Friends pregnancy symptoms, I don't think so.

[Falconfield]

So clearly I'm being a bitch and I suppose I feel a bit mean?

Friend is trying for a baby, as am I. All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely.

Well my time of the month has arrived so clearly no baby.
Told friend that I'm a little upset as its been quite some time we have been trying.
Friend has decided she is now definitely pregnant and has been telling me by text and phone calls about all of the pregnancy symptoms she has been experiencing.
Her period would be due in about 10 days (she told me this, I don't stalk her uterus)

How can she possibly be experiencing pregnancy symptoms when she wouldn't even be showing a positive pregnancy test yet?

Im not sure if she really believes it or she is just being mean?
It seems to be the trigger of me being upset about how long it's taking to conceive for her to literally shate in the same conversation how pregnant she feels.

I don't know what I'm asking really, maybe does it seem likely or is she just being a bitch?

[Biscuitsneeded]

It is possible she is pregnant and can tell, though. With my first pregnancy my boobs became very sore well before my period was due, and I was weeing a lot more. I absolutely knew within about 5 days of conceiving. That pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 11 weeks. Subsequent pregnancies it was genuinely a surprise to get a positive test result, yet they are the ones that stuck. Your friend may feel that since you are both trying to conceive and have been sharing your experiences thus far that you welcome her regular updates - just be honest and tell her it's too much at the moment.

[SospanFrangipan]

I can understand that it maybe upsetting for you if you've been TTC for a while now. To be fair though, you cannot hold it against your friend. I had dizziness the day after conceiving, and knew straight away. So it does happen.

[HotSince63]

Friend is trying for a baby, as am I. All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely

It's not lovely though, is it? You don't want to share her highs, as demonstrated by your starting this thread.

[jessstan1]

Bless her. I had pregnancy symptoms when I was nine days late - but you say your friend isn't late so she may not be pregnant. She obviously wants to be as do you.

I hope you both achieve your dream before too long. You don't say how long you've been trying but for some people it takes a year or more and nobody can tell why (then they sometimes have three children, one after the other, no rhyme nor reason).

Honestly, why discuss such personal things with people in the first place? All that does is put pressure on you and that's the worst thing when trying to conceive.

Good luck anyway.

[WartyWorry]

You are being a bitch, but you know it, and it's understandable to a degree. Look at it another way - if you had got a bfp today and not af, would you have held back from your friend to spare her feelings? Or would you have been so thrilled about your happy news you'd have shared straight away? It works both ways...

As pp have said, it's inevitable one of you will be in this position at some point, of not being the one with the bfp. It's hard. I think if you're (understandably) finding it hard you need to stop sharing with each other.

really hope you have good news soon

[yeOldeTrout]

We haven't met her, maybe she's a bitch or simply insensitive & over-excited.

You can make a choice not to be upset even if she is fantasising or trying to upset you deliberately. Pregnancy is not a fairness reward.

[Osirus]

If it helps OP, I truly believed I was pregnant every month I tried. I still do this now even though we aren’t trying (but always have unprotected sex, you’ll see why below).

We needed IVF in the end. I never managed to get pregnant naturally and I always believed I was. It’s amazing how your mind tricks you when you want something so very much.

I was extremely fortunate that IVF worked first time. I had NO pregnancy symptoms until day 9 post egg collection. I remember feeling like I just wanted to sleep.

Funnily enough, that time, the one time I was actually pregnant, I didn’t believe for a second that I could possibly be. The positive test completely shocked me.

But how, four years on, I every month I still think I could be!

[DoveGreylove]

Be careful. Being so open about TTC at the same time can really backfire especially if one of you gets heartbroken along the way.

To be fair though, I probably wouldnt be so insensitive if my friend told me she's definitely "out" this month. She should know to pipe down.

I'd lay down some ground rules with her right now and say that you've realised maybe you shouldn't share so much as you felt a little down hearing about all of her symptoms... I'd just be honest and upfront and I'm sure she will understand if she's any decent kind of human being.

P.s. I started symptoms 7 days after conception. Light spotting, weird tummy cramps that didn't feel like period pain. So I took a test on 9 DPO and it was positive.

[Ponoka7]

It depends on the symptoms she is going off. I knew I was pregnant around five days after conception. I go on a massive high and can't sleep. I can feel the hormones. Unfortunately I've only had three live births out of seven pregnancies.

As said, you aren't sharing the highs and now need to share less. If she is being over dramatic and isn't pregnant then you will get this every month and her eventual pregnancy will be a nightmare or one that she claims is perfect, every time you want to share heartburn, exhaustion etc. Then you'll have the same when you both (hopefully) have babies.

[hellolittlebaby]

The first time I got pregnant, I had this weird heightened sense of smell that made me feel sick and a strange metallic taste in my mouth days after conception. I remember it very clearly. I knew I was pregnant and then I was able to do a test and confirm it later.

The second time, I had literally no early telltale symptoms.

[AlternativePerspective]

Most pregnancy symptoms are psychological. Ten days before her period is due the embrio won’t even have implanted yet, so although people believe they have pregnancy symptoms, they really don’t, they just want to think they’re pregnant and so the symptoms come about that way, and then it happens that sometimes, they will be pregnant.

if you’ve ever been on the TTC boards you will see that a lot of women have symptoms every month and are then upset when their period arrives. And if it doesn’t then they will say “see? I knew I was pregnant,” while forgetting that they’d had the same symptoms for the last six months when they weren’t.

