Friends pregnancy symptoms, I don't think so.

[Falconfield]

So clearly I'm being a bitch and I suppose I feel a bit mean?

Friend is trying for a baby, as am I. All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely.

Well my time of the month has arrived so clearly no baby.
Told friend that I'm a little upset as its been quite some time we have been trying.
Friend has decided she is now definitely pregnant and has been telling me by text and phone calls about all of the pregnancy symptoms she has been experiencing.
Her period would be due in about 10 days (she told me this, I don't stalk her uterus)

How can she possibly be experiencing pregnancy symptoms when she wouldn't even be showing a positive pregnancy test yet?

Im not sure if she really believes it or she is just being mean?
It seems to be the trigger of me being upset about how long it's taking to conceive for her to literally shate in the same conversation how pregnant she feels.

I don't know what I'm asking really, maybe does it seem likely or is she just being a bitch?

[Russellbrandshair]

@Bluesheep8

Am I the weirdo for finding it weird that people (friends included) discuss such personal issues. Why is nothing kept Private.

No you're not a weirdo! And if you are, I am too. I cannot understand why people have to share EVERYTHING. Constantly.

I must be weird too because I don’t get this either!

Why? Why do people have to share every tiny detail of their lives including their periods and when they’re having sex? It’s bloody bizarre.
Also, clearly it’s not particularly healthy if it’s causing the OP to get upset by it so it can’t be that wonderful can it if it’s causing this amount of upset 🙄

[roarfeckingroarr]

It's threads like this that make me think the whole early pregnancy spotting industry is damaging. Expensive tests to tell you early, posters desperately seeking strangers' opinions for whether there is a very faint line etc. It cannot be good for a woman's stress levels, which in turn harms chances of conceiving naturally.

[LeSquigh]

Sometimes you want to believe something so much that you actually feel it. On the other hand she may well know she’s pregnant. I did, every time, almost instantly after conception.

[Bluesheep8]

Am I the weirdo for finding it weird that people (friends included) discuss such personal issues. Why is nothing kept Private.

No you're not a weirdo! And if you are, I am too. I cannot understand why people have to share EVERYTHING. Constantly.

[Ilovechinese]

I think its very unlikely to have symptoms of pregnancy 10 days before a period is due but people who desperately want to be pregnant can convince themselves they are having symptoms. I dont know if she is being a bitch, you know her personality and what she is like so only you can judge that.

[Tealuver]

This is a tough situation for you, and I've been there myself. My colleague & I were ttc at the same time, we actually conceived very close together & then unfortunately both miscarried close together aswell. This was the focus of our friendship and it was very depressing. I then got pregnant again, and she didn't. I felt so akward throughout & felt like I couldjt enjoy my pregnancy or even mention it around her. Having two people trying to conceive at the same time is not ideal. Try to distance yourself from it abit if possible

[Simplyunacceptable]

She’s just symptom spotting, it’s usually wishful thinking but she obviously might be pregnant too.

You’re understandably feeling fragile so just explain that to her, I’m sure she’ll understand.

[uisage]

Sorry that your period has arrived, it must be difficult for you to hear her talk about it.

Most early pregnancy symptoms are unfortunately also pre menstrual symptoms. When ttc I've been utterly convinced I'm pregnant right up until my period showed up. I would take her chat with a pinch of salt and maybe try to tone down the ttc with her - I preferred talking to strangers on the internet because when they got pregnant, I didn't need to talk to them again.

[Lozz22]

I knew I was Pregnant before I'd even tested. Had the most painful boobs ever to the point I was pretty much in tears from the pain. Went off chocolate and my sense of smell increased dramatically. That started around 2 weeks before I took the test. Unfortunately post miscarriage every pre period symptom is now identical too

[justanotherneighinparadise]

I suggest extracting yourself from this setup by saying you’ve decided to stop trying. Just say you’ve knocked it on the head until some point in the future. Get her off your back. Keep trying and announce when you’re twenty weeks. Job done.

[BabyMilkMonster]

I feel sorry for you as this sounds tough OP. But to be completely honest I think you'd sort of brought it into your life by sharing such intimate details from the get go. TTC can be stressful and disheartening and the last thing anyone needs is a running commentary or comparison. I'd take a massive step back and stop sharing this stuff. It would only get worse if you did get pregnant anyway, as it would become comparison of pregnancies.

But, so you are aware, pregnancy symptoms can start that early. I knew at least a week before my AF was due. I had sudden extremely sore boobs like I'd never experienced, which was the first sign, followed by tiredness and headaches. I just knew, and I had been trying for months. I didn't even need to take a test - but DH wanted proof!

