To think I wasn't being a dick?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

I split up with exH 2 years ago, we have 2DC aged 4&8 and when they're at ex's they still see their cousins and aunty, my exSIL. ExSIL has only contacted me once since the split - to remind me to get her son (DN) a present (I refused said it was Ex's job now) - never checked to see I was ok after her brother had an affair. Anyway, her DS is 7 and over lockdown I allowed DD (8) to use my phone to face call him and play Minecraft with him at the same time on my iPad.

DN has his own iPad but he uses his parent's Facebook messenger accounts to face call DD.

Now we're back to normality, and school, I let DD have 3 hours in total on a weekend, split however she likes from Friday evening to Sunday. She used most of it on Friday after school, so that's her time used up. But DN has called (which came through to both my phone and iPad) 23 times. I didn't answer either as they've been in another room most of the day. I also had nuermous messenger messages like "DD call me now" and "Why aren't you calling you're upsetting me". I did reply sorry DD won't be having screen time today, but he still kept calling.

Anyway, I texted exSIL on the number I still have for her and said "Hi it's Glummy, can you stop DN from calling my messenger please, DD isn't allowed her iPad today and he's called 23 times today". She replied saying "OK but there's no need to be a dick about it he just misses DD that's all" I don't think what I said was dickish at all. I'm tempted to reply and ask what she means. I haven't yet, but it's really bothered me. There's no backstory we got on fine when I was married to her brother but she firmly nailed her colours to the mast when we split (except when she wanted her son to get a birthday present, apparently that was still my job and if left to ex he wouldn't have got one )

@lyralalala info wonder if I'd have had the same response if it DN was a girl and my 8yo was a boy.

[quote GlummyMcGlummerson]@lyralalala info wonder if I'd have had the same response if it DN was a girl and my 8yo was a boy. [/quote]
Possibly.

You'd have certainly got a different response if you were your ex-SIL posting about your ex-SIL being rude when your son had called her DD 20odd times

You were watching a film for 3.5 hours? Ok. Cool story bro.

Hamlet lasts for over 4 hours.

How long was Titanic?

Who doesn't love a bit of drama, death, murder, horrendous over acting and a sinking ship at times like these? And that's just Hamlet.

And I don’t think you’re giving her insufficient “screen time” - I wouldn’t slow any “gaming” time for an 8 year old personally, it’s the fact that just ignoring the kid, rather than just swiftly answering in a friendly way, is quite frankly bizarre.

@Butchyrestingface

Give me the name of a single kids film last 3.5 hours and I’ll take your point.

And the OP said it was Arthur Christmas

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

You were watching a film for 3.5 hours? Ok. Cool story bro.

Did I say I was?!

@Butchyrestingface I'm not but exH is! you're not exSIL are you grin

No, but unless I dreamed it, I believed you said The Peen was revered in this family?

Which reminds me of certain family of mine, living out in deepest, darkest North Lanarkshire (a veil to be drawn over exact location). At family gatherings, the men congregate in one section of the room, where they can smoke and drink and pronounce on everything Celtic related. Whereas the women must stick to the corner, conversing only on subjects relating to the offspring. Any incursions across gender assigned lines would draw severe censure.

Oh I see!

No I wasn't watching a film for 3.5 hours. I put the phones and gadgets away for 3.5 hours. HTH

But got them out again in the middle of the film? 🧐

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

And I don’t think you’re giving her insufficient “screen time” - I wouldn’t slow any “gaming” time for an 8 year old personally, it’s the fact that just ignoring the kid, rather than just swiftly answering in a friendly way, is quite frankly bizarre.

We were watching a film, do you answer phones while you're watching films?

As an aside we watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang the other week that was 2.5 hours

Because the film watching seems pretty irrelevant. I don’t know, I don’t know why I’m answering, who cares. You just seem to have taken some delight in ignoring the DN who shouldn’t have been intruding on your weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

I’d have let her answer and chat for 5 mins and explain she didn’t have any screen time left. Cos that would be the normal thing to do...

This.

[quote Butchyrestingface]**@Butchyrestingface I'm not but exH is! you're not exSIL are you grin

No, but unless I dreamed it, I believed you said The Peen was revered in this family?

