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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend let slip she pines for my DH !

142 replies

Highfivemum · 27/11/2020 12:53

Chatting to friend on zoom while drinking wine and having a chill last night . All good fun. Lots of laughing and joking. Suddenly in conversation my friend said well I have always pined for your DH. Let me know when you have had enough of him !! I was taken back but replied in joke that does she want his snoring as well and she said oh yes please and his dirty undies, my dream man !!!i said nothing as i didn’t know what to say !! We finished chat no longer after. She had had a drink but wasn’t drunk. No idea if I shd mentioned it or not. DH just laughed when I told him but AIBU to say something. ?

OP posts:
Crumbleweed · 27/11/2020 18:24

Really depends on the friend. I have some friends to whom I could say 'your DH is looking quite fit at the moment' without a second thought, with others it would just seem completely weird.

1FootInTheRave · 27/11/2020 18:24

This wouldn't be okay with me and I would distance myself immediately.

confusednotcom · 27/11/2020 18:26

I am not sure whether your post means should you say something to the friend or to your DH? And if so, what?

I don't think I'd have said anything to DH as it's just not worth putting the idea in his head no matter how ridiculous it seems. I'd feel weird if DH said something like that to me. A friend has said her DH thinks I'm hot which again just felt icky and like she was testing me out (she's the jealous type!). I'd encourage her onto dating sites and maybe see a bit less of her and don't think I'd mention to DH again. If he brings it up that's another matter!

psychomath · 27/11/2020 18:32

@Crumbleweed

Really depends on the friend. I have some friends to whom I could say 'your DH is looking quite fit at the moment' without a second thought, with others it would just seem completely weird.
Agreed, and also depends on how well she knows your husband. If she's only met him once or twice and is clumsily trying to say that she thinks he's very attractive, I'd take it as a poorly worded but innocent compliment. If they're friends in their own right I'd find that a lot weirder.
CatAndHisKit · 27/11/2020 18:34

Not sure why did you tell your DH? I hope not the 'undies' bit.
Did you want to flatter his ego - or wanted to see his reaction?

mena51 · 27/11/2020 18:36

Ok, NEVER pass that sort of info onto your other half again!

Changi · 27/11/2020 18:39

I'd take it as a compliment.

Although the pining bit is a bit weird.

NoProblem123 · 27/11/2020 18:42

She’s joking - get over yourself.
Nobody want his dirty undies I’m sure.

tolerable · 27/11/2020 18:43

you know its-"off". her card is marked. she pretty much told you waiting to/she'll eat your leftovers. I wouldnt fan her weak ego buying into ever mentioning it again.you can trust her as far as you can spit. if she ever brings it up again,crush her.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/11/2020 19:37

"if she ever brings it up again,crush her."

What? Are you in some melodramatic telenovela or something?

Rhiannon13 · 27/11/2020 19:52

She wanted you to tell your DH. Now she’s in his head - because everyone loves to know when someone finds them attractive and it’s very magnetic.

This. Doesn't matter how faithful you think your DH is. The male ego seeks attention wherever it can find it.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 27/11/2020 22:37

Thank you all. I have no worries whatsoever ever about my DH. I tell home everything and don’t regret telling him. We have been together since school and have 6 DC. I am biased and he is fab. I am going to treat it as a joke. She is going through a tough time and I I’ll be there for her.

OP posts:
MiddleClassMother · 27/11/2020 22:42

Think it's probably just a joke, I hope anyways haha! Maybe keep them separated just in case

IEat · 27/11/2020 23:06

She's got a crush. I have one on my male friend. It's no big deal. It makes me happy when I'm with him. As long as the boundary by your friend isn't crossed you've nothing to worry about.

Isthisnothing · 27/11/2020 23:13

@Crumbleweed

Really depends on the friend. I have some friends to whom I could say 'your DH is looking quite fit at the moment' without a second thought, with others it would just seem completely weird.
This completely.

I have one friend who sometimes speculates quite seriously on how things might have been if she met my DP first. I do not appreciate it at all and tend to avoid meeting her with him. It makes me uncomfortable.

I have another friend who is a hilarious flirt, always tells my DP she is available if he gets bored of me etc. Very funny.

They are both very attractive so it's nothing to do with that. It's whether I think the joke is a joke or if there's something behind it.

Happymum12345 · 27/11/2020 23:35

You were brave telling your dh that she likes him. I don’t know any man that isn’t tempted by flattery, despite what you may think.

U2HasTheEdge · 27/11/2020 23:48

I think she was joking.

