Aibu regarding xmas plans? (Sorry another xmas one)

[Jj2431]

I have 3 kids age 12,7 and 3 months. Every year we see my parents and sister on Christmas day, this year we decided it would be no different, however, before we could discuss any plans, my dad rang me to tell me we can either go to theirs Christmas day afternoon or they could come to ours early Christmas morning because they couldn't come to ours in the afternoon as they have already arranged for my sister to visit them then. I told my dad I couldn't do Christmas morning as with 3 children it was going to be hectic enough with presents and trying to sort Christmas dinner. We also don't drive and would have to get two taxi's there and back to my dad's if we went to them in the afternoon and if we should run out or forget something for baby then we don't live close enough to just get it and all shops will be shut. He said they will come on Christmas eve instead which I have agreed to but I'm not happy because

1. My sister is a single person with zero responsibility so she could get up in the morning and go to them and free them up for us in the afternoon

1. They planned without us even though we have more responsibility to work around.

1. I know one of the reasons my dad won't want to come to us in the afternoon is because he hates getting taxi's and will refuse to drive because it then means he can't drink for an afternoon.

1. He has banged on since March about missing the kids and now he has a chance to spend time with them it's his way or no way.

1. When i asked mum her thoughts she replied with ' I would prefer to see you on the day but you're busy'...erm no, I'm busy early morning because I have 3 kids, I'm not busy the rest of the day.

So AIBU or should I just think well Christmas eve it is then?

Just for the record, I grew up the black sheep and I probably do still feel I am when situations like this happen and I feel last on the list of priorities.

Why can't your sister come to your place?

Have your Christmas day as you want. Tell df you will be home Boxing day. He knows the way..

It's a little bit strange that you aren't all meeting together. Did you consider offering to host them all in the afternoon? Otherwise it's family, so I'd have let them just come in the morning. Put the kids in Christmas pyjamas the night before, get yourself and the baby ready in the morning and then the kids can be sorted out whenever.

Invite parents and sister to yours???

But yes, if you don't like that then just have them come on Christmas day or Boxing day. You really can't decide that the only possible answer is Christmas Day afternoon at your house and only your parents not single sister, then be offended by that not being the best option for everyone else.

*Christmas EVE that should say

Does your mum not drive?

Yabu. Sorry if there is other background to this that makes you feel like the black sheep.

But its Christmas day, he doesnt want to get a taxi anymore than you do.

All the stuff about forgetting stuff for the baby... nappies/milk.

Why can't you all be there at the same time?

Just let them come on Christmas morning, the kids can show them their new toys while you and DH get dinner started. You're making a fuss about nothing.

Host them all at yours?

Have them found in the morning for all the “Santa’s been!!” chaos (which they might love) - they’re not going to expect calm on Christmas morning with 3 children in the house.

Sorry, but I can understand why your parents have made a priority of your sister not being alone - you will have people around you whereas she will be by herself.

Just to confirm that Sister is invited but doesn't want to. She wants to come on boxing day instead

Invite them for Boxing Day.

I really don't get the angst about seeing people on the day. Tell you df christmas eve will do and spend christmas day with your dh and dc doing what you want. It's difficult if you always feel an afterthough but I would concentrate on my own family unit.

Have them all one Boxing Day??

perhaps they feel your sister needs company
cant you all go there in the afternoon?

I should have said in my op that we Can't do boxing day because my sister has invited my parents to hers on boxing but not us. She wants to nip in quickly to me boxing day and then pick my parents up and have an adult only afternoon at hers. Thanks sis

They had made arrangements to spend the time together, I assume for Xmas lunch, if it’s the afternoon. If they come to you were you offering Xmas lunch? Why can’t you’re sister come too then? If you’re not offering lunch exactly when do you expect them to have it and do all the cooking?

agree with above, all to yours for boxing day,otherwise, their choice i guess

never mind it is hectic, let them come to yours in the morning ... the more the merrier, dont stress it op

Right, so you and your sister just don't want to see each other then. Just have the parents over on Christmas Eve or morning of Christmas Day.

does your sister live alone?

Your sister sounds quite spoilt, it's all her way, isn't it? why do they enable this?

Yes, I'd be upset, too.

Have you picked up the phone and explained some of this to your family members? Sounds like some crossed wires and nobody knows you're feeling put out.

What do YOU want Christmas to look like? Start with that. Then tell your family why Christmas morning is difficult for you and ask if you can sort out a plan that makes everybody happy.

I’m just curious when the op expects them to have Xmas lunch? She’s not saying she’s inviting them for it.

Op, I don’t see how you’re low on the list of priorities, it seems you’re giving them very narrow choices.

Do you usually compete with your sister then bleat poor me if you don’t get what you want?