Friend let slip she pines for my DH !

[Highfivemum]

Chatting to friend on zoom while drinking wine and having a chill last night . All good fun. Lots of laughing and joking. Suddenly in conversation my friend said well I have always pined for your DH. Let me know when you have had enough of him !! I was taken back but replied in joke that does she want his snoring as well and she said oh yes please and his dirty undies, my dream man !!!i said nothing as i didn’t know what to say !! We finished chat no longer after. She had had a drink but wasn’t drunk. No idea if I shd mentioned it or not. DH just laughed when I told him but AIBU to say something. ?

@LolaSmiles -
My response is based on how I would behave - it’s not a blanket response that I would expect everyone else to agree with, but people have their own opinions gained through experience & I don’t believe it’s a bizarre response just because you personally don’t agree with it...
In my experience, if a “friend” says I was “lucky” I have anything regardless of what it was I would see an element of passive aggression there...
I would be wary of that person and would step back as in my experience and opinion when I have encountered this type of behaviour before it has turned out this “friend” was in fact a “frienemy”...

@Highfivemum sounds like you and your friend have resolved this with respect and kindness - always nice to hear that happen when the thread advice can go a bit scorched-earth

sounds like you and your friend have resolved this with respect and kindness - always nice to hear that happen when the thread advice can go a bit scorched-earth
I agree. I think the OP has handled it well.

P
Of the back of this thread part of me wonders whether I need to keep a mental list of friends to cut off if they make a joke about my husband or use the word lucky.

She obviously didn’t know she had overstepped though as she hard to press you to find out why you were suddenly being a twat to her.

Don't people say things when they're drunk that they wouldn't normally dare to say?

Don't people say things when they're drunk that they wouldn't normally dare to say?
Sometimes, though I'm sure if we took that as a given then in my university days I had moments where I loved delivery guy who brought me pizza in the early hours and secretly wants to run off with him.

I told people i fancy them when drunk when i absolutely dont when sober. I also lashed out on someone who irritated me sober but sent me ballistic drunk. I dont think there is truth in drink otherwise theyd get criminal suspects drunk.. it is not a a truth serum.

Your friend is obviously joking. I
Dirty undies os part of the joke because its that yucky. Some people are so highly string, jesus.

My friend has the perfect husband always said to her I'd like my own version of him. Discovered lately from someone who knows him, he is far from perfect. Dont want one now

Probably a joke and tongue in cheek. But even if serious not worth giving it any thought as they aren’t together and it’s not on the cards

You're right to move on OP, I don't think it's a big deal really. How many times in life have some of us jokingly made a comment that we fancy 'x' celebrity or a colleague or random person we say on the train say- doesn't mean you actually want to go out with them does it or want to separate them from their wife. It doesn't make you a bad person or disgusting or immature to have a bit of a crush on somebody who has a wife if you have zero intentions of doing anything about it and it's just a total fantasy bit of a laugh.

If she was planning to try and come on to your DP in any serious manner I hardly think she would joke about it. Presumably he wouldn't entertain it if she did either .

People aren't our property or our intellectual property either. Policing this just seems over the top. Women are so prone to being in competition with other women over the slightest things when really all that matters is that you're secure I your relationship and your DP is faithful.

Calling her a 'teenager' for having a different lifestyle and working through things or perhaps deciding she doesn't wish to behave as you think she should as an older woman is a bit pathetic though. Why can she not do these things and why does it bother you? Not your place to judge as a friend.

If she was going to do something about it she wouldn't have told you. Don't you discuss widow lists with your partner? Those friends you would pursue after a suitable mourning period? Take it as a compliment. It was most probably meant that way.

Alarm bells would be ringing. You're very generous to carry on with the friendship and support for her. Be careful and keep an eye on her.

When I left or should I say ran from my marriage, I went a little wild it's the norm apparently you either go off the rails, go off your head or work yourself into exhaustion. I chose all of the above, dont like to do things by half 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I've probably overstepped the mark loads of times for deep thinkers on here.
It was clearly a joke.

I was taken back but replied in joke that does she want his snoring as well and she said oh yes please and his dirty undies, my dream man

That part would definitely lead me to think she was joking. Surely noone (well no woman..as I know some men actively buy these ) is turned on by dirty undies.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

Happily resolved by OP

Thanks Speckled. Was just about to comment after reading through most posts. Didn't realise it was a zombie thread because it was on active.

Seriously, MN should close comments to zombie threads fgs!

FWIW though, I was going to say I took OP's friend's statement the way some people would say "Can I have your kids, mine are doing my head in at the moment" but obviously don't really want someone else's kids. I know when it has to do with a DH/DB/DP, reasoning flies out the window and the claws come out.

Also, after reading OP's update, I'm surprised no one's mentioned her friend could be on MN and saw this thread, which may be why she knew something was wrong. Probably decided not to confront OP about the thread but contact her the way she did instead.

Kudos to your friend though for setting things straight without confrontation and kudos to you OP for standing your ground - trusting your DH and being there for your good friend - amidst the 'LTB' and 'Crush her' posters.