Even if she wasn't I don't see why it matters. I wouldn't care if my friend fancied my husband. I would trust them not to try to do anything and act appropriately about it.

I am surprised so many people would care. I would laugh if my friend said that as there is no reason why it would worry me.

U2HasTheEdge · 27/11/2020 23:56

@Happymum12345

You were brave telling your dh that she likes him. I don’t know any man that isn’t tempted by flattery, despite what you may think.
Bloody hell.

I have had friends tell me they think my husband is handsome and I have told him.. Not once did I worry that flattery would lead him into temptation.

I am not one who says 'I know 100% my husband would never cheat on me', but if I was worried that a bit of flattery would likely lead him to cheat then I wouldnt want him anyway.

donquixotedelamancha · 28/11/2020 11:43

Your so called friend comment is totally not Appropriate at All.!!! Your friend has got a school girl like Crush on your husband, but she should have kept this to herself..!!! Personally myself in your position I would downgrade your so called friend to ex,distance,and fade this friend gradually out of your life

you know its-"off". her card is marked. she pretty much told you waiting to/she'll eat your leftovers. I wouldnt fan her weak ego buying into ever mentioning it again.you can trust her as far as you can spit. if she ever brings it up again,crush her.

Ah good, the hyacinths have arrived. It's a three exclamation mark crisis- go NC and phone 101. "Crush her".

There is absolutely no possibility that the obviously jokey comment is just a joke, she must be planning to steal him from you.

Doesn't matter how faithful you think your DH is. The male ego seeks attention wherever it can find it.

If only men were as disinterested in attention from others as all women famously are.

If OP were genuinely worried, MN would be the worst place in the world to post.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 28/11/2020 14:37

To answer a few. I didn’t post because I was worried. I posted as I didn’t know if i should bring it up with her or just ignore. I have decide to not make a thing of it. She did overstep the mark but will let it lie. If she says anything again I will then step in. To all who say I should not have told DH I think I t all depends on your relationship. My hubby thought it was funny. Just laughed it off. If my DH was at all tempted by someone else who flattered him then they are welcome to him as he isn’t the person I love. On saying that I know he wouldn’t I have total trust. Thank you for all your opinions

OP posts:
Yogalola · 28/11/2020 17:53

Maybe she was relaxed and hadn’t realised what she said until after she blurted it out and was terribly embarrassed. I imagine she just likes your DH but not in a romantic way, she just sees how happy you both are together and wishes she could find someone similar.

Isabelle1143 · 28/11/2020 18:09

I’d broach the subject with her sober, see how she reacts; that’s if you’re good at reading body language. Then make your decision, it might have been just an AWFUL joke gone terrible. Personally I would be creeped out

user1498582366 · 28/11/2020 18:30

If she is recently divorced, she’ll naturally be looking around and noticing relationships, marriages and people more so than when she was married. It’s the classic case in a film where actors relationships break down and all they suddenly see all these couples smitten and loved up, to the point of witnessing public affection and making them feel like complete failures.

Your friend is probably looking at your marriage and reflecting on her own. She may have thought that if she was with someone like your husband, she wouldn’t be divorced now. She may not physically fancy yours and might not pose any threat but has an idealisation of what a marriage with someone like your husband would be like.

It could have been a complete joke but it’s a strange thing to say.

I had a friend once ask me that if me and my husband ever split up, whether I would mind if she and he would get together. I know it wasn’t a joke but did find it hilarious just because I knew my husband wouldn’t be interested, even if he was divorced and desperate! I didn’t speak to her again, it made me think differently towards her motives for being my friend! It wasn’t a deep friendship and we’d only been friends around 2 years. It was no skin off my nose.

FelicisNox · 28/11/2020 18:49

I would take it as a joke but I can see why it made you uncomfortable.

I have a group of friends where something similar is happening and 2 of my friends keep gushing about how each others husbands are so sexy, it's totally weird and I'm pretty sure it's a mutual appreciation thing.

She might be trying ingratiate herself with you by saying how amazing your DH is (and doesn't fancy him at all) and might like some of his personality traits in a new partner.

Personally I wouldn't worry but if she does it again just tell her it weirds you out.

Preparedtobetoldimwrong · 28/11/2020 18:49

DH cooked my fab meal and brought lovely presents for my birthday. Best friend said I was a lucky girl and to past him over when I was fed up with him. I said I’d swap as her DH is a hairdresser and my roots need doing.
We’d had a drink but just one and both knew it wasn’t serious. I wouldn’t worry unless this became a habit of hers op.