AIBU about his kidd xmas day?

[MyWitzEnd]

DH has two kids aged 21 and 18. This year they are coming to is supposedly for xmas. DH has just told me that his DD wants them to come on the 23rd and go home on the 25th. This would mean i would be in my own for nearly three hours xmas day as he does the round trip. I had bo choice other than to agree and now feel mean at feeling cross.

I think this thread is just full of trolls OP or at least people who are deliberately missing the point to make sarcastic comments to you. Most people want to have a nice day on Xmas Day and that doesn’t involve acting as a taxi service.

It’s perfectly reasonable to want to spend the whole day with your husband, it’s not that OP can’t bloody cope for a few hours by herself but instead just that she wants a day that’s not interrupted by him having to do a 3 hour car trip. It’s not the end of the world, no, but when you just want to relax together, it’s a bit crap.
I certainly wouldn’t want to be driving for hours on Xmas Day and neither would my partner. We like to relax, eat lots, drink lots and not have to think about the time.

As usual with Mumsnet, once a few posters take a certain ‘side’, others pile on. There’s a couple of usernames I recognise on here that people seem to go along with. It’s like the school playground on here sometimes. Perfectly reasonable to be a bit fed up that the day is going to be a bit broken up and interrupted OP.

I would tell them to either go home on the 24th or 26th, they are not children and shouldn't dictate to him what to do
In which instance would likely mean they'd go back on Xmas Eve which mean missing out of the big day.

They most want to spend the day with both their parents. So did my kids, so I would do the travel albeit a bit shorter.

He can dictate the time though and agree on 9am or later in the day when OP can just take it easy.

I don't get the 'ull spend the whole day alone' when it's only 3 hours.

This sounds shit. OP, I have no idea why you're getting the responses you are. Surely if everybody wanted to spend Christmas on their own, lockdown wouldn't be a problem

Who wants to spend Christmas Day with that 'waiting room' feeling of having to head off before it gets too late and not being able to have a glass of wine with dinner?

I would like to know though, what time/point in proceedings do they want to leave? And where/what do they want to go to?

Because split families are hard, but I would have thought it would be better to head off early on Boxing Day - if they left at 8.30, they'd be there by 10 and DH would be back by 11.30. And a leisurely Boxing Day morning sounds much more appealing than a lonely Christmas Day evening with just the washing up.

Surely if everybody wanted to spend Christmas on their own, lockdown wouldn't be a problem

Ha ha.

Because someone disagrees with you - it doesn't mean you are being trolled. You are not coming across well in your updates.

If you really do not want to be alone - go in the car with him whilst he collect and drops his children. Play Christmas music, do a car quiz, play is spy.

So they want to see both their parents on Christmas Day. How fucking unreasonable of them

And both parents get to see their children on Christmas Day. Inconvenient for you but fair on both families

Except they're not really "children", they are more than capable of understanding that expecting to be driven for 3 hours on Christmas Day is excessive and they can see the other parent the next day. It isn't imperative they see both on the day and it is very demanding of everybody else's time.

YABU

it's not what you want, but children trump partner. You would prefer to be the most important person, it's human, but think about it another way: you have a very decent and caring partner who is still very much involved with his children. It's a good thing.

Be European and have a big celebration on Christmas Eve, then more on Christmas Day. You will be delighted of the break.

You cannot seriously write that you will be "alone" on Christmas Day because of a 3 hours break.

So they want to see both their parents on Christmas Day. How fucking unreasonable of them

I don’t think OP has said that’s what’s happening. But even if it is, she’s still allowed to feel a bit fed up that it messes up the day for her a bit. Yes, it’s part of being with a man with kids, but she can still feel a bit fed up.

Except maybe their dad doesn't have a problem with it? It doesn't sound like he does

Except maybe their dad doesn't have a problem with it? It doesn't sound like he does

Maybe not. But OP is her own person and is entitled to her own feelings.

@BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze

So they want to see both their parents on Christmas Day. How fucking unreasonable of them

I don’t think OP has said that’s what’s happening. But even if it is, she’s still allowed to feel a bit fed up that it messes up the day for her a bit. Yes, it’s part of being with a man with kids, but she can still feel a bit fed up.

Of course she's allowed to be a bit fed up. But cross? Not really. She's married a man with children.

Ah OP, try and make the best of it; you can watch what you want, eat what you want, relax amongst the inevitable Christmas mayhem.

it's not what you want, but children trump partner.

They are adult children now, it is not healthy for them to put them above his partner throughout their adult life.

Why are people saying the stepchildren shouldn't be allowed to dictate the day? Looks like their father is perfectly fine with it. OP can be unhappy about it, but it's not the stepchildren's problem really if their father is happy to drive them. Maybe that is the only way he'll get to see them on Christmas Day.

I haven't read all the comments but I totally get it OP. It's Christmas Day so why should you sit at home alone for 3 hrs, just because it suits their plans. Yes of course you could amuse yourself but it will spoil the day.
I'd have a word with DH and suggest wouldn't it be better if they went Xmas Eve.
You haven't elaborated on your actual plans for the day or what time they wanted to leave so difficult to judge if they are being totally unreasonable.

Except maybe their dad doesn't have a problem with it? It doesn't sound like he does

Lots of parents are willing to jump through hoops for their children but it doesn't mean that objectively they aren't being cheeky and expecting too much by asking him to drive for that chunk of time on Christmas Day when they could easily wait until the next day. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking that at that age.

And as others have said, he has a partner who is entitled to her own feelings about it. He should have considered her whilst making his decisions, if he doesn't have a problem with it he is being selfish.

Of course she's allowed to be a bit fed up. But cross? Not really. She's married a man with children.

Fed up/cross ...she’s just a bit annoyed I would think. Sometimes you just want to chill out. Yes, she’s married a man with children but they are now adults. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to think they sorted their transport out themselves if they wanted to travel on Xmas day or realised that people want to relax. It doesn’t sound like she’s moaning about the kids being there at all. I think it’s just not what she was expecting, was looking forward to a relaxing day after a crap year and is now a bit disappointed.

Why cant you go??

This place is crazy sometimes. As if OP wants to spend 3 hours on Christmas Day stuck in a car 🤣

So they want to see both their parents on Christmas Day. How fucking unreasonable of them

They are not bloody two, they are adults albeit young ones and they are being very selfish not thinking of the impact on their poor Dad's Christmas Day.

PatriciaPerch

I think pleasing everyone at Xmas is just an impossible task, it must be so stressful when parents are no longer together.

Sorry to hear about your sister. 💐
And also your car...not what anyone needs at this time of year and on top of covid. Hope you get it sorted.

For those of you who would love to be alone at xmas - I hope you never have to experience it

DH has never been at home for all of Christmas Day since we got married. Some years we don't see him at all. This year, he'll leave at 2pm and not get back till boxing day lunchtime.

It's okay to be sad or miffed or despondent but maybe give more info? Ask for advice? Explain what's happening and why. People just respond to the bare facts otherwise. Three hours out of twenty four? When are those three hours? How else might you structure your day? What would help. Have a conversation about it and people on here will probably be really helpful

I don't think YABU as I wouldn't like that either, as they are adults. I would ask them to stay Christmas Day night then your DH can take them home Boxing Day morning.