Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that a mum told me off after I told her child to stop pushing at playgroup today

115 replies

GColdtimer · 19/10/2007 12:19

I will try to be brief. dd (18 months) was in the wendy house. Another girl (about 3) also playing. She took the tea set away from dd, there was rustle and tustle, DD tried to get it back and the other girl pushed her so she went flying. I didn't think her mum was around so I said to her "don't push, its not very nice". Her mum then asked me who I thought I was, she had been watching her daughter, it wasn't up to me to tell her not to do something, etc, etc. Not wanted to cause a scene(or at least more of one) I took DD away from the wendy house and left shortly after.

What I wanted to say is that why didn't she tell her child to stop pushing if she saw it all and really, she should stop being so precious.

Personally I think people are far too precious about this kind of stuff and that if dd was behaving badly, I would expect someone else to tell her if I was not there.

Should I not have said anything? Who is in the right and who is in the wrong here? My friends said I was in the right, but then they would wouldn't they....

OP posts:
Lulumama · 19/10/2007 12:21

i don' think there was anything wrong with what you did

pushing and shoving is a part of how toddlers play, but a gentle reprimand or being reminded that pushing isn;t nice is fine, IMO

i have done the same, and had other mums do so to my toddler.

unless you were up in the child's face shouting and being aggressive, i don;t think there is a problem.

Angeliz · 19/10/2007 12:21

YANBU, You were right.
It's not as if you shouted at her.

spookyspice · 19/10/2007 12:21

Poor you. I dread those situations. Would you have told her off if you'd known her mum was there?

I tend to wimp out with a loud "Play nicely children" kind of comment.

Original poster
GColdtimer · 19/10/2007 12:24

No I wouldn't have done to be honest spookyspice (great name btw). I really thought she couldn't have been there because her dd really was being quite boisterous with much younger children.

OP posts:
screaminghousewife · 19/10/2007 12:24

Of course YANBU, she's obviously too precious for words.
We had a woman like that in our toddler group and she had the cheek to tell other peoples dcs off, to top it all off.

StrawberryMartini · 19/10/2007 12:24

Being an ex-teacher, I've got no problems telling other people's children off. Last week I pulled a boy out of a little tykes car because he'd dragged my mindee out having rammed him in the car against a wall. I gave him a right talking to. However I always tone it down when the parents are in earshot.. especially if they look really chavvy and potentially violent.

niceglasses · 19/10/2007 12:26

I would have done the same. I don't wade in for every little thing, but I think pushing needs a firm word. She should have done it herself and was maybe embarrassed she didn't . Still, no excuse.

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 19/10/2007 12:28

"Last week I pulled a boy out of a little tykes car" Personally I think that's a step too far. A reprimand like the OPs is fine, physically pulling a child is not.

Angeliz · 19/10/2007 12:28

I was at a ball pool type place a few weeks ago (unaware some Schools were still off) and my 2 year old was in a wendt house. About 5 boys whpo looked about 9 climbed over the top of it and i told them to get off now.
One being a little smartarse said, 'you can't tell me what to do, you're not my Mum'. I said, 'no i'm HER Mum and if you go through that roof and hurt her then i CAN tell you what to do'.
I then got a member of staff and had the boys removed from the 0-3 area. If their Mums had come over i wouldn't have cared less, if you don't watch them yourself then someone else will!

bunnyhunny · 19/10/2007 12:30

I always tell other children off too - it's definitely the teacher in me. At a soft play thingy a few weeks ago, a load of 8 year olds were in the baby area. parents didnt care and other parents had asked them to leave to no avail.
I did the 'excuse me, I don't think you should be in here' etc etc teacher-speak and they buggered off. I have super powers!
I do have to bite my tongue sometimes though, as the urge to tell children off can be overwhelming, and I forget they aren't my resposibility out of work! lol.

Blu · 19/10/2007 12:31

Whatever you think of the behaviour, it is a bit scary for 3 year olds to be told off by a grown up they don't know.

I was a constant intervener in the sandpit at our local park...but always looked for a 'positive' way to say it like 'shall we try and share and play nicely' or 'let's be careful of the babies' rather than 'don't do that'!

Brangelina · 19/10/2007 12:31

I've had this happen to me, a mum gave me grief because I'd gently told her boisterous child off for hitting and knocking other children to the ground. I just told her if she had really been watching then she should have pulled her DS off herself. I was really angry at being told off by some stupid cow it must have showed in my face. She backed down whimpering and dragged her child away .

spookyspice · 19/10/2007 12:33

I'm like you Twofalls, I always have a quick look round first.

Neverenough · 19/10/2007 12:35

YANBU as long as it was gentle and polite and not intimidating to the 3yo. Unacceptable behaviour is just that and the lo ha sto learn that. Her mother should have intervened.

Lulumama · 19/10/2007 12:35

wouldn;t ever pull someone elses child out of a car or away from a toy...what if you hurt them by accident?

mynameisnic · 19/10/2007 12:36

I would be quite upset if somebody "told off" my 18 month old for for this kind of incident. I don't hold the attitude that this sort of thing is "bad" behavior in a child of that age, to me it is "normal" behaviour. They all do it and to reprimand or tell off isn't the line I would take so would be quite annoyed if another parent spoke like this to my child. Perhaps the mother didn't appreciate your tone?

kindersurprise · 19/10/2007 12:36

No, not at all unreasonable.

Sometimes you just do not notice what your DC is up to and someone else does. Why should you sit there and let your (much younger) child get battered so as not to hurt her poor little darlings feelings. Very precious parent.

StrawberryMartini · 19/10/2007 12:37

Hang on, I didn't drag him out by his ear!

Lulumama · 19/10/2007 12:39

no, but you did pull him ! i would be very displeased if another parent, however qualified in child care, pulled my child out a toy car ..

Neverenough · 19/10/2007 12:40

The child in question was 3, mynameisnic, and if you don't teach a child what is acceptable and what isn't how do they learn?

Neverenough · 19/10/2007 12:40

But if he was choking and I pulled him out to resuscitate him?....

Caroline1852 · 19/10/2007 12:41

Your answer is in your question
"I didn't think her mum was around so". What would you have done if you had been aware of the mother?

I hate it when children are not gentle with one another, but I would not tell a child off for it, especially not my own. As another poster said, I would suggest a preferred way to behave: shall we all have a cup of tea?

sagitta · 19/10/2007 12:41

A little girl, maybe 3 pushed over my dd, nearly 2, recently, and her mum immediately picked her up and hit her hard round the legs. It was horrible. Since then I've always hoped her mum hasn't seen what she's up to.

Original poster
GColdtimer · 19/10/2007 12:41

She was 3 mynameisnic, my dd is 18 months. I do think a 3 year should no better. And if fact I would tell my own 18 month off for pushing. IMO it is not good behaviour.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 19/10/2007 12:41

that is a totally different situation than pulling a child out of a car to give them ' a good talking to' !