Actually disgusted with myself

[Jumpingjosephene21]

I'm so disgusted with how fat I've let myself get during lockdown. I drink too much, I'm sat at a desk all day and I eat crap. I've always struggled with my weight but before lockdown I would walk, exercise and eat OKish. Now I just seem to have lost all self control and routine. And it shows. I've put on at least two stone in lockdown. My face is bloated and my belly is massive.

I don't know why I'm posting. I just need a kick up the arse to change my habits. I'm stuck in a big rut. Can anyone help? On an average day I eat a lot of bread and carbs. I snack on junk like crisps and biscuits and I drink maybe 3-4 nights a week which is also empty calories.

OP, I'm no help because I'm the same but holy fuck, be kind to yourself.

You wouldn't say those things to a stranger so why would you say them to you.

I think a lot of us are in the same boat. So don’t beat yourself up.

Just now.. as there is a wee bit of light at the end of the tunnel.. start pulling back a bit. It took you the guts of a year to get where you are, it may take the same amount of time to get back to where you were... but go eat in yourself. This year has been an absolute ball breaker x

Another one in the same boat.

Trying to think about how I’ll feel when I inevitably have to see friends and family around Xmas (in a limited way....depending on rules/tiers/blah blah) and exercise more and eat less, but I’m not doing well at cutting down on booze.

Every day is a new day and a chance to make good choices. But your value is not determined by your weight!

I'm just dismayed at my lack of willpower. I start each week with big ideas about eating better and getting out to exercise but by Monday evening I'm back to eating rubbish again. I can't seem to stop myself.

I feel horrible in myself. But I've just got into really unhealthy habits that I can't seem to break :(

The quickest thing would be to stop drinking if you can.

I feel the same way about myself op. It's really crap. I have put on at least a stone and a half under lockdown and I was overweight before. Very few pairs of my trousers fit. I hate the way I look and feel utterly disgusted with myself. I feel so stupid too given the link between Covid-19 and obesity.

Would you like to buddy up (in a non-pressured supportive way) to try and lose a bit of weight before Christmas? Maybe post on here when we are finding it hard going?

Come join us on the Lose It thread. LOSE IT! November 2020 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weightlosss_chat/4064696-LOSE-IT-November-2020

I did the same as you in Lockdown 1.0, ate crisps, chocolate and pastries constantly. I started at the beginning of August and have lost 41lb. Started at 16st 9 and I'm currently 13st 10 with another 3 - 4 stone to lose.

Start small, just for 1 week log everything you eat and drink into My Fitness Pal. That will help you to see where your calories are coming from and how many you should be eating to lose weight.

For me, I cut down my carbs, they're high calorie and I end up feeling really hungry very quickly after eating things like pasta and potatoes. My dropping those down I'm able to eat more food in volume so I feel full which makes it easier to stick to the diet. I have lots of green veg and mushrooms, roughly 2/3 of my plate then meat/eggs and a small portion of carbs if I fancy it.

Forget the past. It cannot be undone. Don't waste time criticising yourself.

Get up tomorrow morning and have eggs for breakfast. Drink a litre of water throughout the morning. By lunchtime, you will feel so much better and you will believe in yourself.

Don't ban any food. Instead of thinking that you need to deprive yourself, try adding things to your day. Add one serving of veg and one piece of fruit to start with. Add a 20 minute walk to your day.
Day by day, the new additions to your diet will keep you fuller and reduce the need for the stuff that's not that great.

You need to change some habits but start small. I recommend Feel Better in Five by Dr Chatterjee. Just makes sense!

Can you not stop buying drink and junk food in the first place?

What has helped in the past? Low carb? 16:8 is manageable and worth investigating. Be kind to yourself. Lockdown and sitting at a desk all day with no commute has really knackered my body

Can you just cut down to eating carbs only one meal a day? That would make a massive difference. And go cold turkey from processed sugar if you can as that will be messing with your insulin levels and you won't lose any weight if that is happening.

Reading the Happiness Trap at the moment and it literally explains how if you call yourself names like this, you create a vicious cycle of misery. You will feel shit, might try dieting or whatever, but inevitably remember your weight, eat because it brings you comfort, gain weight. Don’t talk to yourself like that.

Some great advice on here, OP - especially the part about being kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself also involves believing that you are worth looking after....it sounds as though you’ve got some of those bad eating habits bound up with a bit of “I’m not good enough” feelings, maybe, so self sabotage then proves it? In any event, it’s been a shitty year all round, so the main thing is what you do next, not what you’ve done until now. The diet boards are brilliant, whichever approach you take: I got amazing support on the 5:2 threads last year which were so encouraging, especially on the inevitable bad days. And @FatGirlShrinking - wow!!! Go you!!

I definitely need to change but I think small changes are the way forward. Anything too dynamic just fails. Booze and food have become my only pleasures in lockdown. Life has changed so immeasurably. I just hate what it's done to my body and with Christmas coming up I feel like it's not realistically going to improve until the New Year.

