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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about his kidd xmas day?

383 replies

MyWitzEnd · 25/11/2020 20:57

DH has two kids aged 21 and 18. This year they are coming to is supposedly for xmas. DH has just told me that his DD wants them to come on the 23rd and go home on the 25th. This would mean i would be in my own for nearly three hours xmas day as he does the round trip. I had bo choice other than to agree and now feel mean at feeling cross.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 26/11/2020 15:04

It’s 3 hrs. Ffs

Not all day

You met someone with kids. He wants to spend Xmas with them

Sounds bliss having 3hrs to chill watch tv eat Chocs drink gin

EmeraldShamrock · 26/11/2020 15:08

Agree with others 3 hours isn't that long.
Go for the drive if you don't want to be alone or ask his DD to leave Christmas eve.

PatriciaPerch · 26/11/2020 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/11/2020 15:09

To all the people telling OP to eat chocolate and drink gin, I hope you don’t mean at the same time. That’s gross. With gin you need savoury snacks.

dontdisturbmenow · 26/11/2020 15:10

Yes of course you could amuse yourself but it will spoil the day
Why though. It's 3 hours, not the the whole day.

I'll definitely spend at least 3 hours without my partner on Xmas day. For a start, calling my family members and wishing them a merry Xmas. Then to sort out my presents, maybe try the clothes I have been given, or read manuals of new devices and trying them on. I might have a nap or a bath.

I could totally understand if he was gone the whole day but how can 3h ruin the whole day?

Clymene · 26/11/2020 15:14

I'm assuming that, given the children are 18 and 23, they're being driven to their mum's house. I wonder whose decision it was to move 1.5 hours away from mum's house? And whether the mum is home alone on Xmas day unless the kids are there?

So many things the OP hasn't told us.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 26/11/2020 15:15

I’m not trolling, OP. I appreciate that you’re not happy about it, but I just see it differently, because it genuinely wouldn’t bother me to be left on my own for three hours in Christmas Day. In fact I’d love it!

I’m assuming you’ll have Boxing Day and Sunday with your DH. 💐

Fedupalways · 26/11/2020 15:17

3 hours? Come on OP. Hmm
As for PP it isn't about being a step parent. Most people are wondering why an adult doesn't want to spend 3 hours alone. Yes it's Christmas but it's 3 hours not the whole day!

This is such a non issue and you do sound like hard work.

You're not the only person to be alone this year everyone has pretty much been alone. Just go with them or take a nap!

SnuggyBuggy · 26/11/2020 15:20

The cool wives are on form here.

I wouldn't be impressed at being left for 3 hours on Christmas day and I think as adults they should know better than to expect their dad to give up 3 hours of his Christmas day to drive them. Besides what if he wants to enjoy a drink?

Nottherealslimshady · 26/11/2020 15:24

I'd love a 3hr break. Have a nap and a bath and get your comfy pjs on ready for DH coming back to crack open the wine with a film or a game.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 26/11/2020 15:28

I’m not being a cool wife, @SnuggyBuggy, I’d genuinely enjoy the time to myself.

Anti-social and wanting to indulge myself without anyone else around (wine, TV, long bath, etc.), yes, but definitely not cool.🤣

Im guessing the OP hasn’t been married for 20-plus years like me though, she wants her DH around more.🤣🤣

Dottyandbet · 26/11/2020 15:28

I totally understand why you’re feeling gutted about it. It’s not unreasonable to be disappointed and to want to spend the whole of Christmas Day with your husband. I’m sorry you’ve had so many negative comments. Is there a way around it? Could they head home on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day or could it be arranged for your husband to meet who ever they are going to meet half way so it’s only 1.5 hours and the driving is shared. It sounds like you’ve had a tough year and I hope you have a lovely day and can maybe find some compromise.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/11/2020 15:30

See I wouldn't mind the time to myself but unless the adult children were at work on boxing day morning or I'd be annoyed on behalf of DH. It's very demanding.

dontdisturbmenow · 26/11/2020 15:35

I wouldn't be impressed at being left for 3 hours on Christmas day and I think as adults they should know better than to expect their dad to give up 3 hours of his Christmas day to drive them
As a parent, I wouldn't mind it. 1 1/2 hours with my kids undivided attention and then 1 1/2h to listen to my music and sing undisturbed, I really wouldn't mind, so maybe he doesn't either.

2GinOrNot2Gin · 26/11/2020 15:37

My husband does a 3 hour round trip to collect/drop off his children every single Christmas Day and has since we've lived to together. What's the issue?

He wants to see his children on Christmas Day and assume they want to see their mum/friends/family too it isn't all about you? Every single person has sacrificed things this year, assuming this includes your husband and his children.

YABU

DuzzyFuck · 26/11/2020 15:40

Besides what if he wants to enjoy a drink?

Well the OP hasn't told us at what point in the day this 3 hours is. It could be from 7am-10am for all we know.

And it seems like the DH has already agreed to it anyway, which surely he wouldn't have if he considered having a drink more important than getting his children where they need/want to be? Hmm

As someone who has spent the majority of Christmas Day alone for the past few years I really don't see that 3 hours out of the day is a big deal. It's just a day in the end, same as any other.

ValidUser · 26/11/2020 15:41

I'd love to see the responses to one of the daughters on here asking if they were being unreasonable to want to be driven on a 3 hour round trip on Christmas Day by their father.

Newmumatlast · 26/11/2020 15:41

@Clymene

I'm assuming that, given the children are 18 and 23, they're being driven to their mum's house. I wonder whose decision it was to move 1.5 hours away from mum's house? And whether the mum is home alone on Xmas day unless the kids are there?

So many things the OP hasn't told us.

To be fair, you've kind of assumed there whose decision it was in saying "away from mum's house". The kids may well be going back to mums but it is actually possible that mum took the kids to live further away. Or even, given their ages, that they want to go back to spend time with their own partners. Who knows, I guess, is the point
LivingDeadGirlUK · 26/11/2020 15:46

I think its totally unreasonable for your DH's grown Children to expect him to ferry them around on Christmas day, he can't even have a drink till he is back, its incredibly selfish of them.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable for being annoyed at being left alone for 3 hours, but I do understand why you are annoyed as you can't relax knowing people need to be off somewhere else. Can you go in the car as well?

LivingDeadGirlUK · 26/11/2020 15:47

@ValidUser

I'd love to see the responses to one of the daughters on here asking if they were being unreasonable to want to be driven on a 3 hour round trip on Christmas Day by their father.
This with (jingle)bells on!
BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 26/11/2020 15:49

PatriciaPerch

Losing your sister so young must have been very difficult, you must miss her very much. With your own daughter turning the same age as your sister was when she died, along with this awful year, you’re bound to be emotional. I really hope that you’re coping ok, life is just very, very unfair sometimes.

I hope your car doesn’t cost too much. 😬

Clymene · 26/11/2020 15:50

@Newmumatlast - true. In my experience, it's usually dads who move away but obviously it could have been mum who moved.

ElizabethG81 · 26/11/2020 15:53

I'd love it, have a nap.

AryaStarkWolf · 26/11/2020 15:54

Bottle of wine and a Christmas movie? Wouldn't bother me tbh

LoveMyKidsAndCats · 26/11/2020 15:55

I don't think YABU I would be annoyed at that. I'd feel pushed out and like I'm not important. Your feelings matter too OP. They are adults why can't they make their own way home or their mum collect them half way (can only assume that is where they want to be on christmas). Have a long bath and read a book in that time OP. Or an xmas movie. It's just inconsiderate of them tbh.