To take DD home from playground because she wouldn't do her coat up

[Toomuchtooyoung01]

DD 3.5yrs refusing to let me do her coat up as she wanted to show everyone in the playground her new dress. (Several people had commented on it on our way in).
After several times telling her that I needed to do her coat up and explaining why (because its cold) and her refusing, I said we were going home (again, explained lots of times we would go home if she wouldnt do her coat up).
DD hysterically crying all the way back to the car and back home.
Am I out of order for taking her home?

YABU. Just because you are cold, doesn't mean she is. Children have more brown fat than adults, which keeps them warmer as it has a higher metabolic rate.

And what does that teach her about consent? It's her body.

She is not going to die of frostbite at the park.

Neither of my dd’s are allowed to play outside if they don’t have a sunhat on for most of the year here in Australia.
They aren’t allowed to play outside if they aren’t wearing at hat at school either.
If they don’t wear their hat at the park or won’t leave it on, We go home.

This is no different.
Don’t wear your coat, you don’t get to play.

If I had been out with my small children, in the cold and with jacket unzipped, I'd have zipped it up whether they wanted it or not!

@Mypathtriedtokillme

Neither of my dd’s are allowed to play outside if they don’t have a sunhat on for most of the year here in Australia. They aren’t allowed to play outside if they aren’t wearing at hat at school either. If they don’t wear their hat at the park or won’t leave it on, We go home.

This is no different.
Don’t wear your coat, you don’t get to play.

Of course it's different. In Australia you can get sunburn which increases the risk of skin cancer.

There is nothing untoward that is likely to happen to a child in an unzipped coat on a mild autumn/winter's day in the UK as it was here yesterday.

I can't believe some of these responses. Op fwiw you did the right thing and I would have done the same . People saying oh you should have let her be cold , then she would have learnt are forgetting the fact that if she caught a cold and was ill as a result, you would be the one up all night looking after her . For me as long as you live under my roof , you do as I say , when you are old enough and move out , you can what you want .

You don't catch a cold by getting cold.

YABU, she's three. If she's cold she'll tell you. She was excited about her dress and you really over reacted.

Ds is a really warm kid, so coats never last long on with him. Unless it’s sub zero or absolutely belting down, I just let him crack on.
That said I do think parenting is about consistency and following things through. So once you said you’d take her home, you were right to do it. Personally, no cost wouldn’t be an issue for me.

@rosiejaune

YABU. Just because you are cold, doesn't mean she is. Children have more brown fat than adults, which keeps them warmer as it has a higher metabolic rate.

And what does that teach her about consent? It's her body.

She is not going to die of frostbite at the park.

Sorry, but this has absolutely nothing to do with consent. Don’t twist it like that. Parents are allowed to make their child wear a coat when it’s freezing. I make my class put a coat on and zip it up for playtime (my head of year asks me to). I don’t think I’m teaching them they have no control over their body.

OP, you were right to follow through on the consequence because if you don’t then she’ll never listen (although I do think it’s important to admit when you’ve made an error of judgement to a child - but I don’t have a 3 year old, so not sure if it’s appropriate at that age?). I wouldn’t have threatened it though. She had her coat on, it just wasn’t zipped up.

My DH is constantly having stand offs with our 4 year old over wearing a coat. She is never cold and constantly trying to lose layers. DH tries to force her. I take warm clothes with us and let her get on with it. She's perfectly capable of deciding whether she's warm enough.

You can’t catch a cold from cold weather. I wish people would realise this.

@bloodyhairy

If I had been out with my small children, in the cold and with jacket unzipped, I'd have zipped it up whether they wanted it or not!

Why? I genuinely can't think of a reason unless your child has some kind of condition that means they would suffer some kind of medical problem from being cold and not being able to let you know they were cold why wouldn't you simply say let me know if you feel cold and need me to do up your zip

Why is it better to make child who isn't feeling cold be too warm? I really really don't get this, it's almost like people are scared of the cold.

People are bizarre about wrapping kids up like onions if there is a cloud in the sky.

Don't feel bad. I have been like this and have only recently calmed it down. My daughter is usually a little radiator but also can tell me if she is cold etc. X

You gave her a consequence and followed through. That's good parenting. Don't listen to those making some OTT judgy comments. I doubt very much she will be scarred for life at this. I wish there were more parents out there willing to teach their kids that they can't have everything their own way. Because I'm sick of dealing with over entitled young adults/teens.

@WitchFindersAreEverywhere

You gave her a choice, hopefully calmly and clearly. You gave her a reason for you wanting her to do up her coat. You followed through.

What do you think will happen next time you want her to do something she doesn’t want to, and you go through the same steps?

Sounds like reasonable parenting to me.

This. Always follow through. Petty reason for some. But once you have set the rules you have to follow through.

Yes I agree with follow through but the child could have genuinely been too hot/uncomfortable with the coat done up so that particular battle could have been setting her up to fail.

And what does that teach her about consent? It's her body.

You could make the same argument about making a 4 year old brush her teeth. It would still be stupid. She’s 4. She doesn’t get to ‘consent’ to basic care.

I think this was a bit over the top. she would get cold and let you know.

I also am strict with hats because I live in Australia - difference is, there is a short and long term health problem from not wearing one. For a coat, there isn’t. If she’s cold, she could just do it up.
Mine are often out on a cold day in shorts and t shirt and I just take a jumper with me for them.

Always follow through with your "threats" I have never given our DS and outcome i am not willing (and have not ) carried out, never.

But I think at 3.5 they can say if they are cold, it's good for them to be making some of their own decisions to learn.

It's not the end of the world, she knows you done as you said, but it wouldn't have been something i would have given as an outcome.

This. Always follow through. Petty reason for some. But once you have set the rules you have to follow through.

Why?

@Pumperthepumper

This. Always follow through. Petty reason for some. But once you have set the rules you have to follow through.

Why?

Because children need reliable boundaries.

I wouldn't have fought this one. At least she had her coat on and it's not freezing.