Friend let slip she pines for my DH !

[Highfivemum]

Chatting to friend on zoom while drinking wine and having a chill last night . All good fun. Lots of laughing and joking. Suddenly in conversation my friend said well I have always pined for your DH. Let me know when you have had enough of him !! I was taken back but replied in joke that does she want his snoring as well and she said oh yes please and his dirty undies, my dream man !!!i said nothing as i didn’t know what to say !! We finished chat no longer after. She had had a drink but wasn’t drunk. No idea if I shd mentioned it or not. DH just laughed when I told him but AIBU to say something. ?

It sounds like a clumsy joke and I'd think nothing of it.
You trust your DH so there's no issue.

She's not called Mary is she 🤣

I wonder if she'd take on washing his dirty underpants at least, even though she can't have the full package?

This sounds like it was a joke but not a joke iyswim.

I think your friend sounds quite unhappy - which is really understandable if she's divorced and single in lockdown, and her ex has a new GF, and all her friends are happily coupled up. Maybe she does fancy your DH a bit, maybe she wants what you have in terms of a happy marriage, maybe she's feeling really lonely, maybe all of this, and it all came out in that really inappropriate remark.

As there's no risk of your DH being tempted I'd focus on being there for your friend. Obviously if she keeps making inappropriate remarks pull her up on them and make it clear you don't want to hear that, but this might be coming from a place of deep loneliness and she might need support for that.

A divorced old "friend" of ours once told me that I shouldn't leave her alone with my husband because she'd always fancied him. I retaliated by telling her I could understand it, her husband was useless in the sack after all. Fortunately rarely see her and have never seen her again...
Was I telling the truth or not? She certainly assumed that I was, which says a lot about her DH

I just never, ever comment on my friend's partners like that. One of my ckise frie ds was gutted when her do ran off with another friend. It happens.
I doubt she will but she wasn't funny.

Close friends*

On the plus side if you ever decide to try having a threesome you don’t have the awkward part of finding a third

Would you ever consider a thresome OP? Could be a fun time for all

OP she was quite obviously joking 🙄

Hmm, many a true word said in jest... I would distance myself from her completely. What was she like previously around your husband? I would ask my husband is there any “history” pre - you getting together with him, possibly you’re not aware of, as that’s a pretty strange thing to say & I assume you’ve known her for years so “get” her humour...the fact it made you feel uncomfortable, shows it was inappropriate, odd and not a joke.

Didn’t expect to be updating but here goes. My friend messaged last night would I like to Zoom for a chat. I was busy as had arranged to zoom my DB so I said sorry I am a tad busy. Many next week. This morning I had a message saying she needs to talk to me as she feels I am being Off with her. I wasn’t to be honest as I was busy so I said as much. She then called me and said had she said anything or down anything to upset me. I cowardly said No at first but as she persisted I said was a bit taken back by her comments about my DH. But as I am taking it as a joke we will forget it.
She said she was sorry etc and she agreed she overstepped the mark. She did say though that she honestly thought I was so lucky to have my DH. I feel sorry for her. She is struggling following her divorce and her ex making a new life. Covid hasn’t helped her and I am putting It all behind us now. She needs my support.

Fairydust11. No previous history as my DH and I have been together since school. We have been friends for 6 years. She has changed since her breakup and I need to acknowledge that.

You seem a really good, supportive friend... honestly I would step back from her as although she apologised, her saying “she thought you are so lucky to have him” doesn’t in my opinion sound like she’s being a good friend back to you... Why does she think you are so lucky? Does she think he’s too good for you? It’s a very odd thing to say to a friend and has confirmed she wasn’t joking, she was serious.

So basically you made your friend, who you know is having a tough time, feel like shit over one silly comment. Get over yourself.

Your friend reminds me of an ex friend of mine. She used to regularly say that she thought my DH was lovely and good looking, and then insist that she wasn’t attracted to him. It did feel uncomfortable after a while, as it was as if she was protesting too much. It was also unnecessary, as my DH is the most loyal person you could ever know and I’ve always completely trusted him.

We’re no longer friends, though not at all to do with that. It’s sad, because we used to be good friends, but she was also hard work and would regularly fly off the handle (she’s fallen out with all our mutual friends as well).

honestly I would step back from her as although she apologised, her saying “she thought you are so lucky to have him” doesn’t in my opinion sound like she’s being a good friend back to you... Why does she think you are so lucky? Does she think he’s too good for you? It’s a very odd thing to say to a friend and has confirmed she wasn’t joking, she was serious.

Or because there's quite a lot of useless manchildren out there and crappy men a single friend thinks OP has a good guy.

Seriously some relationship responses on MN are bizarre. It feels like there's loads of women ready to assume that every woman in the world wants to steal their husbands.

I have a friend who has told me she is going to bump me off, cash in the insurance money and run off with my husband!!

She is one of my best friends and I know the opposite is true.

Good Lord there are a lot of weird, insecure people with no sense of humour and strange approaches to interpersonal relationships on here.

The friend was clearly joking. Not in a waiting for the punchline kind of way, but in a lighthearted statement during a lighthearted conversation way. The use of “pining” was presumably hyperbole for comic effect. The finding his dirty undies attractive comment is so silly it’s obviously a joke.

And the people saying OP shouldn’t have told her DH, you clearly have very low opinions of your husbands - are you really that insecure? Occasionally people have told me they find my DH attractive. I’ve always told him - we have a laugh and it’s a bit of an ego boost for him. Why wouldn’t you pass on a compliment?

Tomselleckhaskindeyes
I joked with one of my friends that we should do a husband swap when we were talking about DIY and our respective husbands. I now know I should be grateful she hasn't cut me me off.

How strange that she’d share that with you. It’s the sort of think you’d say to someone else possibly, but certainly not to the wife.

I would be cautious in having a friend who thought I was “lucky”. There’s an element of jealousy there.

Friends who are genuinely happy for you will never say you are “so lucky”. They would say they are happy for you.

Yes I read into things deeply!! But my experience of people labelling me lucky, has only ever led to bitterness and jealousy and eventually treating me with nastiness which was projected from their views of me being “lucky”.

user1498582366
I'm glad you acknowledge you read into things too much because i would genuinely find it exhausting having to monitor my language to avoid people I consider my friends deciding I was jealous, bitter, resentful, after their man.

You're not alone in your thinking though. Threads like these begin to highlight how so many AIBU threads end up with dozens of posters declaring perfectly friendly and reasonable women must be trying to steal someone's husband, men and women should not be friends, anything short of gushing adoration and praise from a friend is a sign of envy, that posters who have a different opinion on a behaviour or topic must be obviously oh so jealous. Whilst you are open about being hurt in the past, there's a good number of posters on here who seem so wrapped up in their own brilliance that they really do think everyone must be jealous of them.

WoW. Some comments here that make me out to be a bad person
Firstly I didn’t say a word to my friend. The reason I eventually mentioned it was because she her self knew that she had over stepped the mark. !! Most of my friends I probably wouldn’t have batted an eyelid but her change in behavior since her split made me think more deeply. She has been acting like a teen recently and a lot of it is to try and show her ex DH she is doing ok. Etc. I understand that. I certainly did not upset her. She knew she had overstepped the mark without me saying and as far as I am concerned it is history now and we move on as normal. I will support her through this hard time.