Lodger thinks house is hers

[Amy3030]

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP did complain about the lodger taking a bath though.

I know. If she had just said “She gets two baths a week and uses up loads of freezer space” I’d have a very different view. Baths aren’t taking the piss.

Glad you've given her notice. What a pisstake. You're not being unreasonable so dont let her make you feel bad.

OP, please get rid of her ASAP.

She stole your precious bottle of champagne that she knew you were saving. She’s a grade A thief, not just a CF.

I’d give her 1 weeks notice or a visit from the Police, with no notice, if she prefers.

Gwenhwyfar thinks I am treating my lodger unfairly

i am not complaining about the lodger just because of the BATHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when lodger moved in, she agreed to showers to keep the bills down, then next day, was running a bath and has done so for 5 months.

But to be fair, you didn’t specify that before.

Remember OP that on a thread like this someone will always want to paint you as unreasonable no matter what the circumstances.

Your lodger is making life in your home miserable. If she wasn't there your life would be better. The solution flows from that.

@Amy3030

yes the champagne may have been undrinkable, I was just saving it for 25 year special occasion. I would've liked to have found out for myself.

Which was entirely up to you to find out. The fact it might have been undrinkable isn’t the issue (although it sounds like she managed to get through most of it).

@flaviaritt

OP did complain about the lodger taking a bath though.

I know. If she had just said “She gets two baths a week and uses up loads of freezer space” I’d have a very different view. Baths aren’t taking the piss.

They are when, as OP has said, it’s been agreed to take showers instead to keep costs down.

They are when, as OP has said, it’s been agreed to take showers instead to keep costs down.

I didn’t think that was in the OP. Apologies if it was.

Sorry flaviaritt just seen that was a crossed post.

Let us not get distracted by the CF lodger's bathing habits. The important thing is that this Single White Female (I assume ) is getting the boot!

I think if someone is shameless then the 4 weeks' notice is sensible (obviously Christmas makes it a bit awkward but stand firm on the date).

Giving her a shorter period to leave would have been more likely to lead to 'I've got nowhere to go/ haven't been paid' whereas this is gives her much less of an excuse to try and stay and things get messy.

no, that wasn't in the OP, my apologises flaviaritt

Gwenhwyfar thinks I am treating my lodger unfairly

This user was the only outlier/maverick on a thread I posted a while back too.

Your lodger's behaviour has not been reasonable, and even if I has been; it's up to you whether a lodging suits you or not.

@Amy3030

thanks for all your messages. I have given her 4 weeks notice.

Well done Amy3030.

But don't forget, if she keeps on taking the piss or if she ratchets up the cheeky fucker behaviour, you can always ask her to go sooner.

I suggest hiding your valuables and keep your toothbrush out of her reach (some spiteful people like to do horrible things to toothbrushes for revenge eg wiping them in the toilet bowl. I've sometimes felt the need to protect my toothbrush after learning this!)

I read the bath comment as a complaint amongst a long list of otherwise justified annoyances. Alone, it might not have been noteworthy but coupled with the other issues it’s definitely justified.

I had a lodger that ran an online second hand clothing business and would wash and dry each item individually, as she purchased them. Drove me absolutely mad. She would also leave the light on in the hallway and her bedroom ALL day everyday. I would walk home from work and see the house illuminated from a distance and curse (I left before her but arrived home before her too) She was from quite a well off background and I think the irony that I’d got a lodger to help with the costs rather than dramatically increase them was lost on her.

I decided lodgers weren’t for me!!

Well done, Amy, for giving her notice. Total sympathy here. Some people are very machiavellian and have no qualms in identifying just how much they can get away with when taking advantage of other people. Confrontation can be difficult at the best of times, especially under the circumstances you mention. I bet this overstepping of boundaries is nothing new and she has 'previous' in this behaviour. It would be tough to live with if it was a friend staying - so for a lodger with whom you have no personal connection to take over your home in this manner is quite shocking. But you've done it now. And you are certainly not being unreasonable.

Wow. That sounds awful OP. Your home should be your haven. Next time you have a lodger have some clear ground rules like no clutter in communal areas & how many shelves in the fridge etc. Some people take the mick, sadly. Well done on deciding she has to go.

I think you have absolutely done the right thing and actually been very generous.

When this has settled you may want to take some time to reflect on how you got here and how accommodating you have been to your detriment. To prevent a similar thing happening in the future you need to look at your boundaries.

i did set original ground rules. CSIblonde, they have slowly been ignored

don't worry, DorisDaisyMay, I'm never having a lodger again. Would rather be homeless

Amy/OP you've done the right thing and I congratulate you. Soon you will be free of this rude, entitled, selfish person with very worrying tendencies and can enjoy your house in peace again.

You’re having a stressful time and your lodger took advantage of that to take over your dining room, your fridge and your house. Not content with that, she stole a bottle of champagne that had sentimental value to you because she thought you were so busy and stressed that you wouldn’t notice.

What kind of person does that?

I think 4 wks is too long. I wouldn’t trust the @#& as far as I could throw her. I would mention the thefts and give her an incentive that if she leaves in 7/10 days you’ll forget it.

I feel for you.

Lodgers have absolutely MINIMAL rights. Basically, you'd be on a sticky wicket if you chucked her stuff out, but that's about it.

I lodged briefly (6 months) with a friend. We got on great, no problems, except we were both on the bones of our arse & it was incredibly difficult to for me to claim HB as we were assumed to be a couple.

But then he decided to move his boyfriend in, & booted me because frankly the bf was in a position to help with bills etc so he didn't need me renting his spare room & wanted it for guests. Also, his bf was not very keen on me - again, not entirely unreasonably as landlord had dated my brother for a bit!

Fair enough - I had to sofa surf for a bit which sucked, but he was nice enough about storing my belongings until I found a flat share.

We did fall out a bit about the cat (she stayed with him in the end, which was the best outcome).

He'd have been quite within his rights to turf me with a month's notice at most, though. It's absolutely not like a flat share. You're a paying guest & that's about it. I was a nice, considerate lodger & actually we are still mates, 25 years on, but he was completely within his rights to ask me to move on.

OP, you need to kick this CF sharpish.