Friends pregnancy symptoms, I don't think so.

[Falconfield]

So clearly I'm being a bitch and I suppose I feel a bit mean?

Friend is trying for a baby, as am I. All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely.

Well my time of the month has arrived so clearly no baby.
Told friend that I'm a little upset as its been quite some time we have been trying.
Friend has decided she is now definitely pregnant and has been telling me by text and phone calls about all of the pregnancy symptoms she has been experiencing.
Her period would be due in about 10 days (she told me this, I don't stalk her uterus)

How can she possibly be experiencing pregnancy symptoms when she wouldn't even be showing a positive pregnancy test yet?

Im not sure if she really believes it or she is just being mean?
It seems to be the trigger of me being upset about how long it's taking to conceive for her to literally shate in the same conversation how pregnant she feels.

I don't know what I'm asking really, maybe does it seem likely or is she just being a bitch?

[katy1213]

If you don't want to hear every last detail of her experience, you should stop over-sharing yours.

[Falconfield]

Thanks for the messages, they have given me another perspective which is helpful.

I would be genuinely excited for her is she was pregnant.
I do want children but I'm not really desperate yet so honestly I think I would be OK with her being pregnant but not me.

What I found upsetting was the fact we were just talking normally, I then say something like 'shit luck, aunt flo has arrived.' I said it was a bit shit and DH would be disappointed. She then said 'oh well, bad luck to you, I'm sure I'm pregnant now and then listed a whole stream of symptoms. She ended the conversation with I will be able to watch her parent and get experience as she has read a ton and been to parenting classes so will be able to show me how I should behave and interact with a baby before having my own.

Maybe I should share less with her.

[WartyWorry]

@Falconfield

Thanks for the messages, they have given me another perspective which is helpful.

I would be genuinely excited for her is she was pregnant.
I do want children but I'm not really desperate yet so honestly I think I would be OK with her being pregnant but not me.

What I found upsetting was the fact we were just talking normally, I then say something like 'shit luck, aunt flo has arrived.' I said it was a bit shit and DH would be disappointed. She then said 'oh well, bad luck to you, I'm sure I'm pregnant now and then listed a whole stream of symptoms. She ended the conversation with I will be able to watch her parent and get experience as she has read a ton and been to parenting classes so will be able to show me how I should behave and interact with a baby before having my own.

Maybe I should share less with her.

😂😂😂🤭🤭🤭

Oh dear, she'll be a perfect parent cos she's read the books? You'll be able to watch and learn? I dare say she's in for a rude awakening! Smile, nod and engage less would be my advice

[NerrSnerr]

If you're going to be discussing your period with her and other intimate details of your reproductive system it's only fair she does the same. As you said in the OP- highs and lows.

Maybe she's a bit of an arse about reading books but maybe she's just really excited.

[reservoircats]

Regardless of if she is actually experiencing "pregnancy symptoms" or not, she should be much much more sensitive with you. If it was me I would be keeping quiet until period due date anyway. Very tactless from her and I hope you use it as an opportunity to evaluate your friendship with her.

[FightingWithTheWind]

Having read your update I've changed my mind, your 'friend' is a bitch. She'll be able to show you 'how to interact with your baby' because she's 'been to parenting classes' I wonder how those books will work out for her when she does have a baby and discovers that they rarely actually follow whats in said books...being excited is no excuse for telling you that you can watch her experience being a parent instead that was seriously insensitive.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

@Falconfield

Thanks for the messages, they have given me another perspective which is helpful.

I would be genuinely excited for her is she was pregnant.
I do want children but I'm not really desperate yet so honestly I think I would be OK with her being pregnant but not me.

What I found upsetting was the fact we were just talking normally, I then say something like 'shit luck, aunt flo has arrived.' I said it was a bit shit and DH would be disappointed. She then said 'oh well, bad luck to you, I'm sure I'm pregnant now and then listed a whole stream of symptoms. She ended the conversation with I will be able to watch her parent and get experience as she has read a ton and been to parenting classes so will be able to show me how I should behave and interact with a baby before having my own.

Maybe I should share less with her.

Why is she your friend?!

I had someone try to tell me what to do with DD2 because her DD is 9 months older. Had to remind her that I have an older DD too so know what I’m doing thanks.

[WhySoSensitive]

I hope she meant she will have been to parenting classes... not she has already been.
If the latter and she’s not even pregnant yet she cray.

[Doublebubblebubble]

Is this both your first pregnancies?

For my 3rd, 4th and 5th pregnancies I just knew instantly. My first I had to be told to take a test.

One-upmanship isn't being a friend and by potentially lying about this now is going to bite her in the bum when it comes to her taking an actual test.

I reckon let her live her lieand it'll all sort itself out in the end. Keep trying OP you'll get there in the end.

[theotherfossilsister]

I am desperate to be pregnant with one which sticks about, and I feel horrible jealously of other people who are pregnant (Especially the ones who fall very quickly.) At first, though, I thought your friend wasn't being a bitch, and you were being sensitive - as I am about this stuff.

Then I read your update and wow. She can get lost. Maybe she is pregnant and if so she will be unbearable and I think you will need to keep your distance for a couple of months.

One of my pregnant friends sent me a 'helpful' link about early miscarriage the other day, and even though I know this came from a non bitchy place (I know her really well) I chose not to engage.

