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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about his kidd xmas day?

383 replies

MyWitzEnd · 25/11/2020 20:57

DH has two kids aged 21 and 18. This year they are coming to is supposedly for xmas. DH has just told me that his DD wants them to come on the 23rd and go home on the 25th. This would mean i would be in my own for nearly three hours xmas day as he does the round trip. I had bo choice other than to agree and now feel mean at feeling cross.

OP posts:
NoPainNoTartine · 26/11/2020 17:12

Leave Christmas to the kids and their family (meaning their dad), and reserve New Year's Eve and Day for your couple. It makes sense, and it would save so much unnecessary drama.

A father who prioritise his own kids on Christmas day, adults or not, sound like a good one to me.

TheFuckingDogs · 26/11/2020 17:15

I would not be happy about my dh having to play chauffeur for anyone on Christmas Day - not because I’m selfish but because it’s not fair on him. Half an hour drive to take nana home but seriously a 3 hour drive because of a young adults whim!
On the other hand I would be able to entertain myself for 3 hours while he was gone if he really has to go

andtheHossyourodeinon · 26/11/2020 17:17

I would not be happy about my dh having to play chauffeur for anyone on Christmas Day - not because I’m selfish but because it’s not fair on him

Isnt that up to him, rather than you, to decide what's fair on him? Is yours. or OP's, husband completely incapable of making their own decisions about their day, lives and children?

NoPainNoTartine · 26/11/2020 17:18

It's actually a good question

If it was YOUR own children, would you be happy for either you or your DH to drive a 3 hour round trip to pick them up or drop them off?
Most parents I know would happily do the drive to make sure they seem their kids.

Original poster
MyWitzEnd · 26/11/2020 17:26

[quote Blondeshavemorefun]@MyWitzEnd what time is Dh going.[/quote]
lunch time :-( that is what time they want, to arrive at their mum's for dinner at 2pm

OP posts:
MissSarahThane · 26/11/2020 17:27

OP wants it all her way, fuck the 3+ other people.

I wonder who will be shopping, preparing, cooking and serving the food, and clearing away and washing up, for the three other people?

Original poster
MyWitzEnd · 26/11/2020 17:28

@andtheHossyourodeinon

f Xmas is not just any other day and is important enough to the "dude" to want to spend some of it with his kids, then I'm sure you can understand why it might be important enough to his wife that she is not happy that she will be left alone for three hours of it. The idea is that it is supposed to be a day of celebration with people? If it's just a day and she is unreasonable to be upset about being left alone for a decent chunk of it, then it's just a day and it really doesn't matter whether he sees his kids on it or not. Right?

No,. not at all right. In the real world there are always accomodations, adaptations, you faciliate others. OP wants it all her way, fuck the 3+ other people. Well, tough, that's not how life works.

Really? all my way? fuck the other 3? You have made a lot of assumptions!
OP posts:
upsidedownwavylegs · 26/11/2020 17:28

Disappearing for three hours at lunchtime on Christmas Day when you’re married is not reasonable in my book OP but you need to him how you feel.

upsidedownwavylegs · 26/11/2020 17:29

*tell him

Original poster
MyWitzEnd · 26/11/2020 17:29

@NoPainNoTartine

It's actually a good question

If it was YOUR own children, would you be happy for either you or your DH to drive a 3 hour round trip to pick them up or drop them off?
Most parents I know would happily do the drive to make sure they seem their kids.

My adult kids would ask nicely, not demand with caveats! They all drove at that age anyway.
OP posts:
VinylDetective · 26/11/2020 17:30

So it is about wanting to see both parents on Christmas Day. Which is eminently reasonable. My bloke hasn’t seen his kids on Christmas Day for about 15 years, I’d have been very happy for him to spend three hours on the road for that to happen.

unmarkedbythat · 26/11/2020 17:34

No,. not at all right. In the real world there are always accomodations, adaptations, you faciliate others. OP wants it all her way, fuck the 3+ other people. Well, tough, that's not how life works.

We must be reading different OPs, I haven't seen anything to imply that she is taking that stance at all. Not wanting to be left alone over lunchtime on Xmas Day seems entirely reasonable to me. If anyone is insisting on having it all their own way and fuck the other people affected it rather sounds like her stepdaughters are.

upsidedownwavylegs · 26/11/2020 17:34

It is not ‘eminently reasonable’ for an adult to want to wake up on Christmas morning in one house and be at another one an hour and a half away in time for Christmas dinner at 2pm when they can’t get there under their own steam, and need someone else to leave their spouse alone for double that time at lunchtime, when said spouse isn’t happy about it.