[greeneyedlulu]

I had symptoms before a positive test, sore boobs, funny taste in my mouth. I think you're being sensitive which is reasonable in your situation. It does seem as though your friend may be being a bit show off but only time will tell.

[justicedanceson]

I get severe pregnancy sickness before a test comes back positive. I think it’s dangerous territory to start being more expert on someone else’s body than themselves. It’s a form of internalised misogyny. If you’re right and she is imagining it due to desire to be pregnant, what do you gain? If you’re wrong what do you gain? I just don’t understand these types of comments. It’s her body. Don’t pass judgement on it.

[Sceptre86]

I tested 6 days before my period both times as I was peeing lots and both times I felt pregnant and was.soke people do have symptoms that early. Tbh I would withdraw from her or at the least mention that you need some time to focus on yourself. She may just be excited and not mean to be so insensitive

[Bluntness100]

@Goldensnitchy

Yeah I think she’s being nasty or at least very self involved

Or she’s just really excited because she thinks she’s pregnant and she wouldn’t be the first woman to be, and thinks the op will not have an issue if she is, because the op actually states to us in one of her posts she wouldn’t be,

[Goldensnitchy]

Yeah I think she’s being nasty or at least very self involved

[Jobsharenightmare]

Telling you how she'll teach you to parent is very odd though!

[Jobsharenightmare]

She's getting excited and hopeful. You're supposedly friends that have decided to share your TTC journeys clearly, so in context, this is normal. The pregnancy boards are full of women wishfully symptom spotting and over sharing together.

[livinlavida]

I kept urging and hiccuping like mad well before I showed on a test with both my pregnancies. I knew a few days after conception both times - people don't usually believe this but 💯 true. I was tearing constantly and took me ages to get the positive.
She's not being a bitch - you're both trying. Why not be happy for her, as I'm sure she would be for you?

[Mulderitssme]

I'm sorry she's being so awful OP. I would back away from her. It is possible to have symptoms so early on. I started having mood swings four days after when I conceived and strong symptoms ten days before. I only took a test to reassure myself that I wasn't pregnant but I was. It can happen.

[Pineapples1980]

Sounds like she’s being a bit of a bitch but as someone who has been TTC for three years with several rounds of ivf and baby loss, I’d suggest you pull back and talk about other things. It might work out really well and you get pregnant at the same time, both take home a live birth but if either of you fail to get pregnant, have to have treatment, or suffer a loss, it will much harder for the both of you, especially if she’s already started to be a bit weird now.

[nolovelost]

I had symptoms after conception. Maybe you should stop talking so much about it to each other.

[1Morewineplease]

@Falconfield

Thanks for the messages, they have given me another perspective which is helpful.

I would be genuinely excited for her is she was pregnant.
I do want children but I'm not really desperate yet so honestly I think I would be OK with her being pregnant but not me.

What I found upsetting was the fact we were just talking normally, I then say something like 'shit luck, aunt flo has arrived.' I said it was a bit shit and DH would be disappointed. She then said 'oh well, bad luck to you, I'm sure I'm pregnant now and then listed a whole stream of symptoms. She ended the conversation with I will be able to watch her parent and get experience as she has read a ton and been to parenting classes so will be able to show me how I should behave and interact with a baby before having my own.

Maybe I should share less with her.

You need to stop sharing your conception details.

It's a private matter. Trying to conceive is a private matter , why would you be sharing the intimate details of your relationship?

We told no one ... it was our journey.

It sounds like you're competing and one if you is going to feel bad, like it is now.

[notalwaysalondoner]

Agree it’s exceedingly unlikely these are genuine symptoms at 10 days before her period is due - all 3 times I’ve been pregnant I had no real symptoms until about 2 days before my period and even then I had several months I had “symptoms” and then I was not pregnant - because the symptoms are generally normal hormonal things like irritability, feeling emotional, tired, and having sore boobs. These things happen to most women some cycles anyway. It’s pretty unusual to have nausea or other more definitive pregnancy symptoms until a couple of weeks after your period was due. The NHS says morning sickness is most common in weeks 7-12. I agree with others though, whether she’s being competitive or just doesn’t realise how she’s feeling, you’re sharing too much and it will inevitably lead to resentment and hurt feelings. Just tell her you need some space and don’t think sharing or hearing her details is helping, and share on Mumsnet if you really want to where everything is a bit more detached. There are some great TTC threads.

[pointythings]

It is possible to have symptoms that early - I did with DD2, intense nausea and sore boobs 10 days before AF was due. BFP when I tested.

But you two shouldn't be sharing so much and making it into a competition, that isn't good for either of you.