@Intothesheepfold I'll def keep posting here for support if you're up for it.

You're not alone, so many of us have slipped into habits. There have been days where everything I have eaten has been beige!!!

I have recently had to give up yeast and drastically cut down on sugar and lactose because of an infection in my gut. So I haven't eaten bread and other beige foods for the last month and have to say this has made a huge difference. I think bread makes me crave sugary foods and alcohol, one carb leads to another! So I have done the following:

• swapped bread for rye bread
• dark chocolate instead of milk
• almond milk instead of cows
• wholewheat pasta and rice
• ditched any type of sandwich lunch
• made a few lunches in advance so I can grab them during the day when I am working
• protein and veg / salad with every meal
• got a 2 litre bottle which I fill with water and make my way through everyday
• make a cup of tea instead of opening the wine, the temptation soon passes
• have something from Deliciously Ella or Nakd as a treat after dinner in the evening instead of wine

It's not perfect and I still crave the odd twix and will have it but I'm trying to think more assertively as to whether I want it or if I am just bored?!

Exercise is tricky, I think it's best to go out early for a run / walk / cycle and then it's done. Today I sat in gym wear ALL day but never quite had the time.

Good luck!!

Be kind to yourself.
Stock up on healthy snacks/easy food prepare your food for work.
If I don't have healthy snacks I eat lots of bread and crap.

No help sorry just wanted you to know you're not alone feeling this way. Not saying it's for you but I spent a few hours last night on the low carb bootcamp thread and have today gone shopping to buy ingredients for the 100s of recipes from there.
Stopping the wine will be very difficult for me but I am determined to stick to it for a t least 2 weeks with the aim of then introducing more exercise. Good luck op

@Jumpingjosephene21

One thing that's made a huge difference to me is to have a few really good, really flavourful but super quick food choices that I always have the ingredients for.

I happen to love beef jerky so I keep several packets in the cupboard for snacks if I need something.

Green beans with a tsp olive oil, finely chopped garlic, a little salt and black pepper, spread on a baking tray, 20 mins at gas 6. They go slightly caramelised and sweet. I generally do this as an alternative to oven chips or wedges. You can do the same with tenderstem broccoli.

Boiled egg with asparagus spears for dipping

Fried egg, mushrooms, tinned tomatoes and wafer thin ham flash fried as a full English substitute

Spicy omelette - red onion, finely chopped peppers, fresh chillies or hot sauce with a couple of medium sized eggs.

Warm salad, this is a really quick lunch. Cooks in 3 minutes in the microwave. Mix of any of these - mushrooms, green beans, babycorn, asparagus, sugar snap peas, mange tout. In a bowl/jug with a dribble of water, cover in cling film and blitz for 3 minutes. Then add 1 tsp real butter, salt, pepper and 3 slices of wafer thin chicken or ham cut into strips. Give it all a good stir to melt the butter. Comes in under 200 calories but feels rich because of the butter.

Google figure 8 fitness. It's life-changing, I swear!

Try to be kinder to yourself; food is the best drug out there, cheap, legal, and readily available whilst still sober enough to perform the daily drudge, and this year has been no picnic. Is it any wonder we turn to it when down.
Disgusted is such a strong word; you don't deserve that. I opened this thread thinking you'd done something awful!
Treat yourself with compassion and healthy foods may follow- your body is your most precious asset, you only get one. Eating healthily over your lifetime is like buying the correct fuel for your Porsche - you wouldn't put chip pan oil in it would you! But that's the vicious cycle; you have to be kind to you and love your body to treat it well x

There's some great advice on this thread, OP. Mostly, please try to be a bit kinder to yourself. Lockdown is hard, and loads of us are struggling with it. You've got into the habit of telling yourself all sorts of negative messages, so try to cut back on that for starters.

Then try setting yourself some really small, manageable targets. Tomorrow you'll have a healthy breakfast and two big glasses of water. That's it. No matter what you do the rest of the day, you've succeeded. After a couple of days of that, maybe start with the healthy breakfast, water, and see how long you can go without snacking. If you can manage it for an hour the first day, try an hour and a half the next day, two hours the day after, and then get to lunch. Add some extra veg to each meal. Build it slowly and give yourself lots of pats on the back for managing every small step on the way to healthier eating.

You're very welcome to join us on this thread full of people who know what it is to overeat and feel crap about ourselves. It's one of the friendliest and most supportive threads I've ever been on. Or check out the weight loss topic and find another thread that suits you. You don't have to do this on your own. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/3977780-any-fatties-want-to-join-me-getting-slim?msgid=102024312

I have been getting fatter for about 5 years so didn’t find lockdown particularly made it worse. But stared weightwatchers about 2 months ago and the counting helped. Also that you get extra pints when you exercise. It’s helped give me the motivation where vague eating healthier thoughts were not working. (And this is)

Ha I meant you get extra points when you exercise. But you can translate those points to pints :-)