To put this present in the food bank?

[XmasHollie]

I bought a present for my ex from our son (hes 3) however my ex is being a prize dickhead. hes purposefully rotaed himself to work every weekend during this lockdown so I get no break at all. Hes changing shifts to work so he cant have his son aswell. Aibu to say no presents and put it in the food bank?

Why did you buy the gift if you have no intention in giving it? I'm trying to understand your logic, if you're complaining about being a door mat then don't act like one. I understand it will take a long time to snap out of ingrained behaviour, now is the time to put boundaries in place.

I think you need counselling and some CBT to help you put emotional distance in between you & ex & to model strong, healthy emotional behaviour to your son.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

the one time I let them use their own money to buy him presents and kept my mouth shut (the youngest bought him a bar of chocolate because it was what he could afford) he went batshit at them because, in his words, it simply wasn't enough.

If, let's say, your child went batshit because a present you got them wasn't enough, would you:
a) tell them they are a spoilt brat and there will be no more presents until they have thought about their behaviour and know how to show gratitude and appreciation, or
b) buy them more expensive presents?

You’re just spiting your son. You have no right to do what you’re proposing. Awful, controlling behaviour

I've never got my ex presents or fathers say gifts from the dc. Not my responsibility anymore

If your son doesnt know about the gift you bought for him to give, then yes donate.
In future though i think its sending mixed messages for your son to give gifts to his dad who thinks so little of him. You wouldn't do it in any other area of your life. Christmas presents are for childrens joy imo not for children to try and gain favour with adults who aren't interested.

You have no right to do what you’re proposing

She brought the present and has all the rights to decide not to give it to the ex. He's not entitled to get anything.

How do you know he's changed shifts just to avoid your son? Are you sure he hasn't has his rota changed and you have assumed he did it on purpose as you clearly have a lot of resentment?

@livinlavida

How do you know he's changed shifts just to avoid your son? Are you sure he hasn't has his rota changed and you have assumed he did it on purpose as you clearly have a lot of resentment?

He says hes working but has been seen out and about by my family. He used to do this shit to his ex wife and now he does it to me silly sad man