AIBU about his kidd xmas day?

[MyWitzEnd]

DH has two kids aged 21 and 18. This year they are coming to is supposedly for xmas. DH has just told me that his DD wants them to come on the 23rd and go home on the 25th. This would mean i would be in my own for nearly three hours xmas day as he does the round trip. I had bo choice other than to agree and now feel mean at feeling cross.

Wait, what? Why is being driven on Christmas Eve ridiculous? I’m not suggesting they should leave them, but why is that idea ‘worst’?! Loads of people travel on Christmas Eve!

Plenty of adults have to choose between parents or parents and in laws on Christmas Day.

Ultimately, it's between the father and his kids. If they are happy with the arrangements, why should some random posters on MN decide on how better they should organise themselves?

Their solution sounds like the most reasonable, and practical. It's a compromise, well, that's life.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be a bit miffed about this. Like others, the idea of three hours to do nothing on Christmas Day sounds like bliss to me, but that’s completely beside the point, isn’t it?

However, I do think you were a bit naive with this thread.

I always feel a bit sad for MNers who don’t quite understand how this place works.

A thread like this is never going to garner any sympathy for the OP. Which is all they’re after, really. They know they can’t do anything about a situation. They maybe even suspect they might just be a tiny be unreasonable. But that doesn’t stop them feeling upset about whatever’s going on.

They naively post on here, and I’m sure end up feeling infinitely worse than before they started the thread.

Honestly, OP? The tone has been set on this thread. People think you’re being massively unreasonable. You feel worse. Time to move on, I think.

Look on the brightside OP, keep this up and they won't want to come anywhere near you much longer.

It's 3 bloody hours ffs.

@upsidedownwavylegs

Wait, what? Why is being driven on Christmas Eve ridiculous? I’m not suggesting they should leave them, but why is that idea ‘worst’?! Loads of people travel on Christmas Eve!

because being expected to drive a 3 hour round trip after a Christmas Eve celebration IS ridiculous. If you HAVE to, of course you'll do it, but please don't pretend you enjoy your diner and evening in the same way when you know you have to drive for another 3 hours after...

maybe their own father would rather not be up at dawn and find it easier to drive mid-day and actually enjoy Christmas Eve then Christmas Diner?

most of us would...

This. In this house Christmas dinner would be eaten at 4pm and there wouldn’t be a problem.

It's not a normal day is it ,...it's Christmas Day ...I wouldn't like to have three hours in my own in this situation ....on a normal day ..weekend etc sure no worries !!!

The alternative of not seeing one at all, or worst, be driven on Christmas Eve would be ridiculous.

Given that OP says "this year" the kids are supposed to be with them for Xmas, it seems pretty reasonable to suppose that on other years they are not there.

And why on earth would driving on Christmas Eve would be more ridiculous than driving during Christmas lunch time?!

This thread is bonkers.

• maybe their own father would rather not be up at dawn and find it easier to drive mid-day and actually enjoy Christmas Eve then Christmas Diner?

most of us would...*

Most of us would choose to get up early for all that veg prep, drive for three hours then cook Christmas dinner? I wouldn’t, but we’re all different.

I am step parent to an adult DC who doesnt drive. It is not due to a lack of support - paid for theory, gave money towards lessons, even gave a car. They stalled (pardon the pun) and have paid for years to insure cars without having passed for various reasons. So it isnt always fair to suggest children who drive late is due to the parents.

I do get irked that this means more running around on our part - and I would feel exactly the same if my own DC I can assure you.

All that said, I wouldn't expect my partner to not see my SC on xmas day if the opportunity presented itself. Usually because of the distance we alternate but it is further than a 3hr round trip. If it was only 1.5 hrs each way - which some people commute to work, to be fair - I would support my husband in doing that. I would want to see my SC too.

I wouldn't feel sad about being left alone on xmas day because I would go in the car with them and play xmas songs and make hot chocolates for us for the journey, if I am honest.

I wouldn't agree (and yes I have a say as we make decisions together) to driving late in the day as it would interfere with dinner and xmas drinks. However midday is, I think, reasonable. You'll be back for about 330pm. If pre xmas dinner prep is done before the drive, it wont take long to finish for an early dinner. I would be happy to eat later than usual (if it is later for you) to accommodate that to be honest.