[Italiangreyhound]

"What I found upsetting was the fact we were just talking normally, I then say something like 'shit luck, aunt flo has arrived.' I said it was a bit shit and DH would be disappointed. She then said 'oh well, bad luck to you, I'm sure I'm pregnant now and then listed a whole stream of symptoms. She ended the conversation with I will be able to watch her parent and get experience as she has read a ton and been to parenting classes so will be able to show me how I should behave and interact with a baby before having my own.

Maybe I should share less with her."

Yes, stop sharing so much, don't ask her opinion and just wait and see! I thought I knew everything and had a rude awakening!!

I tried to get pregnant for second time for a very long time and it was hugely stressful. People knowing you are trying, even friends, can ask difficult questions and make it more stressful.

Good luck.

[stovetopespresso]

I'd give your relationship a bit of breathing space, keep a space for her but you don't have to share so much if you don't want to. No one knows what the future holds. Good luck with your plans OP.

[pointythings]

It is possible to have symptoms that early - I did with DD2, intense nausea and sore boobs 10 days before AF was due. BFP when I tested.

But you two shouldn't be sharing so much and making it into a competition, that isn't good for either of you.

[notalwaysalondoner]

Agree it’s exceedingly unlikely these are genuine symptoms at 10 days before her period is due - all 3 times I’ve been pregnant I had no real symptoms until about 2 days before my period and even then I had several months I had “symptoms” and then I was not pregnant - because the symptoms are generally normal hormonal things like irritability, feeling emotional, tired, and having sore boobs. These things happen to most women some cycles anyway. It’s pretty unusual to have nausea or other more definitive pregnancy symptoms until a couple of weeks after your period was due. The NHS says morning sickness is most common in weeks 7-12. I agree with others though, whether she’s being competitive or just doesn’t realise how she’s feeling, you’re sharing too much and it will inevitably lead to resentment and hurt feelings. Just tell her you need some space and don’t think sharing or hearing her details is helping, and share on Mumsnet if you really want to where everything is a bit more detached. There are some great TTC threads.

[1Morewineplease]

@Falconfield

Thanks for the messages, they have given me another perspective which is helpful.

I would be genuinely excited for her is she was pregnant.
I do want children but I'm not really desperate yet so honestly I think I would be OK with her being pregnant but not me.

What I found upsetting was the fact we were just talking normally, I then say something like 'shit luck, aunt flo has arrived.' I said it was a bit shit and DH would be disappointed. She then said 'oh well, bad luck to you, I'm sure I'm pregnant now and then listed a whole stream of symptoms. She ended the conversation with I will be able to watch her parent and get experience as she has read a ton and been to parenting classes so will be able to show me how I should behave and interact with a baby before having my own.

Maybe I should share less with her.

You need to stop sharing your conception details.

It's a private matter. Trying to conceive is a private matter , why would you be sharing the intimate details of your relationship?

We told no one ... it was our journey.

It sounds like you're competing and one if you is going to feel bad, like it is now.

[nolovelost]

I had symptoms after conception. Maybe you should stop talking so much about it to each other.

[Pineapples1980]

Sounds like she’s being a bit of a bitch but as someone who has been TTC for three years with several rounds of ivf and baby loss, I’d suggest you pull back and talk about other things. It might work out really well and you get pregnant at the same time, both take home a live birth but if either of you fail to get pregnant, have to have treatment, or suffer a loss, it will much harder for the both of you, especially if she’s already started to be a bit weird now.

[Mulderitssme]

I'm sorry she's being so awful OP. I would back away from her. It is possible to have symptoms so early on. I started having mood swings four days after when I conceived and strong symptoms ten days before. I only took a test to reassure myself that I wasn't pregnant but I was. It can happen.

[livinlavida]

I kept urging and hiccuping like mad well before I showed on a test with both my pregnancies. I knew a few days after conception both times - people don't usually believe this but 💯 true. I was tearing constantly and took me ages to get the positive.
She's not being a bitch - you're both trying. Why not be happy for her, as I'm sure she would be for you?

[Jobsharenightmare]

She's getting excited and hopeful. You're supposedly friends that have decided to share your TTC journeys clearly, so in context, this is normal. The pregnancy boards are full of women wishfully symptom spotting and over sharing together.

[Jobsharenightmare]

Telling you how she'll teach you to parent is very odd though!

[Goldensnitchy]

Yeah I think she’s being nasty or at least very self involved

[Bluntness100]

@Goldensnitchy

Yeah I think she’s being nasty or at least very self involved

Or she’s just really excited because she thinks she’s pregnant and she wouldn’t be the first woman to be, and thinks the op will not have an issue if she is, because the op actually states to us in one of her posts she wouldn’t be,

[Sceptre86]

I tested 6 days before my period both times as I was peeing lots and both times I felt pregnant and was.soke people do have symptoms that early. Tbh I would withdraw from her or at the least mention that you need some time to focus on yourself. She may just be excited and not mean to be so insensitive

[justicedanceson]

I get severe pregnancy sickness before a test comes back positive. I think it’s dangerous territory to start being more expert on someone else’s body than themselves. It’s a form of internalised misogyny. If you’re right and she is imagining it due to desire to be pregnant, what do you gain? If you’re wrong what do you gain? I just don’t understand these types of comments. It’s her body. Don’t pass judgement on it.