Friend let slip she pines for my DH !

[Highfivemum]

Chatting to friend on zoom while drinking wine and having a chill last night . All good fun. Lots of laughing and joking. Suddenly in conversation my friend said well I have always pined for your DH. Let me know when you have had enough of him !! I was taken back but replied in joke that does she want his snoring as well and she said oh yes please and his dirty undies, my dream man !!!i said nothing as i didn’t know what to say !! We finished chat no longer after. She had had a drink but wasn’t drunk. No idea if I shd mentioned it or not. DH just laughed when I told him but AIBU to say something. ?

Very awkward OP. Not sure I would want to keep her as a friend, if I am honest.

If it made you feel uncomfortable you could say, “No more talk of stealing my husband, it makes me feel uncomfortable”. It is worth a try setting down a boundary on it. If she ignores that clear boundary, that is more of a problem.

She didn't "let it slip", she told you and was very likely making a (bad) joke.
If she really had a crush on him, would she really make an announcement to you about it?

It's not a joke - because it's not funny. Somethings are just not funny. A friend saying they fancy your husband is one of them.

It’s happened to my DSis. Her best friend said to her: if you ever get bored of you DH please let me know, I will have him. In the end my DBil and BF had an affair and now my DSis and her DH try to build up their relationship.
So I would advise keep your eyes open and yes it was totally inappropriate.

Never tell your DH your friend has a crush on him.

It’s a joke.

NoPain definitely not insecure. I just don't think it's a joke at all. What would be the funny part, genuinely asking.
More like the friend is testing the water here.

My neighbor / friend does this but she is great fun although abit bonkers so I find it funny. Plus dh unlikely to be unfaithful and if he were even more unlikely to be so with my bonkers neighbour !

My best friend is referred to by the bloke as “my reserve wife”. He loves me. She’s zero threat to me. I think you’re overthinking this, OP.

@JillofTrades

NoPain definitely not insecure. I just don't think it's a joke at all. What would be the funny part, genuinely asking. More like the friend is testing the water here.

yes, that makes sense, the friend is testing to see if the OP would reply "oh ok, you have him then". That is very likely

It doesn't matter if you find it funny or not, how likely is it in real life that someone would declare a crush to the wife and expect her to just pass the husband over? Seriously...

Personally I would limit contact with her going forward

I think it’s quite common but most people don’t say it out loud to the spouse.

@Weebitawks

It was probably just a joke

Definitely a joke between friends. You'd have seen signs before now had there been any dubious intent on her part.

Had it been said after he did something spectacular (such as wining and dining you), then I could see it as a joke.

However, pining is an odd choice of word, and her reply to your response. Most people would leave it at that. I would be wary.

@mummytonicekidz

Personally I would limit contact with her going forward

Why? Will you keep your DH away from any woman who might find him attractive?

"yes, that makes sense, the friend is testing to see if the OP would reply "oh ok, you have him then". hmm That is very likely grin"

I laughed out loud at this. Unless they're swingers, that's highly unlikely isn't it?
But you have brought back a memory of a film on Jacqueline DuPre when her DS let her sleep with her (the sister's) DH. Jacqueline was in the early stages of MS, but didn't know it yet.

I do think this is a bit icky tbh. I think it's the wording... I think, if it came up in conversation I'd say "oh yes, Tom is very good looking" or whatever. But saying "gawd I've been PINING for Tom. When you're done with him...". My friends would boak.

Telling your mate you fancy their husband is totally NOT ON.

pine is a weird and horrible word and so for that reason alone sibu

“I have a small crush” might have been ok and laughed off as a joke!

I might say to a friend that I wouldn’t mind a husband who was like their DH (as in if they are a kind and decent person unlike my exh) but I wouldn’t say their actual DH!

I'd take it as a compliment too - and the dirty undies part as a joke. Nothing to worry about imo

@DeeandraReynolds

I do think this is a bit icky tbh. I think it's the wording... I think, if it came up in conversation I'd say "oh yes, Tom is very good looking" or whatever. But saying "gawd I've been PINING for Tom. When you're done with him...". My friends would boak.

Exactly. I find this sort of conversation grim. It would be nothing to do with not trusting my husband, it would be limiting my exposure to someone who expresses themselves like a dickhead.

To me, whether or not your trust your husband isn't the issue. I simply wouldn't be comfortable with someone who would say something like that to me and would probably distance myself at least slightly as a result. (However, just because you trust your husband, there's no reason to invite trouble or tempt fate.)

That's not the way anyone I know speaks, and if it was a joke, it wasn't a good one, since OP didn't see it as a joke. Clearly that's not the kind of friendship OP and this woman have, or OP would've known right off that it was a joke.

When people tell you who they are it's often a good idea to pay attention. I'd be putting distance between her and your DH. Permanently. Get yourself a real friend.

She wanted you to tell your DH. Now she’s in his head - because everyone loves to know when someone finds them attractive and it’s very magnetic.

She crossed a boundary. She’s letting you know her situation is making her more self-serving,