Did your poor sleeper turn out normal?

[EnidMatilda]

So stressed. My daughter is 10 months old and has always been a highly strung sleeper, particularly at night. We worked hard on routine and settling and for a while she slept well (would still have 1 night feed at about 4am/5am but I can handle that). Last week she caught at cold and she slept on me for three nights and fed all night as she was so sad and unwell. She has since recovered but it's like we are back to square 1.

Tonight she woke at 11.30pm. After TWO HOURS of hysterical screaming, I gave in and fed her. She is now asleep. What worries me is she can't seem to calm herself down. I can't even explain how angry and upset she gets. I was there with her the whole time either rubbing her back, singing to her, rocking her. Nothing would soothe her. She stopped crying for 10mins when we read a story so I knew she wasn't in pain or ill. I obvs don't want to overstimulate her but leaving her to it is also awful. She rejected dummy from young age. I've also tried giving her water from her cup but that doesn't calm her.

I feel like this behaviour is so different from other babies we know. Is two hours of screaming when obviously tired normal? Is there something wrong with her? Weirdly for naps in the day she will settle herself in the cot and drift off to sleep.

Yanbu - not normal behaviour
Yabu - normal. Don't panic.

Help and advice desperate wanted. Would love any solidarity. Sick of hearing about sleeping babies.

Sounds completely normal to me, the leap around 10 months is horrendous. Add teething and sleep regressions in to the mix too.

It will pass. There’s no magic cure. We were still on 3-4 night feeds then, still are most of the time at 15 months.

I honestly don't know how any of you coped with two hours of hysterical screaming. I'd have brought her downstairs with me and her dad, sat her on our laps or in between us, in front of the telly if it was on, and carried on as normal. She'd have maybe had a drink, a nappy change, then snuggled up and gone off to sleep eventually. She must have been distressed to cry so much.

Your daughter is only a baby and can't express how she feels very well yet but one thing is obvious, she wasn't happy being in bed and alone. Later on she will settle down earlier. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to little kids.

Nope, my youngest has gone the opposite way, could not wake him when he was a baby, but now at 9 years old he struggles to sleep!

It’s horrendous but for some babies it’s normal. I can confirm my primary schooler now sleeps all night every night no matter what. So you will reach the other side, the only question is when it will shift.

Hang in there. It’s awful most people don’t understand. But you can do it.

Yes it's normal. DS1 was a nightmare sleeper as a baby. By the time he was two he'd sleep through anything.

Go with your instincts, she's still very little. If you think she needs to come downstairs and be with you for a while, do just that. Anything for a peaceful life.

Yes, DD slept through for the first time when she was 2. Up until then I co-slept and fed every 4 hours roughly.

I just went with the flow, less stress for both of us.

Sounds very normal and very familiar (brings me out in a cold sweat to remember the endless sleepiness nights!). Mine are all perfectly normal sleepers as children in spite of feeling like they were utterly abnormal compared to other babies/toddlers.

Hang in there. It's bloody hard but it's not forever.

Yes DD was an awful sleeper, started having the odd night sleeping through at about 18 months then by 2 she was going through pretty much every night and still does at 3.5. We actually never thought it would happen .

Hang in there, it is so hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel!

It's a long old road....ds1 was terrible up to the age of three but then suddenly just started sleeping through. aged 7 he slept through two sonic booms that woke up all of the north of England

I am currently re-settling ds2 who just turned four and has amazed me by only waking up at 2.50am, a record for him.

It is, frankly, a bit shit but they're babies, they need you, is my thinking. Hang in there.

@whatwherewhywhenhow

It’s horrendous but for some babies it’s normal. I can confirm my primary schooler now sleeps all night every night no matter what. So you will reach the other side, the only question is when it will shift.

Hang in there. It’s awful most people don’t understand. But you can do it.

This

My 8yo has been a flawless sleeper for years and years now. The first 1.5 years were stomach churningly awful.

Sending you love, its the worst.

"Yabu - normal. Don't panic"

It feels like it will never end but it does get better, and yes, both of mine were abysmal sleepers and have grown up to be totally awesome, high achieving and easy going young adults. (Nothing like the highly demanding, absolute banshees they both were as babies!)

My DD was horrendous until around 2,
I thought she would kill me off. She really struggled to get to sleep and would also get really angry if I tried any attempt at getting her to sleep other than feeding. Now bedtime is a dream and she sleeps just fine (although the stubborn, feisty streak is definitely still there). It just clicked with her.

