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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird - work colleague had baby but not allowed to tell anyone?

131 replies

coffeelover3 · 25/11/2020 15:45

So my colleague left last week to have a baby - I say left, as there was no 'going away' present or card for her, because, according to our manager, she wasn't on maternity yet - she took 2 weeks holiday before her official maternity leave starts... I felt bad at the last teams meeting, and she privately said to me she felt disappointed there was no 'going away', I know she meant IRL, but I felt bad there was no online card or collection or anything at all. So at the end of last week manager sent round an email to about 50 people, our department, and any others she might have friends in, with an online card and collection, but said she wouldn't be collecting it until 7 December as that is when she officialy starts 'mat leave'.

So roll on and yesterday I got a text from her, (pregnant colleague) saying she had had the baby yesterday, it was a girl, blah blah, so I sent a text congratulating her. I mentioned it to manager today and she hadn't heard. I said to her should "we" or "her" change the card/collection to be sooner, and telling everyone she had had a baby girl etc, but she said no, that she wasn't "allowed" to tell anyone as colleague is on ANNUAL leave not MATERNITY leave.

I never heard of this before - I already told another colleague on our team - I didn't think it was a secret...?

I'm also slightly embarrassed that we're not doing anything until 7th December. I feel like we should send flowers at least, in the next few days.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BertBertBert · 25/11/2020 17:56

Sorry, I meant whoever lostintheday was quoting is correct. Anyway, cross post

Twizbe · 25/11/2020 17:56

@lostintheday

Your manager is 100% wrong. Maternity leave starts the date you have the baby so she isn't on annual leave anymore

This just isn't true. Maternity leave starts from when you go on maternity leave. I was on maternity leave for 6 weeks before my baby was due!

Just going to clear this up here

Maternity leave can start from the 11th week before expected week of childbirth. That is the earliest you can go.

Your maternity leave starts automatically if either you go sick with a pregnancy related condition in the last 4 weeks before expected week of childbirth OR you hit your due date OR you give birth.

The first two weeks following you giving birth is compulsory maternity leave.

If you take annual leave before you start your maternity leave, you annual leave is cancelled if you give birth. You then have to be on maternity leave.

ReggieCat · 25/11/2020 17:56

There's just one possible explanation - your manager's bonkers.

Ratatcat · 25/11/2020 18:02

Everywhere I’ve ever worked has made a fuss of the pregnant lady leaving abs then sent a card or flowers once the baby was safety here. I would never congratulate anyone if I hadn’t heard the baby was safe and well. In quite shocked so many people pre-empted an announcement for the man who had experienced a still birth. That must have been quite difficult to come back to.

wigglerose · 25/11/2020 18:02

This is so weird on many levels.
Annual or maternity leave pedantry beside which has been dealt with by previous posters, who cares when you send the card and present? We've always given colleagues cards and the collection before they leave (because DUH otherwise someone would need to meet them when they're on mat leave).

It's not like its a birthday present and she's only allowed to open it on her birthday!

TheCrowsHaveEyes · 25/11/2020 18:27

I'm a bit surprised you told work without your colleague specifically asking you to tbh. It's her place to officially notify work if she wants and yy as PPs have said, I'd think your manager is trying to 'protect' your colleague's annual leave especially if it can't be carried over to the end of her maternity leave.

CheetasOnFajitas · 25/11/2020 18:39

@TheCrowsHaveEyes

I'm a bit surprised you told work without your colleague specifically asking you to tbh. It's her place to officially notify work if she wants and yy as PPs have said, I'd think your manager is trying to 'protect' your colleague's annual leave especially if it can't be carried over to the end of her maternity leave.
OP’s post at 15:55 my colleague told me so I could 'pass the word'

You can read all OP’s posts by clicking “see all” under the OP. Good idea to do that before replying.

Bakeachocolatecaketoday · 25/11/2020 18:39

@Fedupalways

And ML started after
ML starts on the day you give birth. It has to by law.
PrtScn · 25/11/2020 18:43

@lostintheday

Your manager is 100% wrong. Maternity leave starts the date you have the baby so she isn't on annual leave anymore

This just isn't true. Maternity leave starts from when you go on maternity leave. I was on maternity leave for 6 weeks before my baby was due!

They are talking about being on annual leave when the baby arrives. Then you are on maternity and not annual leave. Plenty of people start their maternity a few weeks before their baby Is due.
Lovelydovey · 25/11/2020 18:45

That’s bonkers. What type of leave she is using makes no difference to the fact she has left temporarily to have a baby and should be sent off / congratulated as appropriate.

Wheresmykimchi · 25/11/2020 18:46

Sounds like manager is being petty

Gwenhwyfar · 25/11/2020 18:49

@Lollypopsun

Work places are weird. I had my 8 weeks premature at the beginning of the year. My DC spent a few weeks in hospital before being able to come home. I've not had anything off work not even a card. Fair to say I'll not be putting in any collections for anyone when I return to work.
Does everyone know at your work? Or has there been one of these GDPR paranoias and whoever you told doesn't know they can tell everyone else?
RoseAndRose · 25/11/2020 18:50

@BecomeStronger

Is it possible boss is misguidedly trying to do colleague a favour? If when she "left" she planned to use holiday for the first couple of weeks, her maternity leave needs to start the day the baby is born so by pretending she doesn't know baby has arrived, she can avoid making it official iyswim
No she can't - you have to provide evidence of the birth of the baby, which will include the date.

The manager is just being an arse.

Suggest you ask her if you can tell colleagues. If she says 'yes' then just crack on irrespective of what the manager says

Lelophants · 25/11/2020 18:51

It's ridiculous. Loads of people take holiday before mat leave officially starts but you give the present before they go. What's the big issue?

HotSince63 · 25/11/2020 18:56

No @CheetasOnFajitas what the OP actually said in her post of 15:55
was Maybe my colleague told me so I could 'pass the word'

She then followed that up on a later post at 16:07 by saying "Maybe I'll text her and ask her if it's ok to tell everyone in work"

You can read all OP’s posts by clicking “see all” under the OP. Perhaps it's a good idea for you to do that before replying any further.

HTH

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2020 19:02

I didn't know that "going away" gifts were a thing these days! I've honestly never heard of that. Is it the work equivalent of a baby shower then? In all the places I've ever worked then there might be a team lunch on the last day before maternity and some "good luck" hugs. And that would be it until news of the baby reached work in which case work would send flowers, and there would be a collection for a "congratulations on the birth of your daughter/son" card and gift.

I am so surprised at the "going away" idea!

lowlandLucky · 25/11/2020 19:03

What a sad pathetic woman your boss must be, Jealous, i think

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2020 19:05

Meant to add the behaviour of the manager here is weird. I have NEVER worked anywhere where the birth of a child to a colleague is not announced immediately, unless it had been a tragic birth. As others have said, maternity leave starts as soon as the baby is born. Any annual leave can just be swapped over and tagged onto the end of the maternity leave.

andtheHossyourodeinon · 25/11/2020 19:06

GDPR. Having a baby is medical information, so I assume that's why your manager says it's not allowed to be discussed

Bollocks is it GDPR.

CheetasOnFajitas · 25/11/2020 19:07

@HotSince63 I read that “maybe” being in reply to something that someone else had suggested to OP on the thread, and there being a distinction between passing on the news to the manager vs going back to ask about telling the whole team herself when manager declined to do so.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2020 19:15

GDPR. Having a baby is medical information, so I assume that's why your manager says it's not allowed to be discussed

Bollocks is it GDPR.

I agree. Presumably the pregnancy was not kept a secret, so why would the birth? Some people interpret regulations so badly.

Louiselouie0890 · 25/11/2020 19:15

It's not her news to tell everyone. It's the colleagues private business

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2020 19:20

OP,, I just reread your post. If she has texted you then she may have assumed that you've passed the news onto work. You need to text her and ask if you can or if she wants to do it herself. Once people in work know about it there'll probably be a group discussion about a collection, forcing the silly manager's hand a bit. Grin

CommanderBurnham · 25/11/2020 19:20

Honestly, it's none of your business. Don't wait for a collection, send a present and card. It's not your news to announce, so don't mention it.

Then carry on.

Therarestone · 25/11/2020 19:27

It's to do with the holiday she has taken. Her maternity leave has to begin once she has had the baby so she will lose the holiday she has taken or have to have it rolled over to next year which may impact her financially.

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