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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger thinks house is hers

519 replies

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 12:15

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP posts:
HomeTheatreSystem · 27/11/2020 14:30

You can always call the police to help you get her out ....

EasttoWest · 27/11/2020 14:30

Fuck what she says!! It’s your house tell her you want her out in 4 weeks.

LannieDuck · 27/11/2020 14:32

What does she think you're unreasonable about - giving her notice?

Topseyt · 27/11/2020 14:32

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
You are absolutely not being unreasonable at all. Stick to your guns.

Give her the required length of notice and then take steps to evict her if you must. Citizen's Advice might be helpful, but if her notice expires and she refuses to go then she maybe becomes a trespasser and you could ask police advice.

Whatever you do, make sure you get all keys back from her at the end and/or change the locks

EasttoWest · 27/11/2020 14:33

Basically you give her notice - if she doesn’t leave then change the locks when she’s out. Jobs done.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/11/2020 14:33

Agree that the baths not unreasonable - I have a shower over the bath, often leave the plug in, and the bath ends up third full, even though I have quite short showers.

But you still need to get rid ASAP

Eckhart · 27/11/2020 14:34

It’s your house tell her you want her out in 4 weeks

There is no need for this, legally or morally. Legally, lodgers barely have rights and can be asked to leave at the drop of a hat without notice. Morals left the premises when the lodger started stealing.

EasttoWest · 27/11/2020 14:34

Change the locks anyway!

butterpuffed · 27/11/2020 14:35

How dare she talk to you like that ! Is she very young ? She sounds very odd, start taking control and tell her she's leaving.

Lolapusht · 27/11/2020 14:35

Give her notice and get your house back. Lodgers can be a nightmare. If she’s paying for 1 room then that’s what she can use. Use of communal spaces if that’s been agreed but then she also has to tidy and clean those spaces and also leave you space in your fridge for your food! We’ve just given our lodger 3 months notice because he’s having an affair with a married woman while living with his girlfriend in our house (long term friend so not normal “lodger”)Apparently we’re unreasonable and when we mentioned we didn’t want all of that going on in our house were told “Yeah, because it’s your house...I get it!” Hmm. It is our house that you a room in that is never cleaned with a bathroom that is going to take hours to clean once you haul your cheating ass out of here! Anyhoo...OP ditch your lodger and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Ginfordinner · 27/11/2020 14:35

If it was a poster it would be because you haven't put a stop to her utterly unreasonable behaviour. She overstepped the mark once and wasn't pulled up on it then overstepped it again and got away with it. By now she thinks she can do anything because she thinks you are a pushover and that she can do anything she likes.

She sounds awful and has to go.

Have you given her notice yet?

You might find this link helpful.

When you give her notice take anything valuable that you can’t lock away to your mum’s house and take photos of everything in case she decides to break things.

I hope your mum continues to improve Flowers

liveitwell · 27/11/2020 14:37

Good for you for serving notice. She's taking the piss and knows it. It doesn't matter what she thinks of the situation, you are entitled to serve notice for whatever reason.

Make sure you're around in the week before she leaves to make sure she doesn't steal or damage anything.

Good riddance to her.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/11/2020 14:38

www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home/ending-a-letting

viques · 27/11/2020 14:39

@Amy3030

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....
Tell her 230+++++ mumsnetters think you are perfectly reasonable and that she needs to clear the dining room table right now.
BuffaloMozzerella · 27/11/2020 14:40

It doesn't really matter what she says or thinks. It's your house.

MiriamMargo · 27/11/2020 14:40

come on grow some balls, she is taking over, cos your allowing it, get rid asap

Firstruleofsoupover · 27/11/2020 14:40

She doesn’t think you’re unreasonable at all, OP, she’s just saying it in hopes she can stay till the New Year with you nicely on the back foot.

I think Goldie is right to be super cautious re missing knives. Best case, they got borrowed for a craft project or are on a crumby plate somewhere in her room. But she may have taken knives specifically in an attempt to intimidate you.

I used to share a flat with a very odd woman who gaslit me, borrowed without asking and then lied about that, I found my items under her bed, took money from me. It is horrible when it’s just your word and integrity against one other who hasn’t got any scruples how much they twist you about. I’ll bet she’s gone through your post and likely your purse as well.

On plus side for you, I bet she will move out much quicker than 4 weeks just to “show you” (aka very hard to keep up act of injured innocence for that long if no material gain involved). She will tell everyone she had to leave because you are a nutcase. But everyone who knows you well will be aware you are not.

PaperTowels · 27/11/2020 14:41

[quote EveryDayIsADuvetDay]Might be useful

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/renting-a-home/subletting-and-lodging/lodging/what-rights-do-lodgers-have/[/quote]
From that page:

For example, they can change the locks while you are out

Call the locksmith, book them for the day you've asked her to leave!

sapnupuas · 27/11/2020 14:42

It's your fucking house.

Fuck notice. Get rid.

LeopardPrintKnickers · 27/11/2020 14:43

As everyone else is saying, what she thinks is irrelevant. Your house, your rules. Does she spend much time at home? So hope it's not too awkward for you.

HollowTalk · 27/11/2020 14:43

I'd ask for those kitchen knives to be replaced immediately, and anything else that's missing, too.

If you stay at your mum's over the next few weeks, don't tell her when you'll be back. If possible keep coming back unannounced and don't tell her when you're leaving again.

FangsForTheMemory · 27/11/2020 14:44

I click YABU because you should have told her to get her arse through the door before now. Give her notice but lock away EVERYTHING valuable before she goes. Also give her 24 hours to move all her crap out of the shared living space. I hope she gave you a deposit because you’ll need it to put your home right when she’s gone.

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 14:45

thanks for all your messages. I have given her 4 weeks notice.

OP posts:
SilverIvyRing · 27/11/2020 14:45

She is unreasonable.
Asking her to leave is the right thing to do
Be there when she leaves and have your locks changed straight away.
In fact have that booked now.

A little unreasonable about bathing.
You can’t dictate that, but you could have put her rent up, if your bills were increasing

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