Did your poor sleeper turn out normal?

[EnidMatilda]

So stressed. My daughter is 10 months old and has always been a highly strung sleeper, particularly at night. We worked hard on routine and settling and for a while she slept well (would still have 1 night feed at about 4am/5am but I can handle that). Last week she caught at cold and she slept on me for three nights and fed all night as she was so sad and unwell. She has since recovered but it's like we are back to square 1.

Tonight she woke at 11.30pm. After TWO HOURS of hysterical screaming, I gave in and fed her. She is now asleep. What worries me is she can't seem to calm herself down. I can't even explain how angry and upset she gets. I was there with her the whole time either rubbing her back, singing to her, rocking her. Nothing would soothe her. She stopped crying for 10mins when we read a story so I knew she wasn't in pain or ill. I obvs don't want to overstimulate her but leaving her to it is also awful. She rejected dummy from young age. I've also tried giving her water from her cup but that doesn't calm her.

I feel like this behaviour is so different from other babies we know. Is two hours of screaming when obviously tired normal? Is there something wrong with her? Weirdly for naps in the day she will settle herself in the cot and drift off to sleep.

Yanbu - not normal behaviour
Yabu - normal. Don't panic.

Help and advice desperate wanted. Would love any solidarity. Sick of hearing about sleeping babies.

Also meant to say everything goes out the window when they're unwell so just go with that. If the perfect sleepers you're hearing about catch colds, they'll also be up at night even if their parents don't talk about it.

I have had two who were shocking sleeper as babies.

DD is now 6 and still a shocking sleeper but has various additional needs.

DS is now 4. He now sleeps 12 hours and a 90 minute nap. Turns out his babydom sleep issues were due to a health issue, poor thing couldn't sleep flat.

It really could go either way

We had something similar with our little boy. The only remedy was a bath! My mum suggested it, I would never have thought to put him in the bath, but it worked! The instant he touched the water he calmed down.

We co-slept from around 8 months as his sleep was so bad I couldn't function at work. He is almost 3 now, still has an occasional bad night, but mostly only wakes once, I tell him to lie back down and he's back asleep in minutes. It does get easier!

Honestly that's not even a poor sleeper, thats pretty normal!

That doesn't make it easy for you when dealing with sleep deprivation obviously, but you don't have any cause to worry long term from what you've described (which is pretty average - 1 feed a night but a big set back or apparent regression when poorly and for a while afterwards).

I had one like yours (average) one really good sleeper and one who took 4 hours to fall asleep in the evenings unless I let him sleep on mecall night (his preference) and woke every 45 minutes to an hour until he was 2.5. Only the third was still waking in the night at school age, but he has strategies now (simple things - he puts a very familiar, unexciting, young for him story CD on quietly or reads for a bit with a soft bedside light on if he wakes) now. He's turned out to have some sensory issues which are also clear from his daytime behaviour (needs lots of bear hugs, loves to climb and jump off things, presses much too hard when he writes to the point his arm hurts) which he's getting occupational therapy to help him work around. He's still "normal" though as far as anyone is, and a completely lovely, sweet, funny, bright little boy

Is she pulling at an ear? My DS2 was awful for ear infections at that age (had 3 in the space of 2 months). The Dr just said that a night of waking and screaming is a sure sign of an ear infection (we called after the 2nd night) but to be honest DS2 was such a bad sleeper anyway we'd just gotten on with it.

DS was awful. I survived on 4-6 hrs sleep a night initial he was 4 years old. Lovely caring lad getting good results now as a teenagers.

Can I ask whether you offered bf?

Dd2 was a nightmare, fed 3-4 times a night until I weaned at 18 months, carried on sleeping with us (we put her to bed in her toddler bed but she trotted in) until age 7. Night terrors etc. But she's a well adjusted adult now

@Ritasueandbobtoo9

DS was awful. I survived on 4-6 hrs sleep a night initial he was 4 years old. Lovely caring lad getting good results now as a teenagers.

I'm hoping for this... 6 years in and sleep is still a mirage most of the time.

I would have fed her when she woke up and didn't settle quickly. She's very little still, you can't spoil her!

Mine were not bad sleepers in my opinion but they certainly were by Gina Ford standards! I coslept and fed to sleep and through the night until they were 16mo and 12mo; fed to sleep in their own beds from that point until about 2-2.5. They're now 5 & 4 and are amazing sleepers.

I've been blessed with 2 poor sleepers although my Dd was by far the worst. She woke every hour for the 1st 6 months. Later found out she had silent reflux. She didn't sleep through til she was 4. My Ds was better but he still wakes at least once a night and he's 4.5. Both were ebf and I lost count of the amount of times I was told to stop. I do wonder if I unconsciously stopped them being able to self settle though as they always fell asleep with me while feeding. They still need me to fall asleep now at 7 and 4. Lack of sleep is a killer, I feel for you. It's all you think about, tiredness magnifies every little niggle until you realise you've contemplated divorce because your husband forgot to buy bread (true story 😳) Best of luck, it'll get better. Eventually.

My 10 year old started sleeping through at 4. It was hell on earth but it ended and we slept and then I felt human again. It will happen. Be it in a few weeks/months/years. It probably won’t be as long as we had to endure it. He was and exception!

DC3 woke up between 5 and at worst 9 times a night until a week before his third birthday. And when he was under a year, it was like every hour on the hour. He nailed me to the cross. It's funny, I was saying to DC1 the other day that if it seems I sometimes 'favour' DC3, it's because I didn't get to know him until we both slept. I was a labotomised zombie the first 3 years of his life. It was quite a physical trauma, to be honest. I can't lie. But when we both got sleep, it was like the dawning of our relationship! This love story unfolded! He talked more. He was happier. I was happier. My brain function improved and I could actually take in those glorious moments with him instead of waiting for sleep.
A week before his third, he went to bed at 7:30 and slept through until morning. That miracle still continues. He's 6 1/2 years old now and in year 2. He is sharp as a tack! And his mind is insatiably curious. He loves to chat about all sorts. I still look at him, sound asleep, whenever I check on him around 8:30pm and think, "This is miraculous! I never thought he'd be my dream sleeper!" But he is!
Two of my 3 were terrible sleepers. They're both incredibly smart. This is not a boast, I swear. I am very average. But I have noticed that my two non-sleepers are insatiably curious and love learning. They are insanely sharp. Just an observation. I think their brains are always scavenging the landscape for knowledge and information.

No she hasn't and she's 8, still can't self settle or sleep through the night. Sorry this isn't what you wanted to hear

10 months was HORRENDOUS. Truly the darkest hour. She turned a corner at 11 months and went down to one night waking...until canines set us back and we were back to shenanigans. But at 17 months she slept through, unprompted, no night weaning or sleep training. She’s 19 months now and some nights sleeps through, some nights doesn’t, and only occasionally has a nightmare night. At 10 months I just fed on demand and coslept all night long, to minimise screaming and maximise rest for me, if not actual sleep, and the time passed in a kind of exhausted blur. This too shall pass, OP!

I saw a post by Sarah Ockwell-Smith the other day which said 30% of children aren’t yet sleeping for six hour stretches at 12 months, and 45% aren’t sleeping for eight hours. Our expectations are totally messed up. My boy didn’t sleep for a six hour stretch until he was two. He’s almost three now and most nights will sleep from 7pm to 6am, sometimes wakes briefly in the night but is right back to sleep if so. Don’t fight her on it, if she wakes just feed her - why cause you and her the stress of not?

I would have fed her when she woke up and didn't settle quickly. She's very little still, you can't spoil her!

Yes me too. It's fine to do whatever it takes to get the most sleep possible. She obviously needed the milk for food or comfort and it's absolutely fine to give it to her.

It’s really good advice not to fight it. That’s when it was most stressful for us. It was still stressful when we weren’t fighting it (e.g. he was in our bed but still not sleeping) but it was much easier than trying to implement training/routines which just weren’t suited to him.

Sounds very similar to DS. He would do the waking up just before midnight and screaming for hours thing too. He started to sleep through when he was 3 but would still wake up very early at about 5am until he was about 8ish. Unlike PPs, he also struggled with toilet training. He is 12 now and has to be dragged out of bed for school.
All children are different so it's impossible to say when it will get better. It will feel absolutely horrible now and seem like it will never end but it will eventually.

Mine is 7 now and although she doesn't need as much sleep as most 7 year olds she mostly sleeps like a log through the night. It improved when I accepted I would never have a child who went to bed at 7pm and put her to bed when actually tired (yours is a bit small for this advice yet). I do still have to keep her body throughout the day and make sure she gets a good amount of exercise.

Bless you. I completely get it. My ds didn't sleep properly until he was 2. All the well meaning advice didn't seem to make any sense with us.

He is normal but now aged 9 we are having him assessed for Asperger's. Apparently it can affect sleep. He is a wonderful child though. Very loving and funny and has friends..all normal. He's just a bit different to most with some things.

But... your baby may well have nothing different. If they do you'll work it out.

and yes at 10 months I'd have just have fed them dd woke in the night for milk til well past 1. I picked my battles and the middle of the night wasn't the time for one. If milk meant more sleep for all then milk it was. Not worth trying to tough out imo especially for 2 hours. They won't do it forever.

My youngest was my worst sleeper. Woke hourly for 12 months when I couldn't take it anymore and night weaned him. Then he would wake every few hours. He was 18 months when he moved into a bed and was still terrible. He would come into our bed until he was over 3. Now he's 6 and sleeps well, has done since he was about 4.

sounds stressful.

If a feed settles her (not sure I read that right) then I would feed her. She is only 10 months old. My DD was a terrible sleeper and would only sleep in my bed and feed frequently at night. But she has ASD so all a bit different but I found going with the flow and her needs was easier than trying to impose my sleep schedule onto her (I tried but figured it's a battle which I couldn't win so gave up).

My DD2 was a horrendous sleeper. Didn't sleep day or night until she was 2.5. She is now 9 and a great sleeper. First to go asleep and doesn't wake up. I know it seems that it will never end but it does.