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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger thinks house is hers

519 replies

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 12:15

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP posts:
CodenameVillanelle · 28/11/2020 09:47

A lodger has use of a room to sleep in and store their belongings, access to cook (at preset times if the landlord chooses)a drawer and a shelf in the fridge freezer and bathroom access.

I've never stipulated this for lodgers and would never tell them what time they can cook but all my lodgers have done this automatically. They have a table and chairs in the bedroom and none have ever wanted to use the living room or dining table. This is pretty normal for a lodger. They pay less than they would as a joint tenant, have no bills to share, no contract and no responsibility for the household management. In return they keep themselves to themselves and don't intrude on the running of the house.

lynsey91 · 28/11/2020 09:48

@megletthesecond

Yanbu. She sounds like a nightmare. Although 6 loads of laundry a week sounds about right.
For 1 person? Me and DH don't have 6 loads a week and that' with him having a job where his clothes often get very dirty.
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/11/2020 09:50

Well done

HMSSophie · 28/11/2020 09:51

I do two washes a week and live alone.

ShangelaLaqueefaWadley · 28/11/2020 09:51

Sorry to hear this, must be awful, definitely agree to ask her to leave.
Just say you're selling the house or something if you don't feel comfortable telling her.

Noidea2114 · 28/11/2020 10:07

My brother sent a solicitors letter to get his lodger out. Gave 14 days notice.
My DB went out (foolish) for a couple of hours while the lodger moved out.
Came home to the lodgers room being spray painted with swear words.
Didn't know where they went so couldn't claim for damages.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/11/2020 10:25

When is her rent paid until @Amy3030 and how are things today?

Newwayofthinking · 28/11/2020 10:26

Give her two weeks max....

Soontobe60 · 28/11/2020 10:28

Throw her out... TODAY!

80sColourfulChristmas · 28/11/2020 10:29

I'm really concerned that she's going to damage your home somehow out of spite.
You need to get her out ASAP

Ginfordinner · 28/11/2020 11:05

@80sColourfulChristmas

I'm really concerned that she's going to damage your home somehow out of spite. You need to get her out ASAP
Me too. Can you install a video camera anywhere?
lemonsquashie · 28/11/2020 12:05

You're all over reacting. The woman's not pleasant to live with but she sounds pretty typical of an annoying housemate. I've lived with plenty of diff people and this is not the common behaviour. She's just made herself at home

I wonder how much rent she pays?

Nothing she has done suggests she's evil or violent, just a bit rude and thoughtless

It would not be fair to install a camera and spy on her

It's also not fair to evict somebody with just two weeks notice. Give her a few weeks to find somewhere to go and tell her you need your own space. Simple. I doubt she'll turn psycho on you

lemonsquashie · 28/11/2020 12:06

Not uncommon behaviour

JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/11/2020 12:13

lemon I think that you may be missing the point somewhat. It isn't a house share, she's a lodger in someone's home and two weeks is very generous considering the stealing and lying.

If she wants a house share, which is how she's behaving I'm sure she can fine one quickly enough.

LyingDogsLie1 · 28/11/2020 12:23

Nothing she has done suggests she's evil or violent, just a bit rude and thoughtless.

She’s a domineering thief.

cbt944 · 28/11/2020 12:23

@frustrationcentral

I'd make sure you put away anything that is particularly special to you - esp if she knows, just in case she's feeling bitter about the eviction
Yes, do. She's shown she is shameless, and a liar, and a thief.

Good luck, OP. I'd be inclined to enlist any burly men of my acquaintance for backup in seeing her out. Even if all they did was stand around your kitchen one night delivering menacing looks, as she's treated you like a mug and has no respect. What a ghastly woman.

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit · 28/11/2020 12:49

OP I was a lodger whilst saving for my house. I kept almost everything in my room bar my coat which was in the hallway and obviously food, which I always tried to keep to "my" cupboard and never more than half of the fridge. I never had my mates over, never paid late, never hogged anything or took the piss in any way whatsoever. A decent lodger should understand that whilst it's their "home" it's not their property. This twat is absolutely ripping the piss.

If she's still there in 4 weeks tell her to fuck off and get the police to boot her out the front door, fuck me talk about a turd that won't flush.

billy1966 · 28/11/2020 13:05

4 weeks is far too long.

I would be reducing that to max 2 weeks.

I also would walk around your home and film so it is a clear record of the condition of your home.

Ask her to remove everything around the home and keep in her room as is the norm.

OP, shoukd you have any issues contact 101 for support, explaining your concerns and that you have had items stolen within the home.

I would be very wary of her.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Can you reach out for support IRL?
Flowers

Snowdrop30 · 28/11/2020 13:13

Honestly, I also think folks are overreacting now. A camera? Burly mates coming over? Really??? She's spread her stuff out a bit too much, been inconsiderate and cracked open your bottle of champagne (probably whilst a bit pished). Whilst this is annoying, and clearly isn't ok, she doesn't sound like someone who is either dangerous or a terrible person. Just not someone you are enjoying living with.

Snowdrop30 · 28/11/2020 13:42

For my 5p worth, I've been a lodger in someone else's home 3 x and it's not worked more often than it has. I think if you want a lodger to keep to themselves, inc all their belongings staying in their room, then this needs to be clear in the advert and the rent needs to be less. I've had one occasion where I took up what was advertised (and charged) as a 'flatshare' only to find that the LL wanted to charge top dollar, but also wanted no sign of anyone living there but her. (As in, she obviously found it upsetting if I cooked in the kitchen, sat in the living room, or had a single coat hanging in the hallway. She wouldn't even speak to me - she would just walk away as soon as I walked in the front door). That's a miserable way to live, so I left. The second time, a colodger was genuinely batshit - as in, an arsonist. So I legged it, and felt v sorry for my lovely LL trying to get her out. The third occasion was brill, flatted with an older couple and we became great friends. So....I do think lodging tends to be rather fraught, on both sides. It sounds like you are in the middle of a really difficult period in your life, OP. Can you afford to not have a lodger for a bit?

Branleuse · 28/11/2020 13:49

shes cuckooed you out of your own home. She needs to get out.

JillofTrades · 28/11/2020 13:51

You need to sit down and have a good long think as to why you allowed this to happen. You are the only person to blame for this situation. This wasn't an overnight change, it happened gradually and more blatant each and every time. You had many opportunities to stop this as you were in control of this situation. Lodger has been called all sorts of names and rightly so, but I think you need to think about why you also let yourself down this way. She only got away with what she was allowed to.

notdaddycool · 28/11/2020 14:12

Maybe try a Monday to Friday lodger post covid. It’s not their main home so many of these issues will resolve themselves.

GarlicSoup · 28/11/2020 14:15

@Lockheart

Good grief, it's your house. Tell her this isn't working for you anymore, serve her a months notice and have done with it.
^ This

If you let her treat you like this she’ll continue to do so. Serve her notice and charge her for the champagne.

Snowdrop30 · 28/11/2020 14:23

OP where are you in the UK? I've just checked the regs and lodgers have different rights in different nations.