Which reminds me of certain family of mine, living out in deepest, darkest North Lanarkshire (a veil to be drawn over exact location). At family gatherings, the men congregate in one section of the room, where they can smoke and drink and pronounce on everything Celtic related. Whereas the women must stick to the corner, conversing only on subjects relating to the offspring. Any incursions across gender assigned lines would draw severe censure.[/quote]
Oh god that sounds awful - sadly ex's family are a bit more, ahem, downmarket than that but equally as sexist. And a bit closer to the border too!

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

But got them out again in the middle of the film? 🧐

If you absolutely must know I paused the film, went for a popcorn and hot chocolate refill and checked my phone while the milk was is the microwave.

Is that ok by you DCI Cleverarse?

I’ve seen threads where OPs have been shredded because they've been simpering messes. Here's an OP with a bit of balls who gets told to be ....nicer?? What?

OP, given the context, relationship with XSIL etc your response was fine. Perfectly. Fine. 🤦🏼‍♀️ You’re more amiable than I would have been to someone who's shown so little care towards me after her brother was such a wanker.

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

Because the film watching seems pretty irrelevant. I don’t know, I don’t know why I’m answering, who cares. You just seem to have taken some delight in ignoring the DN who shouldn’t have been intruding on your weekend 🤷🏻‍♀️

MN is a weird, weird place.

A place where people see "I don't want to answer that call" as "taking delight" 🤣🤣🤣

No I am not sorry for not interrupting Arthur Christmas so DD can placate the undoubtedly heightened emotions, and deliver the bad news that no she can't play minecraft, to her cousin. It won't kill him to not speak to her today. Hopefully his actual mother will deal with his disappointment - although I am not her more than one poster has implied I am responsible for his feelings and another bizarrely saying I "allowed" a 7yo who is nothing to do with me, who lives 2 hours away, to call someone two dozen times you've gotta love MN bonkers-ness

As is said @GlummyMcGlummerson it just seems as though you’re being mean to a 7 year old.

I’d have let her answer and chat for 5 mins and explain she didn’t have any screen time left. Cos that would be the normal thing to do...

Definitely this. If you're watching a film and don't want to answer the phone at all put it on silent. Otherwise just let her speak for 5 minutes to say she's not available for gaming, if they want to have a chat without gaming they can otherwise he knows she's not available. It's really odd to ignore the calls but get annoyed by them at the same time.

@SistineScreamer

I’ve seen threads where OPs have been shredded because they've been simpering messes. Here's an OP with a bit of balls who gets told to be ....nicer?? What?

OP, given the context, relationship with XSIL etc your response was fine. Perfectly. Fine. 🤦🏼‍♀️ You’re more amiable than I would have been to someone who's shown so little care towards me after her brother was such a wanker.

I know, I'm being shredded for not being the simpering mess women are usually chastised for being, to a 7 year old!

I mean poor lad it's not his fault obviously, he's been either allow to or left to call someone excessively obviously (judging by the messages he sent) to the point where he's got very upset and felt rejected. And rather than thinking "this is a point a parent should step in, assert boundaries and provide comfort" - I, 100 miles away, should offer up my DD to do the work of the parent.

Fuck. That.

Would have been the same to your own sibling’s child? Because both would be your child’s cousin.

@IMNOTSHOUTING

I’d have let her answer and chat for 5 mins and explain she didn’t have any screen time left. Cos that would be the normal thing to do...

Definitely this. If you're watching a film and don't want to answer the phone at all put it on silent. Otherwise just let her speak for 5 minutes to say she's not available for gaming, if they want to have a chat without gaming they can otherwise he knows she's not available. It's really odd to ignore the calls but get annoyed by them at the same time.

It's not odd at all - if someone was calling you excessively I'm sure you'd ignore the calls and also be annoyed.

We were watching a film - why should my 4yo have his film interrupted so that his sister can take a "quick" (it wouldn't be quick) phone call - isn't this the height of bad manners? How many thread are there where people's kids and husbands answer the phone at dinner and everyone agrees this is rude?

And you did ask whether you were being unreasonable. We’ve only answered...

@FitterHappierMoreProductive

Would have been the same to your own sibling’s child? Because both would be your child’s cousin.

Absolutely, the difference being any of my siblings would have been utterly mortified that their kids had called 23 times, and would have thanked me for letting them know. Because they're normal.

They're also don't have a history of being a dick to me, so there's that.