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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

London or France? Wanna get out of Sweden

134 replies

Almondmilk · 29/11/2020 13:44

Here is my recurring dilemma: I'm French, lived 8 years in London, left 6 years ago. I still miss London. It's been 6 years that I live in Stockholm and I really dislike the cold and dark climate and above all the confirmism and introvert behaviours. Husband is Swedish. We have a young child. I would never have another child in Sweden so I can stay light on my feet. I also should mention that I am in the arts, freelancing and it's not easy to find regular jobs.

What is the best thing to do in your opinion:
1-move back to London or a city close to London
2-move back to France and drag the husband there
3-find another 3rd place

If you have ever read a similar post from me, please be kind, I just need to chat.Wink
Can't wait to read your opinions.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 29/11/2020 19:08

@donquixotedelamancha

I was not keen on Paris when I visited (massively overrated)

I'm presuming you cast no shadow, don't show up in mirrors and automatic doors ignore you. Either that or you stayed fairly near Montmartre.

I don't know. Like the bits were interesting and nice, but overall it was bit disappointing considering how famous it is. It may have been timing as well as there was construction going on around the tower. I don't know. Just not as breathtaking as I expected. It's just a normal city with some nice bits and smelly side streets. Like most others😁 It's nothing personal
garlictwist · 29/11/2020 19:15

Glasgow is nowhere near as dark and cold as Stockholm! (I have lived in both). But I can see your heart is wedded to London. The tricky thing is that you're not just dealing with what you want, and where you want to be. It's managing your husband's wants too. No one can solve that bit for you, unfortunately.

Sometimesonly · 29/11/2020 19:42

I feel for you OP as I know what it's like to want to move countries! But it seems that there are some harsh truths that you really need to face rather than skimming over:

  1. You can't move to London post Brexit.
  2. Your husband doesn't want to move anywhere with you.

If this is correct, then really you have other more pressing things to sort out like, are you going to leave your husband? If you did, would he let you leave Sweden? I know that probably seems a scary prospect but I know lots of women who have ended up living where they don't want to until their children turn 18 so you have to realise it might be a possibility that you can't go anywhere without your husband agreeing - is that a possibility?

TonMoulin · 29/11/2020 21:56

Errr.... people incl the OP will still be able to move to the UK.

It just won’t be as easy as it was (and in the particular case of the OP might not be possible. It depends on her DH work etc...).
The question is more whether you would want to do that or not seeing the mess brexit will be.

PicsInRed · 29/11/2020 22:02

@TonMoulin

Errr.... people incl the OP will still be able to move to the UK.

It just won’t be as easy as it was (and in the particular case of the OP might not be possible. It depends on her DH work etc...).
The question is more whether you would want to do that or not seeing the mess brexit will be.

You can't just move to a visa requiring country with no job or education offer and few employers are willing to sponsor someone in from abroad. Realistically, it's not an option for the OP at all unless she and her child can make it to the UK, with her husband's written permission for the child to emigrate, by 31 December. Sadly for the OP, that's not going to happen.
JanewaysBun · 29/11/2020 22:29

I know Dublin is expensive but surely there must be nice places non loaded people live?
I think that's the answer

  1. Neither is having to live in the other one's country for "fairness"
  2. I think it has most of London's benefits
  3. Plus a lot extra, a lot lot different to London but in a good way
  4. Is in the EU and no additional language required at first

I would also look at Amsterdam although I would never be able to learn Dutch!

Also fuck Brexit! I wish we were still in the EU and could welcome you all back!

Whererainfalls · 29/11/2020 22:44

Montpellier has a good arts scene. Very studenty and liberal.

Searchesforhipbones · 29/11/2020 23:08

I have heard from lots of friends that Dublin, similar to Stockholm maybe, is very family and school friend oriented... that because a lot of Dubliners grow up there, go to uni there and work there in their twenties, by their thirties they just really don’t have huge capacity for making new friends (not that they’re not lovely though!). I’m not sure if there’s a thriving ex pat / international set that makes up for that.

It’s also so expensive! Also I am Irish and love ireland but it is a small island on the edge of Europe with dark winters and a lot of cloud and rain... is this what the OP is looking for?

giantangryrooster · 29/11/2020 23:14

OP, I've checked your posting history, seldom do. You have been complaining about this and your relationship since 2016, it's not very clear cause you are in uk some of the time, you have dc/no dc.

Can i suggest you take a long look at what you want deep down.

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