Unrealistic beauty standatds for women.

[malificent7]

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30. Then it is still not enough, you need to be skinny/ toned and comply to a plastic look...eg; fillers in lips, fake nails, boobs, eyebrows tattood on.
I am just beginning to realise at 42 that age is actually quite beautiful.....
I just feel depressed that i have never been able to keep up with beauty standards and that companies have made some money out of my subsequent insecurities.
Dd is beautiful and feels beautiful which i never felt. I am relieved for her.
Not sure what my aibu is but thoughts please....it sucks dosn't it?

Standards*bloody phone!

You seem a little obsessed with ageing and appearances recently. Are you okay? You said you use Botox on a thread I saw earlier today so you’re obviously okay with cheating the natural ageing process.

Of course beauty standards for women are entirely unrealistic - twas always thus.

I'm not sure that being beautiful is all that important. We seem to place a lot of importance on it, but it's not the reason I love my friends. There's far more to them than their looks.

I don't consider lip fillers/tattooed eyebrows/fake nails and boobs as beautiful in and of themselves nor would I think someone is beautiful based on whether they had any combination of the above.

Therapy maybe?

I think if you buy into that whole culture of "you must be x, y and z" you'll do yourself a mischief when it comes to ageing because it's perfectly fine to just do your best with yourself and not give a shit about fillers and other people's ideals of beauty.

That's not a judgement about what people choose to do - I'm not against botox or surgery at all. But I don't see any point in worrying that I no longer look 18 because nobody looks 18 when they're 39, and that's that.

I think that a beautiful person is a beautiful person, no matter how old or young they are. Beauty isn’t exclusive to the young! It’s not, if you think about it, even exclusive to human beings.

I don't believe you're right about what's considered beautiful. Certain sections of society have different ideas of beauty. I think the fillers fake look is on the way out.

There's always going to be a culture of beauty, but you need to sit back and wait for it to swing in your favour.

E.g. 20 years ago responding "yes" to "does my bum look big in this?" would be a massive insult, whereas now everyone's terrified of having pancake bum. It's better to be the type of beautiful you want to be and then you can be a trendsetter when the ball starts rolling your way!

Yes women are pressed to conform to the prevailing beauty standards which are often time consuming and expensive as well.

The beauty industry needs to instill insecurity so they can flog their stuff. Intsa etc has made this worse.

The advice is often just ignore it but in reality it starts when you're a young girl and peer pressure is strong. Plus teens are naturally insecure and this all feeds in. If the industry gets them feeling that way and using all the stuff young it's hard to stop. Also of course society/ people do comment kindly or otherwise on girls and women's looks all the time. So just ignore it is unrealistic for many.

It's not new either. All through history and around the world you can find loads of examples of time consuming, uncomfortable etc clothing that women were supposed to wear. Men had a bit of that but never to the same extent.

In summary. You need to try and stop worrying about this for yourself.

Also as you get older things change. A lot of women in their 40s and 50s find young men are interested. And less lecherously interested iyswim. A few decades ago there were plenty of actresses over 30 who were considered beautiful/ desirable.

Random thoughts there.

I suppose that's a long way of saying it's all bollocks but hard to ignore.

Depends on who you talk to. Men I know like some curves, and I've never met anyone with tattoo eyebrows that weren't undergoing cancer treatment! I think you have a narrow reference point

@VladmirsPoutine

Of course beauty standards for women are entirely unrealistic - twas always thus.

I definitely think it’s got worse

I remember Renee Zellweger saying it used to be a relief to come to Britain as it wasn’t so bad here

I think we’ve hit a point of serious plastic though. I find that all really grim.

I just ignore it apart from what’s needed for work. I appreciate some women are working in places where the standards are ridiculous and that is a problem.

Yeah, I think being "thicc" is more highly valued than slim / toned in this present day and age @movingonup20

@movingonup20

Depends on who you talk to. Men I know like some curves, and I've never met anyone with tattoo eyebrows that weren't undergoing cancer treatment! I think you have a narrow reference point

All the 20someyhings at my work have the sharpie eyebrows.

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30.

Says who? I'm older than that and have been told I'm beautiful (and not just by DD or my parents)

The most beautiful woman I know is 50 years old and overweight.

I'm interested which culture you refer to.
I have lived in 3 different countries in Europe as well as the UK and many women over 30 are considered beautiful in each place.

I honestly think women care much more about this than us blokes.

Lots of males in their twenties fuck older women and find them sexy. They’ve shown me their photos (on swingers sites).

You're realising that age can be beautiful... That's a beautiful thing.
You've instilled confidence in your daughter... That's a beautiful thing.
You're questioning the idea that people have to conform to be beautiful... That's a beautiful thing.

I see plenty of beauty here.

Should watch the full doco

I do agree with what you are saying about age being beautiful. In general though, I think you are a person, who thinks too much. I’m not just saying it about this thread, but about you in general and your posts about yourself over the years.

I used to think too much as well then I got really good therapy and now I think a lot less. I still get some obsessions. But they are of short duration.

It sounds as though you’ve broken the cycle between your past / parenting and have created a better future for your dd. But you deserve that future too. So while YANBU, perhaps try to build on these positive thoughts. Mindfulness and therapy are far better uses of your time and money than Botox (that someone mentioned upthread).

It’s the pouty lips and comedy eye brows that make me laugh. Do they really find that attractive ?. And then you have Lauren Goodger’s backside , WTF is that about ?

‘And then you have Lauren Goodger’s backside , WTF is that about?’

I often speculate that this could be something derived from black culture. I’ve got two Jamaican mates who are both ripped and avid gym goers but are both dating white girls that (without meaning to sound nasty) would be considered to be a bit too fat by most white guys. They both have enormous bums!