I would have the option of staying in the house on my own for 3 hours if I didnt want to do the drive and would probably use it sorting stuff out for dinner/evening plans and having a relaxing bath. I appreciate not everyone feels that is a good use of time but I would be cooking anyway if husband was there as I usually do (I enjoy it) so it doesnt actually make a massive amount of difference if he is milling around helping or not.

I’m seriously baffled as to how this guy is expected to make a Christmas dinner for 4pm when he’s going out at half 12 for three hours. He must be some cook.

or maybe they reasonably thought that it is a bit shit not to see your own dad on Christmas Day... and more importantly, maybe the dad is very happy about the arrangement? Have you asked him before judging? Of course not.

In my opinion, it is not as big a hardship for a young adult to spend Christmas Day surrounded by half of their loved ones, and Boxing Day surrounded by the other half, as it is for a dad to be called upon to drive for 3 hours or his spouse to be left alone (especially at what is usually the key time of the day), and I would expect an 18 year old, and certainly a 21 your old, to be considerate of that.

Of course the dad might be alright with it, presumably he is since he has agreed to it, but that doesn't mean that objectively I think it's a fair thing to ask, and he also should have considered OP when deciding if he was fine with it.

@upsidedownwavylegs

I’m seriously baffled as to how this guy is expected to make a Christmas dinner for 4pm when he’s going out at half 12 for three hours. He must be some cook.

I was assuming OP would cook it to fill the endless three hours.

Cool wives don't ask their husbands to cook

Is it even doable with the new rules if your UK? O mean that puts you in a three household bubble with his ex surely?

That aside, could you do the drive together? Or have cooked evening meal not lunch so you're not spending that time cooking him lunch? Assuming he's leaving about 12.30 and getting back 3.30 so I'd aim for a 7pm Christmas dinner!

Well that really fucks Christmas Day up for you doesn't it

So they want to arrive for dinner at 2pm, which means that they'll leave you by 12.30 and your DP won't be back until after 3.30.

When do you get to have your Christmas Dinner?

I was assuming OP would cook it to fill the endless three hours.

Do you know, I had a suspicion you might have been assuming that.

I love the irony of this thread, weve had weeks of people kicking off that they might not be able to see family for christmas and how awful it will be to have to be alone on christmas day, great excitement at being able to mix with 3 households so no one has to miss out on seeing family, but now OP is unreasonable for not wanting to be alone on christmas day

OP my step children are the same age and also live a similar distance away (would be a 4.5hr round journey) and would be told they could make their own way to their mums if they tried suggesting DP drive them home halfway through christmas day, im quite able to fill time by myself and do regularly but no way would i be doing it on christmas day to accomadate adults. Id suggest they stay at their mums until boxing day when your husband could pick them up.

I'm still not clear why OP has to be left alone and cannot go in the car? I'm also not clear why being alone for 3 hours is so problematic. I mean, some people are alone for the entire xmas period. It's not exactly that much of a hardship, is it?

Is the real crux of this thread not that it depends on your relationship with your SC as to your view point? I like mine - so I would want to see her, would see a 3 hr return trip to enable us to see her as reasonable, and would happily go in the car with her and my husband for the trip?

Most of us would choose to get up early for all that veg prep, drive for three hours then cook Christmas dinner? I wouldn’t, but we’re all different.
of all the times when I (or DH) DON'T spend the day or hours cooking, Christmas is definitively one of them! None of us want to waste Christmas day locked up in the kitchen!

Maybe my (extended) family is generally more flexible and welcoming, driving to pick up or drop off someone to make sure that we see them is just very normal. And if diner time changes, who cares. It's Christmas, it's supposed to be a happy day, not a regimented day of chores, upset and drama.

It sounds like the perfect solution to spend half Christmas with one parent, the other half with the other when they are still young.

Soon it will be sharing with in-laws added to the mess, can't people just chill and enjoy themselves instead of sulking?

You haven't answered the question about their mum @MyWitzEnd

Will she be on her own for Christmas if her children don't go? And who moved 1.5 hours away - your husband or their mum?

It's not exactly that much of a hardship, is it?

Only if you want it to be. But apparently being someone who’s prepared to compromise and find ways to make it work is a “cool wife”. Bet my old man’s pleased he’s got one!