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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger thinks house is hers

519 replies

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 12:15

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP posts:
goldielockdown2 · 27/11/2020 14:22

Wtf I can't believe people let themselves be trampled over like this. OP, just get rid she has racked up more than enough reasons. The most worrying thing is the knives. What the bloody hell has she done with them and why? Single white female alert!

PaperTowels · 27/11/2020 14:22

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
Of course you have! You're being gaslit!

Tell her that you have the might of Mumsnet behind you Grin

Glenthebattleostrich · 27/11/2020 14:22

Respond with it doesn't matter if I'm being unreasonable or not. This is my house and you are no longer living here.

ArcheryAnnie · 27/11/2020 14:24

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
It doesn't matter what she says to you. The notice you have given her is not a negotiation, or a discussion.

She can feel you are unreasonable all she likes, but it won't change the fact that she has to go, and take all her shit with her.

MellowYellow101 · 27/11/2020 14:24

Serve her notice and have some time alone. Its your home, you shouldn't be made to feel like the person letting a room.

Also allocate space for her things (as much or as little as she wants) and give her the weekend to get her shit together. If she doesn't, warn her any items left outside the allocated space will be binned. If you need to install locks on your cupboards, do so.

Re: the fridge, allocate her a shelf or 2 depending on the size. Same with the freezer.

You've let her take the piss and now she has got comfortable. You need to put your foot down!

Star81 · 27/11/2020 14:24

If she wants a house where she can spread all her stuff out then she needs to rent a flat / house not a room as a lodger. Did you lay out ground rules when she moved in ? Is this your first lodger ?

She will say you are unreasonable as moving out will be a huge inconvenience to her but having her in your home is a huge inconvenience to you !

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 27/11/2020 14:24

You have two options lodger:
You can be polite to me and leave under the terms we have discussed with both of us on good terms, or you can pack up your stuff and leave immediately.

foxyroxyyy · 27/11/2020 14:25

Doesn't matter if you're being reasonable or not. It's YOUR house.

Tell her to get the fuck out. Don't speak to her again for her month notice if you have to. Fuck her silly cow

flaviaritt · 27/11/2020 14:25

So what? Her opinion of this isn’t the relevant point. Who cares if she thinks you are being unreasonable?

Meepmeeep · 27/11/2020 14:25

@LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb

Yeah I doubt the champagne was drinkable at all, and certainly not worth money.
Agree. When younger I stupidly kept a bottle thinking it would taste so much better and ‘vintage’ in a few years time. Only about 4 or 5 years and it was foul🤣🤣🤣
NoSleepInTheHeat · 27/11/2020 14:26

Honestly do a super short notice, if she steals from you now there is a high probability that she will take things when she leaves.

I would say she has one week to move out and maybe a couple more weeks or a month to move her belongings, ie she can leave things at yours but you change the locks and she can only come by to collect when you are present.

TheShepherdsCrown · 27/11/2020 14:26

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
Nope she’s gaslighting and manipulating you again. I don’t know how long the notice you gave her was but half it, hell even quarter it. If she argues, halve it again. Do not give into the parasitical bully.
DartmoorDoughnut · 27/11/2020 14:27

Tell her MN says fuck off

rottiemum88 · 27/11/2020 14:27

@foxyroxyyy

Doesn't matter if you're being reasonable or not. It's YOUR house.

Tell her to get the fuck out. Don't speak to her again for her month notice if you have to. Fuck her silly cow

This. Get her out!
TheStripes · 27/11/2020 14:28

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
A simple reply saying you are sorry she feels that way but the matter is not up for discussion and she refer back to you previous message that she must vacate. After that, just ignore.
Aerielview · 27/11/2020 14:28

Your home is your castle. Give her notice, and give it now - TODAY! Have her out by Christmas if you can, so you can enjoy Christmas your way in YOUR home.

MellowYellow101 · 27/11/2020 14:28

Also change your door lock when she moves out incase she copies a key and decides to come back when you're away to steal stuff

justicedanceson · 27/11/2020 14:28

You are not being unreasonable. But say you were, say every single person on this forum is completely unreasonable. It doesn’t matter because it’s your house. So she is perfectly entitled to think that (and frankly who knows what is going on in her mind!), you can’t control it. You can and must control your own home.

fastwigglylines · 27/11/2020 14:29

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
She thinks you're being unreasonable? Tough shit. it's your house, you can be as unreasonable as you like (not that you are).

The law is on your side here.

Does she understand she has to go?

duckinatruckwithmuck · 27/11/2020 14:29

What a bitch. Tell her to get the duck out. Agree with others, ask a friend to come round if needed. The champagne thing has pissed me off on your behalf but you now have a story for all those CF threads!

FoolsAssassin · 27/11/2020 14:29

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
I was a disgusting human being apparently . Ignore it and just keep going and get her out.
TheStripes · 27/11/2020 14:29

She can put her belongings into storage and hire an Airbnb, both with immediate effect. So giving her minimal notice isn’t unkind and it’s a risk any lodger takes, especially a gaslighting thieving one.

fastwigglylines · 27/11/2020 14:29

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit

You have two options lodger: You can be polite to me and leave under the terms we have discussed with both of us on good terms, or you can pack up your stuff and leave immediately.
This.
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/11/2020 14:29

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
By the CF? - of course she thinks that - reclaim your home. However much notice you gave her, if she is going to be argumentative, shorten the notice period, it's not a negotiation. She should be able to get an airbnb or hotel quickly in the current climate; I can't imagine that she has many friends she could stay with.
AldiAisleofCrap · 27/11/2020 14:30

Everything is unreasonable except this And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. have you measured your bath?