MIL & the nursery rug

[Sunshine1996]

I know I’m going to sound like a completely ungrateful bitch but MIL has bought a rug for the nursery and it is not to my taste at all. I adore my MIL, it is her first grandchild and she is so excited which is lovely. It’s not even something I could stash away as she comes round often. I realise this isn’t really a huge problem but I’m 36 weeks pregnant and very hormonal 😂 it clashes completely with her room, just a rant really.

Aww she meant well - and other than the quotes I quite like it. Some great suggestions above around how to get rid though

@AuntyPasta

It was obviously meant kindly.

You could keep it rolled up downstairs and put it down as a play mat/for tummy time when needed? It will protect the carpet/floor from drool and wooden play blocks being thumped on it.

I was thinking it would be perfect for next summer in the garden . I believe the forecast is for heavy rain.

@justanotherneighinparadise

Hmmm. I think it’s the materials isn’t it? It’s that classic synthetic type of mat whereas you would probably choose a natural fabric

I don’t know what to suggest. I wouldn’t want it in the nursery due to the chemicals. But how you would explain that to your MIL without offending her god only knows. I’d have that rug in the utility instead 😬

What do you mean by “chemicals”?

Everything is made of chemicals, even “natural fabrics”. If you mean you think something made of synthetic fibres would give off fumes, you’re wrong.

I'm seeing a baby lying in the rug.
I'm seeing a baby getting it's nappy changed on the rug.

I'm seeing a baby crapping on the rug.
I'm seeing the crap stain not coming out of the rug.
I'm seeing rug being irretrievably stained.
Oh no! Rug had to be replaced.
This can conceivably happen in a three month window.......just saying.

My mil made a rug for both my children. I get them out when she comes round, twice a week!

2 suggestions other than the one as indoor & outdoor playmat
when you start to wean baby onto solid food it would work well under the highchair
second bring it with you when you visit dmil & use it as a tummy play mat - than smile & say wouldn't it be a great idea to keep this here for when we visit
I like the second
tbh I think some people don't get the excitement of being gm & of course she wants to buy something - its not over stepping mark its just thinking what she might do - its not going to wreck your house, like decorating its just soft furnishing (which can be rolled up & disappear or possibly be in the wash & in the airing cupboard until she forgets about it)
lets be kind not judgemental

Oh my god I’m sorry but that rug is absolutely hideous! Have you decided what you’re going to do??

The first rug I put down in DS's nursery barely lasted a year, and I tried really hard to save it every time was sick on it/ swiped the calpol syringe out of my hand decorating it with drops of sticky pink etc. In fact, if you've got a nice rug/ carpet in the nursery, you should put this one on top to protect the nice one.....

DS could projectile vomit across a room, not to mention the nappy leaks for the first 3 months. I'd use it first then replace it with one I liked once the explosive poo and vomit stage is mostly over, instead of ruining a nice rug.

I'm afraid someone needs to say something - right now - or these gifts will continue.

Try the bad news sandwich:

MIL thank you so much for the rug, its so sweet that you are thinking about our baby already and I can't wait until he/she can have snuggles with you.

I'm really sorry, but I've had a bit of a set idea for baby's nursery - and no doubt the pregnancy hormones are making me a bit more OCD than normal.

I was thinking about getting this rug/picture etc for the nursery. Can I be really cheeky and ask whether we can return the rug and exchange it for XXX instead?

Only you know whether it will go down badly despite the careful wording - but otherwise you've got YEARS ahead of you of bad gifts you'll need to drag out when grandma comes to visit.

I don't see why you should be grateful when someone buys a large decor item for your child's nursery without consulting you. I think doing that is quite rude actually, although I accept your MIL probably meant really well in this case and it is nice that she is excited. I would step in right away though and say that while you appreciate the gift it won't fit in with the room and ask to return or exchange.

Ps. I say that from the the perspective of living in a small flat though...if I had room to store things I might just get it out for her visits if they aren't too frequent.

From now on you need to say "ah, you should've asked. I've already ordered one"

It would be kinder to simply ask if you could exhange it. You could suggest you go together and pick something that doesnt clash with the room. Far easier than pretending it is all fine and then secretly getting rid of it. She would be more offended turning up finding you have got rid of it without a chance of changing it. If your worried about offending perhaps her son could tell his mother.

