Lodger thinks house is hers

[Amy3030]

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

Kick her out

If you're giving her a months notice I'd buy a small caddy and tell her she can only have in the bathroom what fits in there, designate 2 shelves in the freezer for her stuff and give her a week to eat the rest or you do, charge her extra for the heater or she's leaving in 2 weeks, and see if you can box up some of the stuff in the dining room for her to keep in her room.

A month is a long time to live like this.

So sorry you've had to live through this OP. If you are going with 4 weeks you need a plan to stay sane. Move valuables out, lock away, and photograph. Monitor any loss or damage or unreasonable behaviour as at any point you could reduce the notice period. Try to plan your time for pleasant things and talk regularly to supportive people. Get legal advice if necessary (covered in your home ins?). Try to be as calm, clear and assertive as you can at all times and start reclaiming the house. Yes it's a long wait but there will be an end point and what a relief you'll feel. I'd read up and get all the advice you can so you are prepared if this gets worse. What an awful experience. I can completely understand how this developed and how you feel. Sounds like you're a nice person who has been taken advantage of by a really awful human being. Good luck.

And be prepared for her to do nothing about finding somewhere else, and pulling the "But it's Christmas - where can I go?" routine when you come to tell her to actually leave.

TBH - if I were you I would say I'd been thinking about it and want her out sooner (you need to get your own Christmas sorted, and she is very likely to guilt trip you, or cause actual physical damage in you home - she has already shown that she has no consideration by stealing from you).

Honestly - you really need to get this parasite out of your home as soon as you can..

Wow - glad you’ve given her notice.

As a suggestion, I would follow it up this morning by putting all the stuff on the dining room table in a box (take before and after photos just in case) and leave it outside her door.

It’ll reinforce that you are serious, whilst making you feel better and more in control. If she says anything just say I should have asked you to move it ages ago. I need my table back.

@Amy3030

don't worry, DorisDaisyMay, I'm never having a lodger again. Would rather be homeless

Thank goodness you've given her notice!! She sounds awful, you'll be so much happier when she has gone :)

@Fairybatman

Wow - glad you’ve given her notice.

As a suggestion, I would follow it up this morning by putting all the stuff on the dining room table in a box (take before and after photos just in case) and leave it outside her door.

It’ll reinforce that you are serious, whilst making you feel better and more in control. If she says anything just say I should have asked you to move it ages ago. I need my table back.

This!!

She needs to leave with the minimum amount of notice you can give. Get rid before she spoils your Xmas.

@Amy3030

don't worry, DorisDaisyMay, I'm never having a lodger again. Would rather be homeless

Just be aware that the advice is that if she says she has to isolate a day before eviction date, that you should permit her to do so for the 14 days. So the 4 weeks could in fact be 6 minus a day.

And I presume you realised that her eviction date is Christmas day? 🎄🎄🎄

I would make her leave as soon as possible. The baths thing is ok but everything else!

Tell her your bringing your sick mum back with you to care for her at your home so she has to go. What a horrible situation.

I took in lodgers, students from overseas and all was well until I had a lodger who “took” over
I just gave him notice, a months notice told him my family member was moving in

Lodger don’t have any rights as tenants do, I was so glad when he’d gone and got my home back

Some people don’t get the difference between a house share and a lodger with a live in landlady

This was in February so it was very incredibly well timed for me as he left 20 days before lockdown...

Glad you're getting rid OP, as she's a CF and a thief, but there is no way that champagne was worth hundreds after 20 years. Take comfort from then each that she saved you from a nasty surprise when you tried to drink it!

Kick her out before she changes the locks. She sounds like a nightmare

I gave my CF lodger 1 week notice because she only paid weekly. What finally did it was her saying she couldn't afford to pay rent this month because she was going on holiday and then doing 5 loads of washing that was obviously stuff from her workplace like tea towels.
We had strong "words" I told her in no uncertain terms she was a freeloading CF and she had the nerve to be offended.

I had a lodger once.

I had to kick him out as he was awful. The day before he was due to leave he asked my husband by text if he could stay as he'd not found anywhere else.

@ReceptacleForTheRespectable

Glad you're getting rid OP, as she's a CF and a thief, but there is no way that champagne was worth hundreds after 20 years. Take comfort from then each that she saved you from a nasty surprise when you tried to drink it!

No idea where that autocorrect came from!

"Take comfort from the fact that...."

I had to kick him out as he was awful. The day before he was due to leave he asked my husband by text if he could stay as he'd not found anywhere else.

This is very likely to happen in this case unfortunately and I do think the OP has made it more awkward for herself as she's given her notice to leave on Christmas Day, a fact which the CF can okay on. Not even the Courts evict people over Christmas.

Honestly OP, I'd tell her that you want her out sooner. Given the theft and taking over your home and how she reacted when you gave her notice, I'd say Friday was being very generous.

In the meantime she can spend the weekend looking for somewhere else and shifting her stuff into storage.

a fact which the CF can okay on. meant "play on". She's very likely to use a Christmas Day eviction to her advantage.

@Snowdrop30

Some of this stuff doesn't sound unreasonable - leaving shoes on a shoe rack, having baths. That's all pretty normal behaviour. If she's paying rent she's a housemate and your house is her home too. I've been a lodger before and the person who owned the house put back in my room anything I left anywhere else in the flat. That was pretty miserable and made me feel really unwelcome. But it sounds like the balance has got really out of whack the other way, and you don't seem able to talk to her about it. That said, stealing the champagne is totally over the line. It does sound like maybe you don't want any lodger? Can you afford to live without one?

You were a lodger. Your stuff stays in your room.

What don't you understand about that?

There is a massive difference between a lodger with a live in landlord and an actual house share.

A lodger has use of a room to sleep in and store their belongings, access to cook (at preset times if the landlord chooses)a drawer and a shelf in the fridge freezer and bathroom access.

The OP was well within her rights to stipulated showers only and to expect the lodger to keep her belongings in her designated space.

Your issues with feeling unwelcome are due to you not understanding the arrangement. Not your landlord.

Yanbu. She sounds like a nightmare. Although 6 loads of laundry a week sounds about right.

A lodger has use of a room to sleep in and store their belongings, access to cook (at preset times if the landlord chooses)a drawer and a shelf in the fridge freezer and bathroom access.

That's not necessarily true.

We very much encouraged our lodgers to feel at home and make use of the house if they wanted to. We're sociable people and would rather get to know a person living in our house.

But, the point is, there is a very clear power balance here and it's stacked completely in the direction of the home owner.

However you choose to run your household is the deal the lodger gets. Many people prefer lodgers to stay in their rooms as much as possible, that's not for us but it's perfectly valid. If a lodger doesn't like the set up the only remedy available to them is to vote with their feet.

And, even thought I'm very laidback, the OP's lodger would still be out on her ear for being a cheeky fucker! You can't have someone in your house you don't trust.

I'd make sure you put away anything that is particularly special to you - esp if she knows, just in case she's feeling bitter about the eviction

If she's paying rent she's a housemate and your house is her home too. She isn't a housemate, she's a lodger.

@megletthesecond

Yanbu. She sounds like a nightmare. Although 6 loads of laundry a week sounds about right.

For one person? How, FFS?