Actually disgusted with myself

[Jumpingjosephene21]

I'm so disgusted with how fat I've let myself get during lockdown. I drink too much, I'm sat at a desk all day and I eat crap. I've always struggled with my weight but before lockdown I would walk, exercise and eat OKish. Now I just seem to have lost all self control and routine. And it shows. I've put on at least two stone in lockdown. My face is bloated and my belly is massive.

I don't know why I'm posting. I just need a kick up the arse to change my habits. I'm stuck in a big rut. Can anyone help? On an average day I eat a lot of bread and carbs. I snack on junk like crisps and biscuits and I drink maybe 3-4 nights a week which is also empty calories.

[Labobo]

@Albuswulfricbriandumbledore - have you tried the trick of making a long list of small non-food treats and consciously rewarding yourself with those instead? A magazine, a half hour comedy over a cup of tea, a bubble bath, new nail polish etc. I find if you actively redefine certain things as treats then they work as rewards after a tough day but guilt free.
When I had to commute I used to do Candy Crush on the way home instead of picking up a bar of chocolate if I was stressed or tired. I never felt guilty for playing mindless games because relaxing the mind was better than stuffing my face!

[morningtoncrescent62]

I've just been for a 3k walk with the dog and feel lots better for it! Now eggs for breakfast.

Great news! Well done @Jumpingjosephene21 on making such a good start.

[Bookworming]

I've just been for a 3k walk with the dog and feel lots better for it! Now eggs for breakfast.

You absolute bloody superstar! ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

[supportivemyarse]

you are not alone. please be kind to yourself.

the ideas (is that the right word) in the link I've attached worked for me, even though I wasn't particularly a binger, I just didn't eat healthily and reached for the snacks when bored or stressed so it crept on. I read the points in the link several times over a couple of weeks (not the comments which are a bit barking) and without thinking much more about it my eating changed. most of the excess weight is now gone. I struggled for years with my weight because it was a 'thing', a weight-loss battle with myself that everyone knew I was fighting. in the end it wasn't a battle, or difficult, because it wasn't anything.

I do think 'willpower' over food is a con, dreamed up by the diet industry. no junk food, no fad diet or subscriptions, 3 healthy meals a day with an eye on portion control. most importantly no self-flagellation. if it helps anyone iI thought it was worth a share.

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/loseit/comments/ak1h2y/howiiquitbingeeeatingaaguideforrthose_who/

[Albuswulfricbriandumbledore]

I'm the same I totally lost the plot. So I started couch to 5k. I do it first thing before work. I tell myself it's only half an hour then when I'm doing it I tell myself it's only for however many minutes I have to run for, gets me through. The food is harder because I truly love to eat. So I don't say oh I'm going to be good this week because that's too big a chunk of time. So I just tell myself I'll have a good breakfast. Then I choose a good lunch because I've been good already. Then dinner is easier because I've been good all day. If I've got treats in I just eat them all so I don't get them or I buy ones I don't like. I tend to reward behaviour with food so I have to remind myself that I don't need treats because I'm not a dog. My god it's hard.

[nevermorelenore]

12 years ago, I lost 12 stone, and remained at that weight for a very long time.

Holy crap, that is amazing! You certainly aren't back at square one. If you did it before, you know you've got that willpower inside you to do it again.

Don't worry about what people think. Everyone will be worrying about their own lockdown gains rather than caring about others.

[Ikeepbuyinganimals]

I am having this exact meltdown. Particularly for the last 2 weeks I have really upped my eating alongside doing bugger all. I feel disgusting. I've always been big but this is a new level. I know I have the power to solve it but zero discipline/willpower. I want to tell you (and me)to be kind to yourself but what I will actually say is you're not alone. Try and squidge in a few more walks, a bit more exercise, but otherwise just do what you gotta do to get to the other side of these dark days.

[Bluntness100]

Now is a GREAT time to start. Even if we do enjoy some lovely Christmas treats and feasts

Agree, if Xmas was in two days, then fair enough, but it’s a month away!

[LoveMyKidsAndCats]

Same here OP! I'm trying to keep a bottle of water with me and if I feel the urge to go the fridge I'll have a drink. But I still go to the fridge I just wee alot now too.

[RainingBatsAndFrogs]

@Jumpingjosephene21

I've just been for a 3k walk with the dog and feel lots better for it! Now eggs for breakfast.

Thanks guys I will do this. Definitely going to cut the booze out. That's my main problem. And bread is going too. This week I've had wraps, bagels, sandwiches, toast, thick bread and butter. It's not good.

Great start OP!

