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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lodger thinks house is hers

519 replies

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 12:15

I have a lodger who has slowly, over time, has made the house hers and I feel like the lodger now. Small changes made, which I put down to, she has to also live here as well, so I accept at the time and say nothing, but when I look at how things are now, I realise I was wrong and my house has been completely taken over in 5 months. I spend time away regularly, and changes always happen when I am not there, now, I have vertually no space in the fridge and freezer, maybe enough for 2 things if I squeeze them in. The front hallways has a massive show rack of 20 shoes. The bathroom is cawash with her products left everywhere, and when i tidy up, the next day, they are put back to where they were before. The dining room has been taken over, it is now an arts and crafts room, with units, table full of a hundred items, bottles everywhere, it is completely unuasable now and is her spare room. She does about 5 or 6 loads of washing a week, so is always 2 clothes racks full and drying all over the kitchen and front room. Now she has put expensive fan heaters in 2 rooms without asking me and I pay all ther bills, and at night, the noise from her bedroom fan heater keeps me awake, it is like a swarm of bees humming. And she takes baths twice a week, using 36 ltrs of water instead of a shower , using just 6ltrs. A few weeks ago, I noticed my bottle of champagne, which she knew about, I'd been saving for 20 years and is 25 years old and worth hundreds of pounds, it was opened and put away with a glass left. When I confronted her she said she knew nothing about it, and just hoped I would quesion myself over it, but I certainly didn't open it after saving it for 20 years. I looked in the black bags in the outside bin and I found the top cage to the champagne and the cover paper, so it was opened in the last week. And my kitchen chef knives are slowly dissapearing, have lost 2 already. When I go away for weekend to look after my sick mother, I dont want to go home. I say to people, I dont have a home anymore. I have even stayed out in the cold in the city to stop going home. I spend most of my time depressed and sometimes crying, and working out how to tell her to leave.

OP posts:
PaperTowels · 27/11/2020 14:46

Well done! And don't forget to book that locksmith Wink

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/11/2020 14:46

@LoveandHateWhatABeautifulComb

Yeah I doubt the champagne was drinkable at all, and certainly not worth money.
That will be why she only had one glass.
LucyRivers167 · 27/11/2020 14:49

It is your house and she needs to leave. You owe her nothing aside from giving her the usual notice period.

Be strong and you can soon have your own home back x

BruceAndNosh · 27/11/2020 14:50

If she thinks you're unreasonable for giving her notice to leave by Christmas Day, suggest that you make it 2 weeks notice instead.
And every complaint shortens the notice period by another day...

Gobbycop · 27/11/2020 14:51

Tell her to fuck off.

Easily sorted.

Whywonttheyhelpme · 27/11/2020 14:52

Well done @Amy3030.

Keep an eye on your stuff and be strong. Hopefully the CF will clear off quick and without to much hassle.

Ps. Get the locksmith in as soon as she’s gone!

HedgehogintheFog · 27/11/2020 14:52

I started off reading you're OP thinking my advice would be along the lines of "This will be tricky to rectify, as it will be as if you are suddenly changing the rules. She's allowed to have baths and do washing..."

But no, this is ridiculous. She has taken over a communal space, that you now can't use and, more to the point, she is stealing from you. Four weeks notice is extremely generous in the circumstances - stealing alone must be breach of contract and there is presumably something about 'reasonable' use of utilities (re: the fan heaters) too. Lodgers have no legal right to any notice period. Give her four weeks notice and get her gone!

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 14:52

yes the champagne may have been undrinkable, I was just saving it for 25 year special occasion. I would've liked to have found out for myself.

OP posts:
Ineedsleepido · 27/11/2020 14:53

Stay strong and think how amazing it will be to have your home back.

lalafafa · 27/11/2020 14:54

fuming for you, biggest CF of 2020 if there was an award.

olympicsrock · 27/11/2020 14:55

If she is difficult tell her that she will have to leave straight away if things become intolerable . You are doing her a favour allowing a notice period.

festivebug · 27/11/2020 14:55

It doesn't matter. It was yours and she had absolutely no right to touch it.

ODFOx · 27/11/2020 15:02

Make sure the notice is in writing OP and check weekly on how the house hunt is going. In the interim get the dining room cleared so you can eat a Christmas dinner off it. Tell her if she can go sooner you will refund any unused rent.
Get all the locks changed and check the house for anything else missing before you return her deposit. Cheeky 'mare!

Gwenhwyfar · 27/11/2020 15:06

A load of washing every day is over the top for one person unless there's some special reason like she has been issued only one uniform that gets dirty.

However, while I agree that regular baths are not a good use of water, I don't think it's fair to decide how many baths someone can have unless it was pre-agreed. Two baths a week is not unreasonable.

I usually disagree with the general MN idea that lodgers should stay in their rooms, not have guests, etc. but I obviously don't think it's right that she's taken over your dining table. Toiletries in the bathroom are fine imo.

As for the fan heaters - I'm a tenant with all bills included and I don't intend to ask my LL's permission to put an extra heater in if I'm cold. Some people feel the cold more than others.

flaviaritt · 27/11/2020 15:08

I do think lodgers get a very unfair treatment here. “They use the bath! They poo in my toilet! They open the front door with a key!

Er, yes, they live there.

But this lodger is taking the piss.

MrsMarrio · 27/11/2020 15:11

@Amy3030

yes the champagne may have been undrinkable, I was just saving it for 25 year special occasion. I would've liked to have found out for myself.
@Amy3030 yeah she was a twat for doing that goes without saying. Save whiskey next time, will taste how it's supposed to.
Eckhart · 27/11/2020 15:12

That was my first thought when I read the title, flaviaritt:

It is her house, she lives there.

(Hadn't read about the disrespectful behaviour of the lodger at that point)

needsahouseboy · 27/11/2020 15:12

You don't need a locksmith. You can buy a new barrel online and change it yourself. It is really very simple to do.

MissTermeanor · 27/11/2020 15:12

@Amy3030

thanks for all your messages. I have given her 4 weeks notice.
Does it need to be that long op? That's going to be a helluva long month! What kind of contract/license did you give her? I think the law allows you to give a lot less notice than that for such behaviour.
Gwenhwyfar · 27/11/2020 15:17

@flaviaritt

I do think lodgers get a very unfair treatment here. “They use the bath! They poo in my toilet! They open the front door with a key!

Er, yes, they live there.

But this lodger is taking the piss.

OP did complain about the lodger taking a bath though.
FatCatThinCat · 27/11/2020 15:19

Well done for giving her notice. If she starts playing silly buggers tell her to go immediately.

Crankley · 27/11/2020 15:20

She thinks you're being unreasonable? I would respond 'you ain't seen nothing yet.' Tell her you want her crap removed from your dining room by the end of tomorrow. If it isn't moved, you will be putting it in black sacks and in the bin on Sunday. How much notice have you given her?

BorderlineHappy · 27/11/2020 15:22

I think 4 weeks is being to generous,that brings you up to Christmas.You won't get her out.

I'd give her 2 weeks,then you can have a peaceful Christmas.

MzHz · 27/11/2020 15:23

Remember love, you don’t need to give as much as 4 weeks notice

If she says anything more to you, remind her of this and tell her that if she doesn’t stop telling you what you can and can’t do, she’ll be told to go in 24 hours

You are not a bad person, she knows you’re a soft hearted person and that is why she’s taking the piss so royally.

You have rights love.

Amy3030 · 27/11/2020 15:24

when lodger moved in, she agreed to showers to keep the bills down, then next day, was running a bath and has done so for 5 months. I am so sorry to Gwenhwyfar for mentioning baths and complaining

OP posts: