To put this present in the food bank?

[XmasHollie]

I bought a present for my ex from our son (hes 3) however my ex is being a prize dickhead. hes purposefully rotaed himself to work every weekend during this lockdown so I get no break at all. Hes changing shifts to work so he cant have his son aswell. Aibu to say no presents and put it in the food bank?

yabu you are spiting your son here.

Who doesnt know anything about xmas presents to dad as hes 3?

If you want to help the food bank, maybe sell it and buy the food bank food with it? That way they can help more families than just one. Or sell it /take it back and buy your son a present with the money.
I wouldn't want to give the food bank staff more stress about who they think deserves the present the most.

I'm not going to ask the food bank about the ethics of it its food so they can have it

If say it depends how much you spent on the present. If it's a small token gift give him it anyway. If it's more expensive give it to food bank and buy him a box of roses or lynx set or something similar. I would definitely give a small token gift just so that you are the better person and are doing the right thing and your son can see that. Very frustrating though your ex sounds like a complete prick. Chin up xx

Why don't you just give it to your son from you?

Could you not give it to your son from you? If not give it to the food bank and tell your ex to sort out his own present and me a dad to his dc.

@Dashel I think the present is to the ex from the son

Foodbank it send ex a picture of his son for Christmas because clearly he isnt seeing him for sometime

Is the present to your ex from his son actually food?

Save your money. Don’t buy him any presents from your son.

"I bought a present for my ex from our son"

It's the very first line of the OP and it's not difficult to understand.

Children like giving presents even at 3. If it was expensive then keep it for yourself but atleast wrap up a Terry's chocolate orange or similar.

I think it depends in whether your son helped choose the present for his Dad and wanted to give him a gift, in which case you are taking the pleasure of giving away from your son. If your son doesn't know or didn't choose the gift, then donate it.

Food bank. I'm sure the staff there are more than capable of deciding who gets it. But yes buy an extremely small token gift so your son has something to hand over. Socks or something boring.

@Calmandmeasured1

Is the present to your ex from his son actually food?

You can put more than food in food bank some people donated lego toys they gave them away for free

Sounds like you’ve already decided?

Personally I think I’d carry on for this year, and reevaluate next year. My son’s 3 and loves giving presents to close family ‘from him’. He helps decorate the wrapping paper etc. Would your son enjoy doing it? If so, carry on.

Give it to the food bank.

Depends a bit what the present is. Might a charity shop be a more sensible option?

Oh please don't OP or if you must at least get something else even small. I remember DD giving me a present at that age. She wrapped it herself ( wondered where all the sellotape had gone!) and after I opened it kept asking me if I liked it.. and was still asking by new year.

It was a packet of jelly beans. DP had let her choose herself. Apparently he tried to steer her towards nice bubble bath but she was adamant!! They really do take pleasure in giving presents even at that age

It depends. Make the decision if you want to send your ex Christmas/ birthday presents or not and be consistent. Personally I chose not to.

I'd rather not as my ex doesnt even care about his son

You've decided then. Tbh you may buy him a present and your son may not have the opportunity to give it to him as hes not seeing him.

I supported the children with gift buying for their dad for the first two years. He did not do the same for me. All I was doing was showing them that you reward shit behaviour. So stopped last Christmas. And informed him that he/his gf need to support the children with gift buying. Also I had no child support for 2 years so why should I spend my money on him. When what I have should be for the children.

Start as you mean to go on. Card picture in £1 shop frame maybe.

No, you get ds to hand it over, you smile sweetly knowing you are being a good parent.

You do this next year too, and the year after.

You can think about sending ex a turd in a shoe box but you retain the high ground.