Be pleased with yourself and enjoy your achievements. .Good luck.

[RainingBatsAndFrogs]

@Bluntness100

And you are right, it's probably more realistic to start after Christmas

I mean this gently but she’s not right. It’s a month till Xmas. There is no excuse to wait another five or six weeks to start. That’s just a delaying tactic...💐

Also, having started my new eating habits (and it took less than a month, so the OP has plenty of time) whilst I am not going to have a miserable Christmas and deprive myself of the lovely food on offer, neither will I gorge on things for the sake of it - I don't actually like Quality Street, so, unlike previous years, I won't eat it.

Because I don't want to pile weight back on unnecessarily. Also I am a bit fitter (again, it took less than a month) and now enjoy a brisk walk, so will keep that up over Christmas.

Now is a GREAT time to start. Even if we do enjoy some lovely Christmas treats and feasts.

[Bluntness100]

And you are right, it's probably more realistic to start after Christmas

I mean this gently but she’s not right. It’s a month till Xmas. There is no excuse to wait another five or six weeks to start. That’s just a delaying tactic...💐

[DingbatsWin]

I've been in leggings or track pants since about March it feels like

I tried on a work skirt yesterday as it was looking like I was going to need to go into the office and my arse doesn't even fit into it

[foresttheout]

You're definitely one of many in this boat. I ate chocolate for lunch despite supposedly dieting and then a friend sent me some pictures from a recent walk we took and I saw myself and realised how hideous I looked. I have never photographed well but my face is so swollen in the pictures and my jaw line is non existant. But as pp. are saying beating ourselves up isn't going to help. Instead we need to make small changes. I can't undo the chocolate for lunch but I can drink enough water to prevent myself over eating later in the day. Try doing a little bit of exercise, my eating has been awful lately but i've upped my exercise and despite being fatter than ever I am feeling healthier and it makes me feel better about myself to be able to think yes my legs might be chubby but they can run and my tummy might be flabby but it can still ace a plank etc.

[SingToTheSky]

At some point between lockdowns I was my lowest weight in years (still a long way to go to healthy weight though)

I’m now 10lb up from that. FFS.

[Intothesheepfold]

Jumpingjosephene2 Yes definitely up for it! And you are right, it's probably more realistic to start after Christmas but I am going to use this period between then and now to increase my activity levels, reduce drinking and sugar intake, drink more water, and get myself prepared and in to the right mindset for January (ie buy scales etc).

And thank you everyone for all the posts about being kind to oneself. I find I get in to such a disgusted "rut" and a negative mindset that I don't look up for air as it were. And it's obvious that such an outlook will not produce good results. So thank you for the reminder. Some great advice on here!

[caperplips]

Oh OP I think a lot of us are in the same boat!
I gained a lot of weight for me in the past 18mths and was finding it hard to get motivated to do anything about it despite hating what I saw in the mirror.

1st lockdown really didn't help as I really indulged myself - crisps / nuts / cake / wine / bread / chips etc etc etc

When we could finally mix again during the summer I felt a bit mortified as I could barely fit into my clothes and so I bought a few nice things in the sales in the next size up and told myself that no-one had noticed.

In October I saw myself in a photo I did not know was being taken (I was in the background) and honestly - it really really shocked me. I did not look like me. It was like someone had inflated me. I made up my mind on the spot that I couldn't continue like that any more.

That was early Oct and I just knuckled down. Cut out all crap and wine / alcohol. Cut WAY back on carbs (though not eliminated) and increased vegetables and fruit.

As of today I am 18lbs down and I have at least another stone / stone and a half to go till I'm happy again.

I knew seeing that photo in Oct that I did not want to re-emerge from this lockdown and face Christmas and seeing family / people if possible, even bigger.

I am also bribing myself with non edible treats. When I lost half a stone I bought 2 lovely new tops in my smaller size in the sales in Whistles. When I lost a stone I bought gorgeous leather boots and when I get to my goal weight I am buying a necklace I have been coveting. I am saving money as much as I can whilst losing weight and this is proving very satisfying. Though Christmas has put a fair dent in it now as I have thrown caution to the wind this year.

OP if I can do it, so can you! And you will feel so much better once you tackle it head on. Good luck!

[Pleaseaddcaffine]

Op honestly it's okay. This year's been rubbish. I've started couch to five k and now running again, although like a crab in treacle, but I'm doing it.
It won't help my weight much as I'm being rubbish but less so than I was but it's really helped my head.
Maybe a daily walk and then see how you go?

