I think you'll both be much happier after that, as I'm sorry to say it doesn't sound like she likes you very much let alone respects you as her landlord.

@JuanNil

"I don’t invite her option or get her approval. I will be getting her to move out as I’m actually avoiding going back to my house. Yawn."

It was a very long post so I didn't catch this part. You've made the decision to have her move out. I don't think you need a MN opinion on her behaviour, the only opinion that matters is yours. So yes, you should ask her to leave as you've said you will do. I think you'll both be much happier after that, as I'm sorry to say it doesn't sound like she likes you very much let alone respects you as her landlord.

But judgmental to say she doesn’t like me? Based on what? She doesn’t respect me as the owner of the house, that’s for sure. She’s also got shit going on in her life such as parents have corona, sister was supposed to move here but didn’t, she’s alone. Etc. I’m sure I annoy her in some ways.