Friends pregnancy symptoms, I don't think so.

[Falconfield]

So clearly I'm being a bitch and I suppose I feel a bit mean?

Friend is trying for a baby, as am I. All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely.

Well my time of the month has arrived so clearly no baby.
Told friend that I'm a little upset as its been quite some time we have been trying.
Friend has decided she is now definitely pregnant and has been telling me by text and phone calls about all of the pregnancy symptoms she has been experiencing.
Her period would be due in about 10 days (she told me this, I don't stalk her uterus)

How can she possibly be experiencing pregnancy symptoms when she wouldn't even be showing a positive pregnancy test yet?

Im not sure if she really believes it or she is just being mean?
It seems to be the trigger of me being upset about how long it's taking to conceive for her to literally shate in the same conversation how pregnant she feels.

I don't know what I'm asking really, maybe does it seem likely or is she just being a bitch?

I'd suggest you stop sharing so much... she's not really being mean as you've set the president between you for sharing a LOT of details about this and someone will get pregnant first. Its really not a competition.

It's best not to share your journey if it's going to upset you.
I'm sure it will happen for both of you soon and wish you all the best.

I had symptoms (sore breasts) for a good 10 days before my period was due. By the time I did a test on the day after I was due on I had gone up a cup size.

I can’t imagine sharing this level of detail with anyone other than my partner

Neither can I. I don't understand why some people think that TTC is something to be shared with anyone else. It's too personal.

Stick to TTC boards here not with people you know!

If your sharing your baby making journey with someone then at some point one of you is going to get pregnant before the other (unless you both fall pregnant the same month) so surely you know there’s a 50% chance she will fall pregnant first? If she is pregnant then that’s great isn’t it? I don’t see she’s doing anything wrong by sharing her symptoms, yes she might not be pregnant and if she isn’t you can do the “oh, don’t worry, maybe next month” thing and move on.

If you are going to share TTC together you need to be prepared one of you will get pregnant before the other and you need to be happy for them.

Sharing ttc with someone who also was, was always a recipe for disaster. That said I’d suggest caution sharing with people who’ve had kids instead. I struggled and tried to share with people who’d had kids...who’d got pregnant really easily...and got the cliched advice ‘I think you’re stressing too much, stop stressing and it will happen’...’it’s easy just have lots of sex’...and I found being told that when I was struggling, equally as irritating.

You cant be discussing this stuff in detail and be fine with it as long as neither of you are pregnant- thats ridiculous.
Either you want to discuss it or you dont.

If you are finding it too difficult then dont discuss the issue of pregnancy, TTC, periods etc with her AT ALL. You cant open up the discussion and then shut it down just because she may have a result that you want. Either talk about it or dont talk about it but you really have no right to get pissy about this now.

DD was staying with us when she got pregnant, for a couple of days before her period was surveyed started running to the loo every five minutes. We all knew that when she tested it was going to be pregnant. Sometimes you can tell other times you can't.

This sounds so unhealthy. Good luck with TTC but I think you need to back off from your current dynamic with this friend.

@HotSince63

Friend is trying for a baby, as am I. All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely

It's not lovely though, is it? You don't want to share her highs, as demonstrated by your starting this thread.

This. I don’t think your friend is being a bitch, you on the other hand starting this thread isn’t very nice. Stop over sharing.

Its understandable you are jealous but surely if you were feeling symptoms early on you would also be excitedly sharing with her?

Its best not to talk about this between you both anymore it will only end up in you falling out

Try not to worry but I know it can almost get competitive
I was on a ttc fb group but after a few both announcements then pregnancy announcements all in v shirt space of time the 2 admins who were struggling to ttc shut the group down. I felt bad for them but it was as if they thought there was a yearly quota for having a baby that had been used up by others when that’s not the case ! The bitterness got quite unpleasant it wasn’t a nice group to be in near the end of it

both-birth
Shirt-short

The second I decided to start trying for a baby (wasn't even off my contraception yet) I got pregnancy symptoms. Obviously they were just psychosomatic, probably the case too with your friend.

I do think two friends both sharing the experience of trying for a baby at the same time is almost always going to lead to issues. Inevitably one conceives first and the other is hurt, or one loses an early pregnancy and is devastated just as the other gets past the first trimester.

@OatSweetpotato Was that people who met through MN? Or how did you find the FB group?

Any TTC boards on any forum are full of people thinking they're pregnant very early on because they have all the symptoms (or what they've read are early pregnancy symptoms at least - not necessarily the ones they will have when they do get pregnant!) to the extent where if their period does come they'll convince themselves they've had an early loss despite not having had a positive test. It is really unhealthy but I've been there and got the t shirt so I'm not judging- I do think it's best to step away from it if you can though.

You've overshared with her so she thinks you're a safe space to say these things, rod, back and all that.
I'll never understand why anyone thinks other people need to know they're trying to conceive, it's cringy and unnecessary.

I had morning sickness at 7 days after ovulation. So yeah she could have symptoms.
Why be a dick, just be supportive and excited for her and if it turns out she's not then support her.

I was on the conception board while ttc, it's a lovely place full off early symptom spotting and all the excitement for eachother

All the best to you with TTC but you sound bitter.

‘ All great we can share the highs and lows... lovely.’

NOT lovely at all!

Fertility matters are v often bad news for friendships.

Oh gosh, please don’t exchange notes on TTC- that will only lead to heartache and anxiety for one or both of you.
She is symptom spotting and excited. Really normal and if you also weren’t TTC you would probably be excited for her rather than hurt?

Not impossible, I had symptoms with my last pregnancy at around the same stage. Took a test the day after my period was due but it was negative - yet I knew I was pregnant (my fourth pregnancy) sure enough another test the following week was positive.

I really think these things should be kept to yourself - as pps have said this stuff can bring out the worst in otherwise decent people. People get oddly competitive about baby stuff long before there's an actual baby. You have your partner to discuss it with.

@gypsywater no not through mumsnet it was a group I searched for ttc on fb