I am enjoying the reviews. There's plenty of 'bought for Granddaughter's bedroom', including this corker from Narcissinanna: 'Beautiful rug with meaningful words. Purchased for grandchildren aged 13 and 10 years, during lockdown, so they can read the words and always think of me even though we're apart. They love it!! Would definitely recommend'.

This is my favourite though: @Lovely mat! Bought for my pet rabbit. He is so relaxed and calm on it, hasn't dug or bit it and seems to love it'.

Have you got a rabbit at all OP?

I had something similar. When a friend came to stay, he made a big iron burn on my living room carpet, right in front of the fireplace. On his own initiative, he went out and bought me a rug to cover it up.

Unfortunately, I was aiming for a white, green and silver colour scheme in that room and the rug he bought me was black, white, red and orange. Maybe one day, I’ll move somewhere bigger and can make use of that rug, but at the moment it’s rolled up under my bed.

I’m amazed that several posters have called your rug “hideous”. It’s in neutral colours and although I’m not a big fan of quotes (and the text is a bit close to the edge), I like the moon and stars theme. The moon isn’t actually back to front, it’s a waxing crescent. I can’t imagine that rug clashing with many colour schemes to be honest.

However, as it’s not what you wanted, I would move it to another room and use it as a playmat. I agree with telling MIL you were afraid you’d trip on it in the dark.

And I agree that buying furnishings as a gift is usually a very bad idea.

Ask her to exchange it?
Sorry I might be in the minority here but posting a picture on here of it is just a bit mean.
People are now ridiculing about it. Not nice at all.
Only on mumsnet will someone describe a rug as twee .

@Nottherealslimshady

Put the cot on top of it to protect the carpet?

Genius!

You might find it’s useful even if it’s not to your specific tastes. I’ve got wooden floors and I always found them a bit hard for my babies so have had various mats around the house. it’s nicer than the sponge playmat monstrosity that is now a permanent feature in our living room. That monstrosity has saved our hardwood floors though so it is serving a purpose and it doesn’t matter if it gets trashed. I have a gorgeous and v expensive rug that has felt-tip pen on and the rug we chose for our nursery has some odd staining (I believe it is shower gel from when my 3yo was making potions..). Basically, small children have a habit of destroying stuff. Save the things you actually love for when they can be trusted to not wee, poo, vomit or draw upon them.

First rule of motherinlawing should be not to buy furniture/soft furnishings/art work for someone elses home.

I think you’re being really mean spirited. It’s ok to not like it
But it was graciously given And you’re really taking the piss. Posting a picture for people to pile in
Give it to the HV she can give it to someone who needs it,who’ll not conspicuously complain

Gosh yes I’ve received some gifts not to my aesthetic taste, I say thanks
And that’s it
When asked if it’s in use I’ll explain it unfortunately met some untimely demise

@Christmas1935

I'm afraid someone needs to say something - right now - or these gifts will continue.

Try the bad news sandwich:

MIL thank you so much for the rug, its so sweet that you are thinking about our baby already and I can't wait until he/she can have snuggles with you.

I'm really sorry, but I've had a bit of a set idea for baby's nursery - and no doubt the pregnancy hormones are making me a bit more OCD than normal.

I was thinking about getting this rug/picture etc for the nursery. Can I be really cheeky and ask whether we can return the rug and exchange it for XXX instead?

Only you know whether it will go down badly despite the careful wording - but otherwise you've got YEARS ahead of you of bad gifts you'll need to drag out when grandma comes to visit.

@Christmas1935 you clearly have a lot of tact and emotional intelligence to suggest a response worded in that way. Really surprised, therefore, to see you using “OCD” in such a casual way. It’s a mental illness and using it to justify someone not liking a rug is extremely insulting to those who suffer from it.

I don't find it hideous, but I don't like rugs because of the trip hazard, so wouldn't want one anyway.

Just use it as a playmat and/or changing area. That way baby is highly likely to come to your rescue with puking and poonamis.

You need to find a way to get across to MIL that you would rather be the one choosing the decor and soft furnishings for all of the rooms in your home. If she wishes to make a gift of some of them then suggest that she could put money towards them once you have made your choices.

If you don't want to be honest then could it be a solution to put a nicer bigger rug over it? And then when she visits separate the rugs so that both are visible.

I would use it as a playmat on the lounge floor and then roll it up (to keep it clean) when not in use.