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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger thinks house is hers

519 replies

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 12:15

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 27/11/2020 13:44

Well I have no idea what to say about that! She sounds terrible TBH. What a bloody cheek shes got.Just tell her shes out in one month .No excuses,apologies nothing .

BitOfFun · 27/11/2020 13:46

@steppemum

The trouble with lying about the reason (eg I'm moving my mum in) is that then you need to give her reasonable notice. And yes you do need to give her reasonable notice. If she pays her rent monthly, then by the end of one month is reasonable.

BUT she is being asked to leave due to behaviour, so the OP can ask her to leave with much less/no notice.
Now it is likely to go better if you say out by the end of the week, rather than 24hrs, but OP doesn't need ot give her a month, and given that 1 month from today is Christmas, much better to not have to give a month.

I think THIS ^ is an important point. Don't lie about your reasons.
Viviennemary · 27/11/2020 13:46

It's your house so you can just tell her to go. A months notice. It's not working. People like her never change.

lemonsquashie · 27/11/2020 13:47

She's treating your house like it's her home. Which it is to be fair, as she pays you rent so is entitled to have a bath and down laundry

This is one of the things you have to either accept or give her notice

Why have you kept champagne for 20 years? Was it gone off? I don't agree with stealing but maybe she thought she would easily replace it

Plmoknijb123 · 27/11/2020 13:48

Omg tell her to go! Jesus I would be furious about the champagne. Take the cost from her bond. Honestly toughen up and stand up for yourself!

tectonicplates · 27/11/2020 13:48

Tell her to leave - but whenever you get a chance, dispose of dome of her crap (eg pour her shampoo down the sink, bin/destroy some craft items, and if she says anything tell her you know-nothing about it.

Oh FGS don't start with all this. Two wrongs don't make a right.

OwlOne · 27/11/2020 13:49

I agree that it would be good if you could get a friend, a strong person, to be with you, visibly and physicallly in yr corner

hellotoday27 · 27/11/2020 13:50

Just the champagne incident on its own would be enough to ask her to leave.

Hope you get it sorted (ie. get her to leave asap) and wish you much luck.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/11/2020 13:51

how distressing for you - give her notice straight away - make sure you have your home back to relax, feel comfortable in and enjoy before Christmas.

Is she your first lodger? If so (or even if not) learn from the experience and be clear about house rules before you take on another.

HermioneKipper · 27/11/2020 13:53

4 weeks notice is extremely generous in the circumstances. I’d say tell her 2 weeks. Cheeky cheeky cow. So sorry you’re having to deal with this while you’re so stressed. Do you have any burly mates who could come and kick her out if need be?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 27/11/2020 13:53

& how on earth can one person generate five or six loads of washing in a week?! Is she running a laundry service?!

Bobtheshark · 27/11/2020 13:53

She sounds awful.

The champagne must have tasted foul! You can’t drink 25 year old champagne!

festivebug · 27/11/2020 13:56

She 100% needs to go. Don't let people walk all over you.

Give her a few months notice. Demand she clean her things up out of the dining room, bathroom and to make room for you in the fridge. She can put her shoe rack in her room. I'd just ignore the bath, washing and heaters as she should be gone soon but make sure no future lodgers take advantage.

I'd also demand money for the wine but if I'm being honest, people like her will deny it and play dumb until the day they reach their grave no matter how much evidence you have against them, so I think you'd be best to let that go. Same with the kitchen knives.

For in the future, any chance you'd be able to get security cameras put in places like the kitchen and living area? Also, I would keep valuables in a safe place, not that you'd hide a knife or wine but things like jewellery, laptop ect.

pinkbalconyrailing · 27/11/2020 13:56

yanbu
give her notice. it's not working for you.

longwayoff · 27/11/2020 13:57

This sounds like a Patricia HighSmith novel. OP, she's got to go ASAP. Get someone to be with you when you tell her she's leaving.

SlightlyJaded · 27/11/2020 13:57

Type up an official 'notice' and hand it to her. That way you don't have to do awkward 'denials/guilt tripping'

Dear XXX

For some time, your lack of respect to my personal space has been an issue for me. You are renting a room - not the entire house. However as you know I have been preoccupied with my mother's health, so i chose to let it slide.

However, you stole a bottle of Champagne from me, then lied to my face about it and even implied that I might have somehow 'forgotten' I had drunk it. This was an expensive and sentimental gift that I had been saving for a special occasion - not a random bottle of wine from the supermarket (which would still have been stealing by the way). For that reason, I am giving you immediate notice to vacate but in the spirit of good will, will allow you to remain in the house for a week whilst your organise alternative accommodation.

What a shame you couldn't have been more respectful.

Kind regards
XXX

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/11/2020 13:58

@HermioneKipper

4 weeks notice is extremely generous in the circumstances. I’d say tell her 2 weeks. Cheeky cheeky cow. So sorry you’re having to deal with this while you’re so stressed. Do you have any burly mates who could come and kick her out if need be?
Four weeks notice is TOO generous.

Just think of the damage she can do in that time.

Give her as little notice as legally possible. She is entitled and possible slightly unhinged and you need her out asap

MoonElk · 27/11/2020 13:59

Some of what you said is unreasonable - saying that she should have showers instead of taking baths for example. Not everyone likes showers. She should be paying towards the bills though... Why is she using electric heaters? Do you keep your house too cold for her? Again, she should pay for this.

MrsMarrio · 27/11/2020 14:00

It's time to ask her to leave

On a side note, champagne is at its best if drunk within the first 5 years. As every kept reminding me at my wedding I googled it.

pessimistiquerealistique · 27/11/2020 14:01

Your lodger is a parasite. Go to a solicitor and see how to get rid off her. Talk to a solicitor.

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 27/11/2020 14:01

Yeah I doubt the champagne was drinkable at all, and certainly not worth money.

LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb · 27/11/2020 14:02

Your lodger is a parasite. Go to a solicitor and see how to get rid off her. Talk to a solicitor

She doesn't need one, at all.

justanotherneighinparadise · 27/11/2020 14:02

The champagne alone would have had be apocalyptic.

DryRoastPeanut · 27/11/2020 14:02

Give her notice to leave. Nothing more needed, no reason. Just tell her she has 6weeks notice.

Take back control of your home.

MoonElk · 27/11/2020 14:03

five or six loads of washing in a week?
I could see how it would happen if they are not very big but she wants her clothes clean, e.g. White load, black load, dark load, light load, bright load, bedding/towels.... She might not have enough clothes to wait to do bigger loads so just does them every week. But I can see how the loads can easily add up if you separate properly