I would be cautious about over sharing this way, because if she’s that adamant she’s pregnant and her period arrives on time, she may then also decide she’s had a miscarriage (yes, I’ve seen this happen,) even though she likely never was pregnant in the first place.

[KitKat1985]

I'm not sure sharing your trying to conceive experiences is working for you, as clearly it's not going to work if you are already getting annoyed at her pregnancy spotting symptoms whilst you haven't been been successful this month. What if one of you has a miscarriage or something and you have to listen to the other one symptom spotting?

For what it's worth some pregnancies do have really early symptoms. I had awful morning sickness before I even got a positive test result with my first pregnancy, (and oddly enough hardly any symptoms with my second pregnancy).

[ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule]

Sorry OP, all she's doing is sharing because that's what you've both been doing. The difference is she's not out for this cycle but you are, so it can't be fun listening to her convince herself she's pregnant and showing symptoms when logic dictates she probably isn't showing any right now. It's really hard but if I were you I'd need to dial down the sharing because unless you both get pregnant at the same time, there's bound to be some jealousy from the other side.

[GrandTheftWalrus]

All 3 times I've been pregnant I've had evil heartburn before my period is due. To the point I wake up with it. But the last 2 pregnancies I have been nightshift so thought it was all the energy juice and coffee.

I had very bad symptoms with my 2nd pregnancy and lost that one. With this one I've only felt sick. I'm now 16wks.

So she could have symptoms that early. But I think sharing a ttc journey with a friend is a recipe for disaster as one is bound to fall pregnant before the other. When I was trying with my ex husband (6 years and not even a positive test) I had joined various ttc websites and that was hard enough without it being someone I was close to.

I think you should take a step back from your friend and just concentrate on yourself for a bit.

Will you be able to congratulate her if she gets a bfp in 10 days time?

[Squashbanana125]

Why are you both over sharing?
As for symptoms I have to Agree I knew before a positive test. So it’s totally possible.
If you don’t want to discuss just say please I don’t want to discuss this moving forward

[Takebackthepower]

And this is why i dislike having women friends

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

That's very insensitive of her. I would maybe keep her at arms length while you're both TTC.

[Bluntness100]

I think this needs to stop too. I doubt she was aware that If you weren’t pregnant she wasn’t allowed to say she thought she was and why, or you’d think sh was being cunty.

So if she is pregnant you’re going to resent her, so better pull back now as she might be,

[Bluntness100]

@AlternativePerspective

Most pregnancy symptoms are psychological. Ten days before her period is due the embrio won’t even have implanted yet, so although people believe they have pregnancy symptoms, they really don’t, they just want to think they’re pregnant and so the symptoms come about that way, and then it happens that sometimes, they will be pregnant.

if you’ve ever been on the TTC boards you will see that a lot of women have symptoms every month and are then upset when their period arrives. And if it doesn’t then they will say “see? I knew I was pregnant,” while forgetting that they’d had the same symptoms for the last six months when they weren’t.

I would be cautious about over sharing this way, because if she’s that adamant she’s pregnant and her period arrives on time, she may then also decide she’s had a miscarriage (yes, I’ve seen this happen,) even though she likely never was pregnant in the first place.

I think as much as some of this is true, I knew before I took a test and I fell pregnant two months after coming off the pill, 23 years ago and before the internet was in common usage.

So yes, you can know.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

I was TTC at the same time as two friends. We discussed the things that sucked but not any symptoms we had.

I was the first to get my BFP after a year of trying. One of my friends was 6 weeks behind me and she had been trying for 18 months or so and had been told by specialists that it was unlikely to happen naturally (it did). My other friend was 12 weeks behind me.

All three of us have now had our babies. My friendship with the first friend hasn’t been quite the same since. I didn’t rub my pregnancy in either of their faces. I didn’t even tell them until several weeks in. But they weren’t pregnant when I told them and it can hurt when you’re desperate for your baby. I know because I watched several people get pregnant during TTC.

TTC really messes with you.

[FightingWithTheWind]

I get pregnancy symptoms before a missed period, I knew very early on with both of my daughters - however it could also be psychological if you want something badly enough you really can experience symptoms. Your friend probably isn't trying to be hurtful, just caught up in the excitement and not thinking about how you will be feeling. That doesn't change the dissapointment that you feel though obviously and so you can tell her that while you hope shes right, you've taken it quite hard that this wasn't your month and so you don't feel up for talking about pregnancy/baby stuff now. If she is a good friend she will understand.

[LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb]

How can she possibly be experiencing pregnancy symptoms when she wouldn't even be showing a positive pregnancy test yet?

She's not.

[Posturesorposes]

I won’t even address the substance of what you’ve posted. That is not where the problem lies.

Your problem is this weird degree of sharing. Stop it. Just stop.

[NYCDreaming]

@Takebackthepower

And this is why i dislike having women friends

You dislike having women friends because... sometimes you might be trying to get pregnant at the same and overshare?

[NYCDreaming]

Well she could very well be pregnant. She's been having unprotected sex, so it's quite likely that she's become pregnant. You'll know for sure in 10 days. I knew I was pregnant a week before my missed period, it definitely happens.

If this details sharing is upsetting you though, just tell her that you don't want to talk about TTC for a while as you're finding it upsetting. If she continues after that then she's not a very good friend.