Is this weird - work colleague had baby but not allowed to tell anyone?

[coffeelover3]

So my colleague left last week to have a baby - I say left, as there was no 'going away' present or card for her, because, according to our manager, she wasn't on maternity yet - she took 2 weeks holiday before her official maternity leave starts... I felt bad at the last teams meeting, and she privately said to me she felt disappointed there was no 'going away', I know she meant IRL, but I felt bad there was no online card or collection or anything at all. So at the end of last week manager sent round an email to about 50 people, our department, and any others she might have friends in, with an online card and collection, but said she wouldn't be collecting it until 7 December as that is when she officialy starts 'mat leave'.

So roll on and yesterday I got a text from her, (pregnant colleague) saying she had had the baby yesterday, it was a girl, blah blah, so I sent a text congratulating her. I mentioned it to manager today and she hadn't heard. I said to her should "we" or "her" change the card/collection to be sooner, and telling everyone she had had a baby girl etc, but she said no, that she wasn't "allowed" to tell anyone as colleague is on ANNUAL leave not MATERNITY leave.

I never heard of this before - I already told another colleague on our team - I didn't think it was a secret...?

I'm also slightly embarrassed that we're not doing anything until 7th December. I feel like we should send flowers at least, in the next few days.

AIBU?

[Therarestone]

So for anyone who wants to be technical maternity leave can start before the baby is born, it can't start 2 weeks later.

[GingerGill]

@KrisAkabusi

GDPR. Having a baby is medical information, so I assume that's why your manager says it's not allowed to be discussed.

^^

Don’t be ridiculous and spout nonsense about GDPR when you’ve blatantly no understanding of the legislation

[tulippa]

All very odd. If I were your colleague I would be hurt and confused as to why no-one was mentioning anything. Everywhere I have worked makes a big deal on the pregnant colleague's last day whether or not it is maternity leave or using up holiday before maternity leave starts. Having a baby isn't something people generally keep secret. Unless something awful has happened which is not the case here.

Get your own card and present and leave your secretive weirdo boss to it.

[mummytippy]

I feel sorry for your colleague and she must be feeling hurt and ignored. I know I would. Having a baby is a big deal!

No idea why your boss is behaving the way she is but I'd certainly but her a card and present from myself and make sure to make a big deal about her lovely news!

I'd also ask if she's let work know as if it comes from her your boss will look terrible if she continues to withold the news imo.

[shrill]

Very strange. So if an employee ended up in hospital (heaven forbid) while on leave, presumably the weird manager would say, no not sick as they are on annual leave! I'd do the can I tell everyone text suggested earlier.

[Lollypopsun]

Everyone knows I had the baby, a email got sent to everyone to tell them I'd had the baby and that my maternity cover would be starting early.
I did think it was rather insensitive that they didn't at least send a card or flowers considering my DC being premature and scbu. I'm not being petty but I just won't put in for any collections for anyone when I return of maternity leave.

[Lollypopsun]

@Lollypopsun

Everyone knows I had the baby, a email got sent to everyone to tell them I'd had the baby and that my maternity cover would be starting early.
I did think it was rather insensitive that they didn't at least send a card or flowers considering my DC being premature and scbu. I'm not being petty but I just won't put in for any collections for anyone when I return of maternity leave.

Forgot to add the quote from another post replying to my post.

[Sewrainbow]

Maternity leave starts the day the baby arrives if it arrives before ML was due to start

[notanothertakeaway]

My DS came early, when I was on annual leave. This triggered my mat leave starting earlier than planned. Employer initially said that I would lose the rest of my annual leave. They backed down when the union offered to pay for me to challenge it, as a test case

I think your manager is trying to help your colleague not lose her annual leave

[EddyF]

I haven’t clicked the DM link but I bet their frothy mouth readers are going bar shit crazy in the comments in support of this ‘old’ lady and their ‘human rights’. They only ever remember human rights when it pertains to them.

I am glad she got arrested.

