Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I wasn't being a dick?

703 replies

GlummyMcGlummerson · 29/11/2020 15:02

I split up with exH 2 years ago, we have 2DC aged 4&8 and when they're at ex's they still see their cousins and aunty, my exSIL. ExSIL has only contacted me once since the split - to remind me to get her son (DN) a present (I refused said it was Ex's job now) - never checked to see I was ok after her brother had an affair. Anyway, her DS is 7 and over lockdown I allowed DD (8) to use my phone to face call him and play Minecraft with him at the same time on my iPad.

DN has his own iPad but he uses his parent's Facebook messenger accounts to face call DD.

Now we're back to normality, and school, I let DD have 3 hours in total on a weekend, split however she likes from Friday evening to Sunday. She used most of it on Friday after school, so that's her time used up. But DN has called (which came through to both my phone and iPad) 23 times. I didn't answer either as they've been in another room most of the day. I also had nuermous messenger messages like "DD call me now" and "Why aren't you calling you're upsetting me". I did reply sorry DD won't be having screen time today, but he still kept calling.

Anyway, I texted exSIL on the number I still have for her and said "Hi it's Glummy, can you stop DN from calling my messenger please, DD isn't allowed her iPad today and he's called 23 times today". She replied saying "OK but there's no need to be a dick about it he just misses DD that's all"Confused I don't think what I said was dickish at all. I'm tempted to reply and ask what she means. I haven't yet, but it's really bothered me. There's no backstory we got on fine when I was married to her brother but she firmly nailed her colours to the mast when we split (except when she wanted her son to get a birthday present, apparently that was still my job and if left to ex he wouldn't have got one Hmm)

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 29/11/2020 23:10

Ok, so I've done something really, really childish. But in my defence, I had a glass of wine after putting the kids to bed I'm a total lightweight

I replied this to exSIL:

😂🤣💃🏽

Lol, good for you.

Again,I am bemused and bewildered by some of the responses you've had on this thread. You've been perfectly reasonable, it's your ex SIL who hasn't.

LovePoppy · 29/11/2020 23:41

[quote Krampusnacht]@LovePoppy maybe she didn't want to, but she wasn't even given the option! OP decided for her DD that she wasn't talking to her cousin that day.

To clarify: 2 hours Friday evening, 2 hours Saturday and 2 hours Sunday. So 6 hours all together. That's double yours. And we still manage to watch a film together or go out. [/quote]
Did your parents never decide when you were allowed to be on the phone and when you weren’t? Mine certainly did.

LolaButt · 29/11/2020 23:45

In response to your original post, your sentiment was fine. Your tone was obnoxious.

Butchyrestingface · 30/11/2020 00:11

In response to your original post, your sentiment was fine. Your tone was obnoxious.

She's right. Try this next time.

Haw, fanny baws, gonnae pure tell yer wean to git oot ma coupon and gie us peace. Ah've been dingying him so far but uh'v had it up tae here with i' aw noo, so uh huv.

justilou1 · 30/11/2020 00:23

If my kid rang ANYONE 23 times, I’d thank them for telling me! The constant demands for instant attention and stalkery calls is not boding well for his future relationships. He sounds like a controlling little shit, tbh. (Thoroughly enabled by his mum.) Thank goodness you are teaching your DD healthy boundaries by showing her that you DON’T have to pick up every bloody phone call and don’t owe it to everyone who calls to entertain them at the expense of the actual human beings in your presence.

Original poster
GlummyMcGlummerson · 30/11/2020 00:25

Haw, fanny baws, gonnae pure tell yer wean to git oot ma coupon and gie us peace. Ah've been dingying him so far but uh'v had it up tae here with i' aw noo, so uh huv.

🤣🤣🤣

Oh god @Butchyrestingface that's brilliant!

Fanny baws 😂😂

OP posts:
Krampusnacht · 30/11/2020 00:26

@LovePoppy no, they didn't. If someone called me I was allowed to speak to them. Just as when someone calls my DC they're allowed to speak to them. I don't micromanage every interaction they have.

Original poster
GlummyMcGlummerson · 30/11/2020 00:28

If someone called me I was allowed to speak to them. Just as when someone calls my DC they're allowed to speak to them. I don't micromanage every interaction they have.

What, at any time of the day no matter what you were doing?

Meh. That's not how my family works. I don't just pause family time to placate other people's demands of my children. Especially when they don't want to even talk they want to game.

It really isn't the worst thing in the world for a child to not get their way.

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 30/11/2020 00:35

[quote Krampusnacht]@LovePoppy no, they didn't. If someone called me I was allowed to speak to them. Just as when someone calls my DC they're allowed to speak to them. I don't micromanage every interaction they have. [/quote]
Not allowing a phone call during family time isnt micromanaging.

Good lord.

AaronPurr · 30/11/2020 06:19

This has been such a weird thread. I honestly can't believe some of the responses.

