Unrealistic beauty standatds for women.

[malificent7]

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30. Then it is still not enough, you need to be skinny/ toned and comply to a plastic look...eg; fillers in lips, fake nails, boobs, eyebrows tattood on.
I am just beginning to realise at 42 that age is actually quite beautiful.....
I just feel depressed that i have never been able to keep up with beauty standards and that companies have made some money out of my subsequent insecurities.
Dd is beautiful and feels beautiful which i never felt. I am relieved for her.
Not sure what my aibu is but thoughts please....it sucks dosn't it?

Some interesting comments on here. I did have botox recently as I was feeling insecure ( oldest woman at work...wrinkles) and it has given me confidence but it has got me questioning why? Why dont wrinkles give me confidence?
I am insecure as was bullied about my looks at school. I went to an elite private school as my dad worked there...very ordinary family. Everyone else was from rich families and all the girls were super beautiful, wearing designer clothes, long blonde hair and even boob jobs. The boys called me " ugly." Horrid place.
I now can see i wasn't at all ugly, just not their type.

@Pyewhacket

It’s the pouty lips and comedy eye brows that make me laugh. Do they really find that attractive ?. And then you have Lauren Goodger’s backside , WTF is that about ?

When I’m physically in the workplace, my office is tiny

Sometimes there’s a knock on the door and pair of comedy eyebrows and puffer fish lips is just coming at me and I have to try not to laugh!

I was bullied at school re my looks and called ugly. I had buck teeth and later braces, and glasses. Now I’m 59 and a bit overweight, don’t do anything to look younger except dye my hair and use moisturiser. I feel good about myself. I’ve got way more confidence than I did in my 20s and that makes all the difference.

You don’t have to buy into this ‘beauty’ industry nonsense - literally or metaphorically. You can just ignore it all and choose to opt out. Ignore Instagram, celebrities, designer labels and glossy magazines (do they even still exist?).

It’s true that multinational corporations and social media ‘influencers’ exploit and monetise women’s insecurities for profit, so don’t play their game. Find something more interesting and productive to do with your time & money. It’s very liberating .

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30

This is just not true.

I know exactly what you mean, of course. I totally get the pressure to be thin, groomed, blonde, young etc.

But people who subscribe to this in earnest are just shallow bastards.

For your own sanity you owe it to yourself to get away from this shite.

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30

That's absolute nonsense.

you need to [...] comply to a plastic look...eg; fillers in lips, fake nails, boobs, eyebrows tattood on

That's absolute nonsense, too. I suspect it depends on which circles one moves in. I don't know one single person who holds this idea of what is beautiful.

I used to feel incredibly beautiful, slim, great skin, fresh faced, always smiling...

Now I’m 37, I look shattered most days, I have an impressive c-section pouch (from 2 sections), boobs that have lost their sparkle due to many years of breastfeeding, and I generally just have more wobbly bits above my hips and around my thighs.

When I’m dressed I feel good about myself (5ft 6, size 10) but if I catch sight of my naked reflection I feel very down

I miss the way I used to look and how I used to feel about myself

I also don’t consider your definition of beautiful accurate, nor do I know anyone who thinks this way. As such, I think this is your definition of beauty, not anyone else’s. So I’d question why you feel this way.

You don’t have to buy into this ‘beauty’ industry nonsense - literally or metaphorically.

^This. I think the plastic look is horrific, not beautiful. I'm 49 and delighted that I don't really feel the need to conform to beauty standards. I'd quite like to lose a few pounds (mostly for health reasons), but I think I look normal and perfectly ok.

I also have a confident 15yo dd who doesn't seem to be buying into the beauty standards in the slightest. She wears black jeans, band t-shirts, has short messy hair and has never once worn make-up or shaved her legs. She's not critical of girls who do, she's just not interested herself.

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30.

My husband thinks I am beautiful and I was far past 30 when I first met him.

Then it is still not enough, you need to be skinny/ toned and comply to a plastic look...eg; fillers in lips, fake nails, boobs, eyebrows tattood on.

Sounds minging. Who is making these rules up and why are you following them?

I think you might be placing too much importance on looks and not enough on personality.

Would it only be the standard, if that's what you aspired to look like?

I'm under 30 and don't think you need to be under 30 to be beautiful!

I also don't think the look you described is seen as the universal standard of beauty that you think it is. If you look at models, actresses, miss universe contestants, lots of women known for their beauty - very few of them fit your description of beauty.

I think you've got caught up in a micro focused ideal and I get it I have totally been there. You just need to relax. So many women both famous and non famous seem to get obsessed with their looks to the point where it has a reverse effect - I remember reading an article on young women getting so many fillers and things that they actually looked like women twice their age trying to look younger IYSWIM.

Don't do it OP. Just enhance what appeals to you and take care of yourself. That's the way you will look and feel best IMO

Beauty has lost it’s meaning. Someone who is truly beautiful doesn’t lose it even when they get older - that’s not just a saying made to make older women feel better. It’s the truth. Because things like excellent bone structure / excellent diet and exercise habits tend to last a lifetime and do tend to keep people in good nick.

I think your idea of standards is really off, because for example I know a guy who's really into goth girls. He would go near your stereotypical wag type you describe.

I tend to fancy rock/hipster types, my husband likes curvy girls with typical celtic features, my friend likes very clean cut corporate types, etc etc

I'd fancy a guy who was more my type but had a bit of a belly more than a sexy guy in a suit, IYSWIM.

You've boxed yourself in to a beauty standard that I've found to be barely applicable in the real world. It's very common, but at the end of the day I think your identity and look are very personal things.

I wouldn't want to look like that, it's not my style. At the end of the day, I only need one person to be into my looks - my husband. And before that, I only cared if someone found me sexy if I wanted to be sexy to them. I.E. someone I wanted to date/sleep with.

The idea of generalised sexiness and beauty is irrelevant, however much magazines and the media push it.

There is a lof of pressure but I'm 34 and actually care less than I did when I was younger. I'm focused on being fit and healthy but the weight loss has been an added bonus. It's all about being healthy for me - I'm a mum of two in my 30s. I'll never look as pert or perky as a 19 year old and I'm ok with that!

In the future, people will look back at sharpie eyebrows and mega-pouts in the same way people now look back at 80s perms and electric blue mascara and wonder what on earth the fashionable were thinking.

@WitchesSpelleas

In the future, people will look back at sharpie eyebrows and mega-pouts in the same way people now look back at 80s perms and electric blue mascara and wonder what on earth the fashionable were thinking.

I like perms and blue mascara?

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30

Nah, you don't. I'm 53 and my body is to die for (in my opinion). Face ain't up to much but that's nowt to do with the age: it never was up to much!

There's other types of beauty that people in the real world appreciate - huge bum, comedy eyebrows and fish pout is just an insta trend.

Firstly, to be considered beautiful in our culture you need to be under 30. Then it is still not enough, you need to be skinny/ toned and comply to a plastic look...eg; fillers in lips, fake nails, boobs, eyebrows tattood on.

Well you clearly have a different culture to be because I don't know a single person who thinks that's a good look.

Your definition of beautiful is not the same as everyone else's. Start by realising that and concentrating on what makes you unique and who you are without trying to conform to what you think people like.

I’ve never read so much bollocks in my life. You neither need to be under 30 nor look like a Barbie doll to be considered beautiful. Or at least not in the circles I move in.

One of the most beautiful women I can think of off the top of my head is Nicola Adams, who’s 38. She’ll be beautiful until the day she dies with that stunning smile.

The sooner we stop conforming to stereotypes the better. This kind of thinking really damages our mental health.

If people didn't buy into these beauty standards the beauty and diet industry wouldn't be worth many billion pounds and growing. YANBU, Op.

I like perms and blue mascara?

Yes, nothing inherently wrong with them, they're just not currently in fashion.

A lot of the pressure to conform to certain standards or ideals seems to come from women who feel the need to pass comments on other women's looks, as evidenced by the majority of posters on this thread.