Did your poor sleeper turn out normal?

[EnidMatilda]

So stressed. My daughter is 10 months old and has always been a highly strung sleeper, particularly at night. We worked hard on routine and settling and for a while she slept well (would still have 1 night feed at about 4am/5am but I can handle that). Last week she caught at cold and she slept on me for three nights and fed all night as she was so sad and unwell. She has since recovered but it's like we are back to square 1.

Tonight she woke at 11.30pm. After TWO HOURS of hysterical screaming, I gave in and fed her. She is now asleep. What worries me is she can't seem to calm herself down. I can't even explain how angry and upset she gets. I was there with her the whole time either rubbing her back, singing to her, rocking her. Nothing would soothe her. She stopped crying for 10mins when we read a story so I knew she wasn't in pain or ill. I obvs don't want to overstimulate her but leaving her to it is also awful. She rejected dummy from young age. I've also tried giving her water from her cup but that doesn't calm her.

I feel like this behaviour is so different from other babies we know. Is two hours of screaming when obviously tired normal? Is there something wrong with her? Weirdly for naps in the day she will settle herself in the cot and drift off to sleep.

Yanbu - not normal behaviour
Yabu - normal. Don't panic.

Help and advice desperate wanted. Would love any solidarity. Sick of hearing about sleeping babies.

I didn't even register the word 'normal' which isn't great because I don't use normal/not normal for the reasons pp refers to above.

My dd never slept through until she started school. She is now a happy, healthy, clever teenager

Yes, mine was utterly horrendous - to the extent that it was one of the major reasons I only have one child as I couldn't have coped with another poor sleeper, it would have broken me. There is a reason that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture, it's highly effective.

He's now 17 and would sleep the clock around given half a chance. I promise it will get better

Let's cut the OP some slack on the use of 'normal'.

Poor choice of word but c'mon, she's searching for reassurance on the internet at 2am, give her a break.

@FastMovingLuxuryGoods

Let's cut the OP some slack on the use of 'normal'.

Poor choice of word but c'mon, she's searching for reassurance on the internet at 2am, give her a break.

Don't think anyone has been too harsh actually and word usage never changes if people don't point it out at all.

Mine is 3 now and has been gradually getting better for about a year. Her dad doesn't need a lot of sleep do I think she's just wired the same as him!

Me and younger DD love our beds 😂

My DS was an AWFUL sleeper. He woke 5 times every night screaming for no reason. We were exhausted and at the end of our tether. Physically/medically he was absolutely fine. We tried sitting outside his room whilst he screamed, that would work for a couple of nights then start again. I even recorded his screaming and played it to the GP in desperation at one point so they could hear it! My parents also had him for the weekend to give us a break. DS didn’t disappoint and screamed his head off until my DF took him into his bed with him and let him sleep there and then of course he was a good as good! I honestly think the screaming was a way of communicating in the only way he knew how and he just wanted company. He stopped just before he was 2.

He was diagnosed with a speech delay later, so maybe that explained it?

Fast forward 10 years and he is a very loving, cuddly boy who’s a total home bod, who’s often found asleep in our bed when we come up. ‘Demanding’ company in the night seems to fit with his personality!

Yes, absolutely.

* Don't think anyone has been too harsh actually and word usage never changes if people don't point it out at all.*

^This. My DD1 (11) has SEN because of a head injury as a baby when in foster care (we adopted her at age 1) as well as adoption related attachment issues. She really struggles with being different, needing both glasses and hearing aids. It’s important to speak out on describing children as normal/not normal.

I don’t think, though, that the OP meant anything negative by using the word ‘normal’.

Totally normal. My eldest didn’t sleep through until he was 4. At 18 months I honestly thought I’d been sent to hell as a punishment.

He’s 18 now and it took me 20 minutes this morning to actually rouse him to go to school.

He hasn’t woken at night since he was 4 but it was a long 4 years.

Leave the OP alone, early hours, no sleep trying to get help! The majority of people are just trying to do their best! I really sympathise, as went through it with my child until she started school. The random odd broken nights sleep just doesn’t compare to night after night with no reprieve

@BefuddledPerson well she was told to 'get to fuck' but fine if that's how we're talking to stressed and exhausted mothers these days.

Just do what you need to get though it, DS1 didn't sleep though until he was 3 and now he'd sleep though an earthquake.

[quote FastMovingLuxuryGoods]@BefuddledPerson well she was told to 'get to fuck' but fine if that's how we're talking to stressed and exhausted mothers these days.[/quote]
The op got my support on the issue, but I think the word normal in relation to child development/behaviour questions is offensive/upsetting to parents of children who get badged 'not normal'.