SnuggyBuggy · 26/11/2020 17:34

You need to calmly discuss with your other half how this will affect the whole day. When are you planning Christmas Dinner for yourselves?

EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/11/2020 17:35

@MyWitzEnd, but your partners children don't drive. Young people who learn to drive at 17/18 are usually enabled to do so by their parents.

His children want to see both parents on Christmas day. I think given their ages your partner should help this to happen

upsidedownwavylegs · 26/11/2020 17:36

@unmarkedbythat

No,. not at all right. In the real world there are always accomodations, adaptations, you faciliate others. OP wants it all her way, fuck the 3+ other people. Well, tough, that's not how life works.

We must be reading different OPs, I haven't seen anything to imply that she is taking that stance at all. Not wanting to be left alone over lunchtime on Xmas Day seems entirely reasonable to me. If anyone is insisting on having it all their own way and fuck the other people affected it rather sounds like her stepdaughters are.

Reading the same OP with notably different literacy and comprehension levels, I’d have said.
upsidedownwavylegs · 26/11/2020 17:40

[quote EmmaGrundyForPM]@MyWitzEnd, but your partners children don't drive. Young people who learn to drive at 17/18 are usually enabled to do so by their parents.

His children want to see both parents on Christmas day. I think given their ages your partner should help this to happen[/quote]
If we accept this premise, why don’t they agree to leave their dad’s house at 5pm, and if their mother, or her partner if she has one, can drive, they could meet halfway?

VinylDetective · 26/11/2020 17:42

@upsidedownwavylegs

It is not ‘eminently reasonable’ for an adult to want to wake up on Christmas morning in one house and be at another one an hour and a half away in time for Christmas dinner at 2pm when they can’t get there under their own steam, and need someone else to leave their spouse alone for double that time at lunchtime, when said spouse isn’t happy about it.
So it’s eminently reasonable to leave one parent alone on Christmas Day so as not to inconvenience a new partner?
Hadalifeonce · 26/11/2020 17:44

I would suggest, if they have no other way of getting to their DM, they leave first thing in the morning, then your DP will be home for lunch.

Newmumatlast · 26/11/2020 17:45

[quote Clymene]@Newmumatlast - true. In my experience, it's usually dads who move away but obviously it could have been mum who moved.[/quote]
In our circumstances it was :)

upsidedownwavylegs · 26/11/2020 17:48

She might well not be alone at all, but yes, I think it’s absolutely reasonable that they pick a house to spend Christmas in and stay in it. Contrary to popular belief, new partners don’t actually have to be at the bottom of the pecking order all the time - if their father wanted them to be the only priority forever he was welcome to not choose to enjoy the benefits of marriage to OP.

NoPainNoTartine · 26/11/2020 17:49

@upsidedownwavylegs

It is not ‘eminently reasonable’ for an adult to want to wake up on Christmas morning in one house and be at another one an hour and a half away in time for Christmas dinner at 2pm when they can’t get there under their own steam, and need someone else to leave their spouse alone for double that time at lunchtime, when said spouse isn’t happy about it.
sounds perfectly reasonable Confused

Spend Christmas Eve with one, Christmas Day with the other.

The alternative of not seeing one at all, or worst, be driven on Christmas Eve would be ridiculous. Many parents actually see Christmas with their children as a positive!

upsidedownwavylegs · 26/11/2020 17:50

Well in that case they won’t mind at all leaving either first thing or later on as suggested Smile

ShowOfHands · 26/11/2020 17:51

Drip drip drip.

So we've gone from the children wanting to do something to demanding something. No timings to it affecting lunch.

What else op? Just get it all out here because otherwise you can see what happens. People schlep in with their own baggage and interpretations and accusations.

What is the full picture?

NoPainNoTartine · 26/11/2020 17:52

@upsidedownwavylegs

Well in that case they won’t mind at all leaving either first thing or later on as suggested Smile
maybe their own father would rather not be up at dawn and find it easier to drive mid-day and actually enjoy Christmas Eve then Christmas Diner?

most of us would...