[Squirrelly1]

By nature I’m a comfort eater, eat when I’m stressed and bored usually craving sugar (and feel crap afterwards). The first lockdown was quite beneficial to me. WFH with no commute meant I had time to exercise, and develop some good habits. I get out for walks every day and have challenged myself to do a minimum of 10000 steps a day. By focusing on the exercise I’ve become less interested in junk food and lost about 13kg. I have to limit alcohol to the weekend only (that makes me eat), but have dropped the Friday night junk fest and limited it to Saturday only. It’s not all plain sailing, I have the odd relapse, but I’ve learnt not to beat myself up about it. Each day I focus on getting the steps in and then later sit down with a cup of tea and a KitKat! It’s a slow process but it’s working.

[greeneyedlulu]

@thenightsky I've just ordered it on Piping Rock as I thought I'd give it a go as my sleep pattern if awful at the moment so hopefully this helps x

[supercee]

Budge up on that boat (if I don't topple it over). Put on a stone and increasing. I'm only 5'3 and every pound shows.

I'm EXACTLY the same. Too many carbs and wine, not enough exercise. I go two whole weeks of being 'good', no wine, either have a bad day or think I deserve a treat for being good, and I'm back on the wine/takeaway wagon that I can't get off. I sometimes have a good dinner, drink a bottle of wine (I can't stop at one glass) and order a pizza! Makes me feel horrible and eats away at my money.

I live alone so no kids or partner to answer to or distract my time and thoughts so a bottle of wine, pizza at the end of the day is the ultimate comfort for me, sad as that sounds. I'd love to meet someone. Couple that with the fact that who I thought were close friends aren't at all. Food/alcohol is very easy to turn to.

Instead of absolutely doing strict low carb, IF etc like I usually do, I'm going to just do small steps into the new year. Try and just have an oat milk latte for breakfast, if I have carbs as my lunch then have less carbs and protein veg for dinner. Try and cut out wine and log calls on MFP not going over 1000. Try and get some exercise in even if it's just a walk.

Also listening to some self help audibles is helping too and gives me a reason to go out for that walk.

Be nice to yourself.

[HappyThursdays]

it is so hard, really hard. I walked so much on my commute and now it's gone. My working day just gets longer especially now the time has changed and I'm dealing with other time zones.

I need the discipline to force myself into exercise but I just don't have it. Snacks are easy and just like you, food and drink is the only thing I have to look forward to. No gym (which I loved), no going out and seeing people, dark evenings. It's just all too miserable.

can you start with cutting down snacks and booze? cutting down carbs might make you more miserable!

[Fluffycloudland77]

@thenightsky

Fluffycloudland77 I've just looked at your Melatonin suggestion with hope in my heart, but they don't ship to the UK because its banned here

They shipped it to me & I'm in the UK.

[LindaEllen]

I'm in exactly the same boat.
12 years ago, I lost 12 stone, and remained at that weight for a very long time.
I moved in with my partner 3 years ago, and gained a little - as most couples do when they're 'comfortable', I think! But I was very, very slim after I lost the weight, so gaining that weight wasn't the end of the world.
But since the start of this year, I've had no work to do (which normally kept me active), and I live in a horrible area for walks etc, so I've basically been sitting in the house. It's not like I've particularly been pigging out, but the unhealthy snacks have added up - and I'm now 4st over my 'target' weight of 12 years ago.
I feel disgusted at myself.
When I first lost the weight I went cold turkey on naughty snacks, and you do honestly lose the cravings for them - I was happy to have a piece of fruit instead, for example.
But now I'm right back to square one (albeit 8st lighter than the first time), and I don't know if I've got the courage to go through it again.
My weight loss was a big thing to everyone who knew me, they all supported me and were thrilled for me, and I'm dreading going back into social circles and them seeing me again. I am so scared.

[nevermorelenore]

Oh OP, I feel your pain. I just look in the mirror right now and think bleugh. I have zero self control. I haven't been drinking during lockdown, as I prefer it as a social thing, so my weight gain and bloat is literally all down to eating shit. I'm also one of those people who isn't hungry in the morning, or really at all during the day, and I don't eat much because I'm running around after others. So, once I sit down in the evening about 9PM, I just want to graze on crisps and sugar. It's awful. I know that I'm literally doing EVERYTHING wrong food-wise right now!

I've downloaded the WW app, so I might give that a try. I did have some success with them in the past as they forced me to think about what I put in my mouth and I did find myself cutting down on carbs and sugar. Also, I'm going to actually force myself to go for a half hour walk in the nice frosty air today, no matter how many work e-mails I have or how much laundry needs doing. I just want to feel like I'm a little bit in control of things.