The parent who responded may also be stressed and exhausted. I know I am!!

I could in no way have sleep trained my two, they just don't ramp down. They get more and more upset and in DS2's case if he ever stops crying he's then wide awake making fire engine noises and bouncing on our heads.

Too early to say if DS2 is "normal". DS1 has ADHD if that's what you mean Even once he was sleeping through it took me about 3 more years to actually teach him how to relax enough to fall asleep in the first place.

Sorry for 'normal/abnormal' offensive language. Totally accept that isn't right. I meant neurotypical or physically healthy and well when older.

Thanks so much for responses. Some made me cry. I'm a mid 30s, career successful and normally have my shit together and it's really taken me by surprise how hard I've found sleep issues. I think some of you have hit the nail on the head when you say we are bombarded with ideals about how your baby should be sleeping and it just makes me feel like a complete failure when she isn't like anything the books describe. It is helpfully reassuring to know it gets better. Rationally, in the day and when I'm rested, I can totally tell myself: she's a baby, of course she can't emotionally regulate, she will sleep when she's ready; but in the middle of the night or when I'm exhausted I feel panicky and like I need to 'fix' it.

From 0-6 months she woke up every 45min -1.5 hours. Occasionally we got 3 hour stretches as a max and it was just so tough. We did a bit of sleep training which helped a lot. Huge sympathies to those who have also been through/ going through the same. I think that's why this week has thrown me because I just can't go back there. I'm back to work next month.

To those who said just feed her, I obviously wish I had now. It did send her off to sleep last night and thank god she slept until 7.30am after that but it doesn't always work. Sometimes rocking works, sometimes feeding, sometimes a little reset and back to stories works. But often nothing works and she will just not be calmed.

Gahh, who knew motherhood was this hard (totally didn't believe the stories )

Thanks for your words of solidarity. Can't wait for my super clever, easy to toilet train daughter to appear.

I meant to say, what also worried me was a health visitor developmental questionnaire that I got through the post recently. One of the milestones was 'can baby calm herself down e.g. by sucking her hands/ dummy' and she can't but it made me think, oh I didn't realise that she was meant to be able to at this age.

OP my eldest was an absolutely horrendous sleeper - I remember googling in all seriousness 'can you die from sleep deprivation?' . He's 13 now and sleeps A LOT

On the other hand my second baby slept through and settled herself from literally day one (one night feed for first few weeks). I found it so weird after the experience with her brother. I didn't do anything different with her they were just different. Incidentally she's 10 now and didn't fall asleep until almost 1am last night because she 'was thinking too much'

You'll get there

I had one of those OP. And she's now 5 and sleeps soundly all night, every night, in her own room. 10 months is still so young, people would tell me 'oh they should be sleeping through at 6 months'...that's not true! Took us a while and a lot of co sleeping to get there, but we did. Do what you need to do and please know there is light at the end of this awful tunnel! 3yr old DS is another story but let's not go there

She's 10 months, not 10 years.

I think your expectations are off and in sorry to say I think it's pretty cruel leaving her to scream hysterically for 2 hours.

And my twins used to wake 3 hourly. We night weaned a few months after their first birthday and they slept through 12-13 hours and still do.

Babies wake. It doesn't make her a poor sleeper or abnormal.

"After TWO HOURS of hysterical screaming, I gave in and fed her. She is now asleep. What worries me is she can't seem to calm herself down."

Why did you wait two hours to feed her? Surely, when a baby cries, one goes through ones list... Are they in pain? Are they too cold / hot / otherwise uncomfortable? Are they hungry? Are they tired? Are they in need of a cuddle? And so on.

If you're expecting a 10 month old to be able to calm themselves down, perhaps look a bit more into child develpment. Your post makes me a bit angry actually. Comfort your child, feed your child. Jesus.

I suggest you feed her first every time, I know some will disagree, but Im always up for a bit of food,

She might have needed one especially even more so after a cold, she might still have a sore throat and crying for 2 hours before a drink would have made it 100 times worse for her.

I did wonder if this was real tbh?

As a baby ds never napped and was an horrendous sleeper. We were seen several times by a paediatrician at the hospital. The verdict was reflux but nothing helped until he was about 3. But even now he’s 7 he has bouts of waking in the night (up to 15 times) then gets up at the crack of dawn. Sometimes he sleeps perfectly for weeks on end, then we go back to terrible. We’ve had dr’s, sleep consultants, you name it. We work his routine as consistently as possible. But it’s just how it is. He’s going through not sleeping now. It’s crap.