Solidarity over here. My 7mo has never even only woken up once in the night. He can manage maybe a 3 hour stretch but that's not often! He wakes up hungry usually. If he doesn't calm down with his dummy or cuddles, I'll always feed him and he drains the bottle so clearly hungry. I wouldn't not feed them at this age, they're still so tiny.

I think some babies are just poor sleepers unfortunately. I'd like to say it'll get better but I've resigned myself to it may not. Then when it does, I'll be pleased lol. Good luck, hope she improves for you soon.

Yep sounds normal to me too. 3 year old DS was a rubbish sleeper and sleeps fine now.

DD is 1 and not great either but I have faith it will improve eventually..

Two terrible sleepers here, I breastfed and for the second until I moved onto the bottle at night I didn't realise how much they were drinking at night!

Anyway got much better around toddler time, and has been for a few years. They still occasionally come to our bed in the night

Very easy to toilet train though!

Yes! Until the age of nearly 2, DD used to wake between 1-5 times a night, and fight naps. It rapidly reduced around 18 months then stopped and she started sleeping solidly all night every night for about 11 hours.

Yes just feed her or do whatever you need to get her to sleep, its very tough. All my babies magically started to improve after 12 months

Completely normal, honest. Yes it does get better, usually once they become much more mobile.
I’ve had multiple kids, only one of them slept through before a year - she’s been an amazing sleeper but it was a real shock for me after all my others waking frequently.
It’s great that your baby can go down well for her naps, there will be progression it just takes time. At present, I have a 20 month old who sleeps through brilliantly but wakes for the day at 4.30am. I can’t leave her to cry at all as she’d wake the others which isn’t fair re school/nursery etc.
Focus on good bedtime routines and the rest will happen eventually.
Oh, and similar to another poster, my bad sleepers have been great at toilet-training!

My DD was a terrible sleeper, very similar to how you describe. She was the same with naps too. It didn't start to get better until she started school soon after her 4th birthday. She's 9 now and although she doesn't scream hysterically she still regularly wakes in the night from bad dreams, hates being on her own and makes a fuss about needing night lights, music and the door open exactly the right amount. It's very very draining.

Neither of mine slept until they were 2. They were both fine after that.

My son was an awful sleeper. Woke 4/5 times a night every night for years. He started sleeping through the night at 4.5 years old and now sleeps every night through. I genuinely thought we would NEVER get there but of course, he did

Yup completely normal. DD would do that if she was over tired and we'd have to drive her around in the car to sleep. She's only just starting to sleep through the night regularly now at age 4 1/2 (I'd say 4 nights out of 7 now! 🥳)
She's otherwise completely healthy and very bright

My second was an awful sleeper. She now says that she "didn't like being a baby." She co slept till age 4 (on me, just me. Not beside me, on me. )

Refused naps from 13 months. Broke the sleep consultant. Failed sleep school. Broke me and her father. We had her assessed for sensory processing issues, everything we could think of. I just gave in thinking half sleep is better than no sleep. Eventually it got better when she was just over 4.

Our GP used to tell me that clever babies need less sleep. I repeated it to myself like a mantra. I was definitely a crazy lady.

I just remember that time as a haze. Sleep walking through my life feeling so tired I wanted to vomit .

Do whatever works to get you and your family through and ignore the purple who have never been through this. They mean well but cannot understand.

Now I have to wake her for school. She still stays up very late and hates going to bed.

Normal... And yeah just get her up and read a book or something if she's decided to scream. Sometimes that kind of reset works. With all of mine i cracked down on night feeds once they were 12months but doing it earlier a good idea - however you may need a patient dad willing to put in some hard yards.

My interest is piqued now as my bad sleepers also became easy toilet trainers! And lovely toddlers in general once they decided to sleep.

You'll get your life back op.

There is no rhyme nor reason to it in my experience and i've given up thinking anything is more than just an interim phase.

Ds now 10

• slept through the night from ten weeks old
• at 3 we had terrible trouble for about 6 months keeping him in his bed
• between 7 and 9 would cry most nights at bedtime
• now puts himself to sleep and is fine

Dd now 8

• slept through from 4 months
• generally good until about a year ago and now have to sit in her room with her until she falls asleep

Dd now 6

• did not sleep through until 3.5 years old
• generally ok since but you do have to stay with her until she falls asleep

I DREAM of having kids who just go to bed!!!