Op you're not a dick. 3 hours of gaming / watching youtube at a weekend is plenty for an 8 year old, and the nephew needs to learn some manners.

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 30/11/2020 06:46

You could of just answered the first time instead of ignoring a child 23 times.

HomeTheatreSystem · 30/11/2020 07:23

YADNBU.
So many hard of reading on here too Hmm.

Original poster
GlummyMcGlummerson · 30/11/2020 07:43

@GalaxyCookieCrumble i didn't, like I said numerous times my phone was put away and I didn't spot them until the 22nd missed call. Not that I'd have answered anyway, it was a family day, if I'd seen it the first time I'd have sent a message (like I did when I saw it the 22nd time).

As someone put earlier, a phone call is an invitation to speak not a demand

OP posts:
PompeyBez · 30/11/2020 08:22

I don't think you were being a dick at all! SIL needs to do a better job of monitoring DNs online interactions. 23 calls and numerous messages is OTT. DN needs to realise that DD has her own life, and that people are sometimes doing other things, and aren't always available on his schedule. I think it is entirely up to you how you manage screen time. You are the parent and understand the effects that screen time has on your child. All children are different, there is no right or wrong here. I would perhaps have offered a quick facetime chat if DD wanted to do that, but other than that I think what you said is fine. Perhaps ex SIL was embarrassed that DN had been calling that much? Her response was dickish IMO

justilou1 · 30/11/2020 10:06

Good grief... people are simply unable to read the the thread when kids are involved, are they? They have to rewrite it to suit their narrative. I think you were very restrained!!!

Original poster
GlummyMcGlummerson · 30/11/2020 10:40

I've had a reply from exSIL! Well, 2 replies

First one is:
Your pathetic.

I am SO tempted to reply "My pathetic what?" But I won't

Second one is (amended slightly to protect names etc):

DN was is in tears yesterday after being ignored by his favourite cousin. But you obviously don't care. Doesn't surprise me. you haven't taken any interest in (her kids) since you left my brother. Not so much as a birthday card from their cousins. Yeah take it out on (ex) but not the kids.

I replied instantly (I'm not getting into 2 year old drama of who did what during the split won't give her he satisfaction):

I'm not surprised he was upset when he'd been allowed to call so much. We were busy and I hadn't seen all the missed calls. Please do not allow DN to call so much in future, if DD isn't answering it's because she's busy.

Then:

As I have said before is up to exH to sort cards and presents for his family, not me. I'm not his wife anymore so stop asking me to do the wife work.

OP posts:
Original poster
GlummyMcGlummerson · 30/11/2020 10:50

A reply!!!! I don't even care if this outs me:

Brother is useless with cards and presents you know this. I will ask DN to stop calling DD altogether if it's a problem it will break his heart but I will not put up with him being ignored.

Im gonna reply later, as I'm marking at the moment, to say that it's not my fault exH is useless. I'll also say if you want to stop the calls that's your choice, not mine, I don't mind him calling at all but 23 calls in a row is excessive.

I hope she doesn't stop the calls as DD will be gutted too, but I will tell DD it wasn't my decision if she does.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 30/11/2020 10:54

Brother is useless with cards and presents you know this. I will ask DN to stop calling DD altogether if it's a problem it will break his heart but I will not put up with him being ignored.

What a stupid cow. Obvious where the wean gets his er, perseverance from.

AaronPurr · 30/11/2020 10:57

First one is:
Your pathetic.

I'd be so tempted to reply with You're

As for this I will ask DN to stop calling DD altogether if it's a problem it will break his heart Hmm She really needs to get a sense of perspective. If a little thing like this is made into such a drama then it's no wonder DN has no boundaries. She should be addressing his behaviour, and explaining why it's unacceptable to constantly bombard people with calls and messages, rather than making him into a victim.

HeyChubbee · 30/11/2020 11:09

My reply would be -

‘Ok’

frazzledasarock · 30/11/2020 11:17

send her the thumbs up emoji.

HeyChubbee · 30/11/2020 11:27

Thumbs up and dancing lady

justilou1 · 30/11/2020 11:42

You seem to have forgotten that I am divorced from your brother. I am relieved to not be responsible for covering up for his faults anymore. That includes not “remembering” all the birthdays and buying and wrapping all the presents and writing all the cards and letting him get all the credit for doing fuck all. You all know he’s useless. You made him. Now you have a kid that is calling my DD 23 times and demanding instant gratification. In the real world, we call that harassment. Stop enabling the males in your family and allow them to bloody well grow up!!! Oh, and one more thing...
You’re.

CanICelebrate · 30/11/2020 12:21

You are clearly prone to being a dick given some of your snarky replies and emojis on this thread.
I think you’ve come across as very unlikeable which is why you’ve got such harsh responses!!

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 30/11/2020 12:23

I think you’ve come across as very unlikeable which is why you’ve got such harsh responses!!

I disagree entirely and think anyone even vaguely on SIL's side comes across as very unlikeable.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread