London or France? Wanna get out of Sweden

[Almondmilk]

Here is my recurring dilemma: I'm French, lived 8 years in London, left 6 years ago. I still miss London. It's been 6 years that I live in Stockholm and I really dislike the cold and dark climate and above all the confirmism and introvert behaviours. Husband is Swedish. We have a young child. I would never have another child in Sweden so I can stay light on my feet. I also should mention that I am in the arts, freelancing and it's not easy to find regular jobs.

What is the best thing to do in your opinion:
1-move back to London or a city close to London
2-move back to France and drag the husband there
3-find another 3rd place

If you have ever read a similar post from me, please be kind, I just need to chat.
Can't wait to read your opinions.

Dublin an option too perhaps. It is EXTREMELY different from London - don't be fooled because it is so close-by and and used to be part of UK - but Ireland is full of extroverts, and quite community-driven, if that is the contrast to Sweden that you are looking for. And English-speaking and in the EU - the south east is the sunniest bit. I live in London - perhaps worth the visa effort to live here, if that is what you specifically miss though? The arts and the freedom and the anonymity definitely a draw. I live in North London, so it is quicker for me to get to Paris than most places in England...:-) M

Paris is hard work unless you are loaded and can live centrally. What about another French city? Lyon is where we settled and it has everything. Have you thought about Barcelona? Thinks that’s where we would go next if we were a bit younger. If you don’t like long, dark days don’t go to Dublin. Or London for that matter.

Actually besides the weather I'd avoid Scotland.
It's becoming a very socialist society, no real opposition and has the threat of another referendum hanging over it.
The schools aren't performing as well as England and it has lost more people to covid to despite the stricter regime.

@Sirtrapalot

Is it because there's no Swedish people there any more?

WTF?!

@Sirtrapalot @etinox
I can confirm that the center of Stockholm is FULL of Swedish people. I would happily have more immigrants, refugies, expats, foreigners, strangers in my neighbourhood!

Then there are parts outside Stockholm known for segregation

I wouldn't move to the UK. It's become such an unfriendly little island with a racist government.

Things have changed a lot since you left.

@pinkhousesarebest Oh Barcelona...but this is for another life

@SWLondonTown We went to Berlin in the winter a few years ago and it seemed to be too much work to have a 4th language

I think the people who are doubting the OP’s informed assertion (based on her years of living in both) that London is more welcoming than Stockholm have never lived in Sweden as a foreigner. The Swedes aren’t xenophobic as such but it’s notoriously difficult for outsiders to break past their guard - ex-pat spouses can take forever to feel at home.

Middle class/artistic London OTOH is pretty much nationality-blind (as is working class London in many ways but that’s not what we’re discussing) I have friends, neighbours and colleagues from all over the world all united by their desperation not to return home.

However given Brexit if you don’t like Paris then Brussels, Dublin or even Antwerp or Amsterdam are worth a look.

uk isn,t one island.

@Brokenchair1 thanks, it's always reassuring to hear from a Swede that I'm not completely wrong! Hope you fixed your chair

@Almondmilk as an erstwhile expat in Stockholm I can confirm lack of Swedes and incredibly homogenous culture isn’t what’s wrong with Sweden.

Yes I should mention that my husband doesn't like me anymore. Which makes everything more difficult!

Will your husband let you leave Sweden with a child if he ends up not wanting to leave?

@Almondmilk the Netherlands is definitely worth investigating. Nordic lite, and much, much friendlier. I have no idea about creative industries there though.

Could you not have a he status of Intermittante de spectacle quite easily? Or is it just performance arts?

Have you considered Lille?

The art scene is very active there, the city has been going through major regeneration for the past 30 years, it's amazingly connected to Paris, Bruxelles and London via TGV Thalys and Eurostar.
For a city so close and well-connected to Paris, it has done an amazing job in keeping its own identity and culture.

The 'immobilier' offer is also pretty exciting and affordable.

Swede here, though living in UK, and I do see what you mean about the Swedes. It's not perhaps that they are more xenophobic or introvert than other people, but they are very family orientated, friendships between families often go back generations, it can be really hard to break into as an outsider unless you have a spouse who is able to do that work for you.

I would say though that Stockholmers do have a particular reputation for being a bit stand-offish and that I have always found Gothenburg a more outgoing place. Also less cold (though it is wet and windy, so quite possibly not the city of your dreams).

Agree with others that Brexit will make life difficult for anyone looking to move to London now: the climate has been getting a lot more hostile towards foreigners, not perhaps from the general population but certainly from the government. They really do intend to make you jump through hoops. I've lived here for nearly 30 years and have a British spouse and regular employment, but I still found the whole experience quite stressful.

Dublin sounds quite a nice compromise, you'd still have freedom of movement and it's supposed to be vibrant.

I really dislike the cold and dark climate and above all the confirmism and introvert behaviours

What is confirmism?

The darkness would put me off (I live on the East Coast of Scotland - plenty enough dark up here!) but being surrounded by introverts seems like a dream to me. Whatever confirmism is, it might swing it in favour of a move to Sweden!

Actually besides the weather I'd avoid Scotland.
It's becoming a very socialist society, no real opposition and has the threat of another referendum hanging over it.

God forbid! 😱

I think the OP meant conformism, @Butchyrestingface.

I think the OP meant conformism, @Butchyrestingface.

Thank you. I will have a serious think about Sweden as a destination choice.

It's becoming a very socialist society

c'est bizarre bien

What does a plastician artist do- are you a sculptor? Have you always earned money Ru through art or have you also worked in other types of jobs?

What type of work does your husband do?

How old is your child?

Do you want to stay married?

And (may be related to the previous question)- what do you mean when you say there is no “seduction” in Stockholm?

I loved it in Gothenburg, always got chatting to people- but maybe that was just me chatting to people. Tbh I love it in my present S/E city too so perhaps just easy to please. Not sure people are either more or less likely to get chatting to you here, though.

I did find the French very cold and unapproachable at first and very unforgiving of mistakes, but found that got better when my French improved. It wasn't so much the language or my accent (which is still nothing to write home about) as knowing the subtle signals. Still have a lot to learn there though.

I would consider Brussels as well. Many French artists are flocking to Brussels nowadays because the Parisian scene is quite diffulcult to get into. As someone else said previously: you can get around in French and English very easily. There is also a huge international community.

What is the best for your child? What age and stage?