Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset that a mum told me off after I told her child to stop pushing at playgroup today

115 replies

GColdtimer · 19/10/2007 12:19

I will try to be brief. dd (18 months) was in the wendy house. Another girl (about 3) also playing. She took the tea set away from dd, there was rustle and tustle, DD tried to get it back and the other girl pushed her so she went flying. I didn't think her mum was around so I said to her "don't push, its not very nice". Her mum then asked me who I thought I was, she had been watching her daughter, it wasn't up to me to tell her not to do something, etc, etc. Not wanted to cause a scene(or at least more of one) I took DD away from the wendy house and left shortly after.

What I wanted to say is that why didn't she tell her child to stop pushing if she saw it all and really, she should stop being so precious.

Personally I think people are far too precious about this kind of stuff and that if dd was behaving badly, I would expect someone else to tell her if I was not there.

Should I not have said anything? Who is in the right and who is in the wrong here? My friends said I was in the right, but then they would wouldn't they....

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 31/07/2008 21:25

It is a shame that people are inhibited from telling other children off, it would be better for society as a whole if they felt comfortable showing their disapproval. YANBU.
I don't see anything wrong in pointing out,politely, that certain behaviour is unacceptable and why. Unfortunately some parents will never admit that their DC is in the wrong.

Jacblue · 01/08/2008 09:15

I agree AbbeyA. If you put it down to your child learning and knowing who to avoid, when do you draw the line at what you'll let happen to your child before you say something?

There's one boy at a toddler group we go to who, as soon as you enter the room, will come up to your child and whack them over the head with a hard toy. The mum is never bothered. How does a child avoid that?!

Oblomov · 01/08/2008 09:37

Shame . You can't say anything these days, incase someone stabs you on the bus, over eating chips.
Can't say anything to another child who hurts your child.

I 'tell off'. If ds is pushed, I say " pushing is not acceptable". I don't care if other mums don't like it or not. They are my rules. And by saying them , very gently, very quietly, it re-inforces to ds( if no one else), that these are my rules.

poocrumbs · 01/08/2008 09:48

No, don't want to get in that situation, I just try to smooth itover or remove my own child.

CuckooClockWorkShy · 01/08/2008 10:00

Tbh, I never reprimand anybody else's child, even if they are feral savages.

lingle · 01/08/2008 19:58

You were right to tell off the child.

You probably could have used the positive language technique though ~("play nicely").

I told a 2-year old at my child's party to stop pushing others on the bouncy castle. He said; "~you're not my mum".

If children think only their own parent can tell them off that is a serious problem for society.

Jacblue · 01/08/2008 20:30

Cor blimey - a two year old!!! Definitely. They're gonna get a shock when they get to school if they've never experienced authority from anywhere else.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 01/08/2008 20:32

Urgh it's an old thread, folks.

Nothing to see here, move along now.

Jacblue · 01/08/2008 21:12

Ok, age old thread, but doesn't mean it's not still going on for other people. Why does it bother people to see an old thread opened up again?

AphroditeInHerNightie · 02/08/2008 08:17

It may be an old thread to some, but I've only just read it, and would like the opportunity to add my twopence, please.
The OP, as far as I'm concerned was definitely Not BU.

In my experience there is certainly a type of parent who treats these soft-play areas as some kind of baby-sitting service for their 'precious' little 'angels'. I'm sure you all know the kind - spends the entire session mulling over a cup of coffee with their mates, or even a book or newspaper, and doesn't once look up to check where their child is, and, nine times out of ten, it's the little brat knocking seven colours of shite out of some smaller child. Frankly, I have to wonder if it's some kind of cry for attention from the perpetrator.

I don't attest to my kids being perfect, and have to confess to having to intervene on countless occcasions when one of my children snatches from, or bashes another. Very occasionally I've missed the incident, but if a child who has been playing with mine suddenly starts crying or is whisked away by their carer, then I'll approach the 'victim' to ascertain what happened and insist my child apologises if necessary.

If the situation is reversed, I'll give it a few moments to allow the carer to register that a 'crime' has been comitted, and if there is no reaction, I will intervene with a gentle reprimand, spoken calmly and as kindly as I can. Young children who don't know any better will then just be avoided.
Persistent older offenders get a different treatment, usually a blood-curdling threat whispered in the ear (something like "if you do that again, i will make sure that you're never allowed in here again") and then if they go running to mummy I'll deal with them as appropriate. Never had to speak to the parents, though, so far, kids seem to get the message!

Overall, however, it's a sad indictment on society that we now seem to be divided into either people who are overly cautious or those who don't give a hoot about other's boundaries.

As, always, it's down to the parents.

ajm200 · 02/08/2008 08:33

I've been banned from a local playgroup after telling the organisers son off for punching my friends child in the face and causing a nose bleed..

All I said was, you shouldn't hit other children and asked him to apologize. I didn't even raise my voice and I didn't touch him.

She told me that my behaviour was unacceptable and I was no longer welcome at the group

lulumama · 02/08/2008 08:38

that is a matter for the police surely, punching a child in the face?

edam · 02/08/2008 08:54

Blimey ajm, unless there's more to it than that, the playgroup organiser should NOT be in charge of small children. Idiot (her, not you).

Parents who are so precious they believe no-one else is ever allowed to tell their children off are very irresponsible IMO. If you don't want anyone else to object to your child's behaviour, then it's down to you to supervise them very closely so YOU handle any misbehaviour. Otherwise, tough.

I don't know whether all the stories of teenagers who have no respect for teachers or adults or other people generally are the standard moral panic throughout the ages (as far back as the Romans people were complaining about 'the youth of today') BUT clearly there are some individuals who behave very badly. And you can see how it might be the result of doting or aggressive parents who think their child has a God-given right to do exactly as they please and sod everyone else.

I don't know, either, when all this inhibition and fear of telling other people's children off began. When I was a child (OK, some time ago!) other adults were more than happy to tell us off if we were being naughty. And quite right too.

pralinegirl · 02/08/2008 20:10

I'd much rather another mum said something, if I don't happen to notice. At our preschool party my DS got rather physical with some other children, I was busy as a commitee member cutting cakes, pouring drinks, etc and looking after their childrens' needs. This other mum sat and watched him saying nothing to him or me until she lost it and stomped up to me and demanded I sort him out!I immediately removed him from situation but if she had looked and had grace to realise I was a bit preoccupied she could have sorted it out herself or been a bit nicer in her approach to me, rather than just stewing - I know he's no angel but his nursery is boy-dominated and he doesn't yet distinguish between what's ok with old friends and not with new.

HumphreyPillow · 02/08/2008 20:19

This thread is a blast from the past.
I still agree with myself, fwiw.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page