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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger thinks house is hers

519 replies

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 12:15

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP posts:
FoolsAssassin · 27/11/2020 14:05

Do it , you will feel so much better. We had one quite similar. She nicked the hand sanitiser at a point when you couldn’t get any. Denied all knowledge and only went through an elaborate charade of ‘finding’ when we had to go somewhere and she realised it would be in her interests that we had some.

We ended up letting here live here for 5 weeks rent free , worth every penny to be shot of her. Had no concepts of personal boundaries and everything became a challenge so could get just a bit more eg. 2 parking spaces when it was always clear it was one.

fastwigglylines · 27/11/2020 14:05

@DryRoastPeanut

Give her notice to leave. Nothing more needed, no reason. Just tell her she has 6weeks notice.

Take back control of your home.

6 weeks notice is massively excessive!

She's s lodger, not a tenant. She has no rights in law. The OP could ask her to leave tomorrow and there would be nothing she could do about it.

festivebug · 27/11/2020 14:06

@LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb Are you the lodger or something?Grin

Osirus · 27/11/2020 14:07

Don’t go to a solicitor. You don’t need one.

She’s a lodger - she’s not a tenant. She has NO rights.

I would give her 4 weeks’ notice, which is more than fair. Type a letter and give it to her, or leave it where she will find it if you don’t want to hand it to her directly. You could also stick a copy to her bedroom door.

CorianderQueen · 27/11/2020 14:09

She'd be out with a charge for the champagne.

The other stuff isn't too bad, if you think she's using too much water or electric put the changes up, but I've had someone drink my saved champagne and it's just fucking rude.

fastwigglylines · 27/11/2020 14:10

Amy3030 this sounds really tough. But please take strength from the fact the law is on your side. It's your home and she has no right to be there if you don't want her to be.

I used to rent 2 rooms in my house to lodgers. We used to rent to mature students, which worked really well as they were there for a reason IYSWIM. None of them intended to stay forever, and it meant if we didn't get on so well, that didn't matter as we knew it was for a finite length of time. We did meet some lovely people this was who we've kept in contact with, however.

Just a thought, in case you think about doing it again.

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/11/2020 14:11

I am totally on board with a MN chucking out guard of honour.

pessimistiquerealistique · 27/11/2020 14:12

If you give her the notice then as PP said, don't explain too much. Just tell her you don't want lodgers anymore. She may ask more questions so be firm. Now it's different and you don't want a lodger. She is a parasite and she has found weakness in you. I'd still talk to a solicitor first.

madcatladyforever · 27/11/2020 14:12

I made my lodger pay another £50 a week as she used the washing machine daily and I'm quite sure it wasn't all her stuff. I said it's either that or the laundrette. She decided the laundrette was cheaper.

thenightsky · 27/11/2020 14:12

@MrsMarrio

It's time to ask her to leave

On a side note, champagne is at its best if drunk within the first 5 years. As every kept reminding me at my wedding I googled it.

Yes, this. I saved a bottle for 15 years and opened last year. It was vile.
ToDoListAddict · 27/11/2020 14:14

Did she pay a deposit? I'd deduct the cost of the champagne and chefs knives from that.

pessimistiquerealistique · 27/11/2020 14:14

She’s a lodger - she’s not a tenant. She has NO rights.

Does she not? Well I'd still double check their rights and her rights.

HomeTheatreSystem · 27/11/2020 14:15

You are a live in landlord: she is renting a room within your home. She has next to no rights: do not give her 4 wks notice. She will fuck you over big time. She has been taking liberties with your space and now has stolen from you. Even if you don't deel it, put your big girl pants on and get rid of her. It's her problem not yours if she's rendered herself homeless as a result of her stupid and entitled behaviour.

HomeTheatreSystem · 27/11/2020 14:15
  • Feel not deel
dublingirl66 · 27/11/2020 14:15

Poor you

I would not be so patient

No chance

flaviaritt · 27/11/2020 14:16

I made my lodger pay another £50 a week as she used the washing machine daily and I'm quite sure it wasn't all her stuff.

That would be a rapid “no” from me.

pastandpresent · 27/11/2020 14:16

Oh, I am so sorry OP. She has taken advantage of you and it's so awful. Hope you will have peaceful days without her soon.

AntiHop · 27/11/2020 14:17

Wow she's a completely cheeky fucker! As a former lodger myself, it think lodgers should be able to feel at home, but she had massively crossed several lines! Definitely tell her to leave.

SpilltheTea · 27/11/2020 14:18

I'd tell her she has 2 weeks to get out.

PaperTowels · 27/11/2020 14:18

@tectonicplates

Has she signed some sort of lodger's contract? Surely you need to give a month's notice? Are people on here seriously considering three days?

Also OP, are you financially okay to go without a lodger for a month or two? Because you're quite unlikely to find someone new just before Christmas.

Nonsense. Three days, when your lodger is stealing from you, is more than enough notice.

However much notice you give her, OP, watch your valuables!

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 14:20

I've just been told, I'm the one who's being unreasonable....

OP posts:
StrippedFridge · 27/11/2020 14:20

How much can she steal in 4 weeks? Is she the vindictive type? How much could she destroy that is sentimental or important, like old photos and passports?

I think you are afraid of the histrionics when you tell her to leave "her" house, which is why are are giving the over generous 4 weeks notice. Shorten it for the reasons above. Think about how many days you can tolerate of coming home to see the place trashed and things missing. Also the stress of waiting to see if she moves in 4 weeks as you realise she has packed nothing, sold nothing, moved nothing and you start wondering about getting the police involved. Don't do that to yourself.

She is a lodger. That's the deal. If you want to be generous give her one week's notice for herself, then if you are under pressure and want to offer something more, say she can have an extra week to arrange to get all her units and stuff but she herself must be out.

StrippedFridge · 27/11/2020 14:21

She is being rude. Fuck that. Downgrade the notice period.

PurpleMustang · 27/11/2020 14:21

Yep, she is taking advantage and needs to go (make sure you change the locks). If she questions it, just state the facts, she is taking over the rooms, purposely while you're not there. She has obviously outgrown the space her room has (using the dining room) and she need to look at renting a house to herself

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 27/11/2020 14:21

@LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb Are you the lodger or something?grin

That doesn't even make sense?

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