[Hellothere19999]

It wasn’t for the same reasons but my manager ended up getting me nothing when I went on mat leave. It’s absolutely gutting tbh to do your last shift and receive not even a card. I had one colleague who was really lovely and sent me a gift and said she was really shocked when no one was doing anything and that made me feel better so PLEASE BE THAT COLLEAGUE. ♥️

[EddyF]

Oh gosh...wrong thread! Tried to delete but I can’t

[Wheresmykimchi]

[quote GingerGill]@KrisAkabusi

GDPR. Having a baby is medical information, so I assume that's why your manager says it's not allowed to be discussed.

^^

Don’t be ridiculous and spout nonsense about GDPR when you’ve blatantly no understanding of the legislation[/quote]
I've come across this before to be fair.

[CreamFirstThenJamOnTop]

Manager doesn’t want the annual leave to be rolled over and added on to her annual leave accrued on maternity leave as well as her usual annual leave allowance on return.

When I returned, I had annual leave left from before ML, as well as a year of accrued leave, as well as my usual leave..... it was bloody great! But I imagine it’s a nightmare for managers covering it etc.

[Luciferthecat666]

@coffeelover3 You're manager sounds like a micro managing bitch. I wonder if she has a problem with your colleague to not even organise a card and a nice little present. I had a manager like that anyone she didn't like or had a problem with she didn't bother with. Whenever it was a colleague's birthday she would organise a collection if she liked them, I was one of the ones she didn't like and I got nothing not even a card from other colleagues and I had put numerous fivers in for their birthdays! I never did after that though and when managers birthday came my colleagues had the cheek to come to me with their begging bowl I told them to sod off because they aren't getting a penny out of me! and I did this when their birthdays came as well grabby arseholes

[Skysblue]

Your manager is mad, and a terrible manager.

Flowers and cards aren’t “congratulations on starting maternity leave” they are about the birth.

Send something from yourself asap and don’t tell manager you have done so.

[BananaDaiquiri]

Several people have said it already, but your manager should contact HR and start your colleague's mat leave immediately. This happened to my colleague - went on annual leave and had the baby four weeks early, our manager (very friendly with person who had baby) immediately started her mat leave.

[TheCrowsHaveEyes]

@CheetasOnFajitas perhaps you should read the OP's posts instead of selectively editing them. OP said maybe her colleague had told her so she could tell work. But you know that because you deliberately deleted the 'maybe' so you could imply I hadn't read the post. And then in her next post, she said she'd need to check with her colleague to see if she did want her to tell work.

[OoohTheStatsDontLie]

I thought maternity leave rules as per government were that maternity leave HAD to start when you had the baby or at a date before if you chose

[NiceViper]

Flowers and cards aren’t “congratulations on starting maternity leave” they are about the birth

Exactly. The type of leave really does not matter one iota. The manager is just being an utter killjoy

[coffeelover3]

thanks everyone, after reading through this thread, I texted friend in hospital and asked her was it ok to tell everyone in work, and she said 'of course'! I apologised that she didn't get a 'send off' and told her that manager was organising a card etc but she had said we couldn't send it as she was on annual leave, not maternity leave. I told her people in work were asking after her. She said thanks for telling her and that manager didn't seem to understand maternity leave. Obviously her mat leave started the day she had the baby.
Just for those asking, it's nothing got to do with the manager 'helping' her by not telling HR she had the baby - she's permanent and worked here for years so she is entitled to everything etc, she's not on a short contract or anything like that. Anyway, I emailed everyone and said in it that she had said I could tell everyone. I think people were happy to know - after all it wasn't a secret that she was having a baby right?
Maybe manager is worried about all the annual leave she will accrue during her time off - I know she pretty much forced her to take some before the mat leave otherwise she said (preg colleague) would "never be here when she came back as she'd have so much leave". I don't think she understands that that's pretty normal, and usually you are allowed to tack it onto the end of your maternity leave. At least that's what usually happens here.
I'm glad I emailed everyone. I told colleague that manager said we couldn't send the present/card until 7 December as that's when her mat leave started... she texted back lol ffs. I'm glad I told her as it was so embarrassing.
PS for those saying they didn't get a 'send off' when they were preg - I think it depends what kind of workplace you're in. For my dd I was in a team and we had 'coffee and cake' and they gave me some hand creams and some flowers, which was really nice. And then another 'baby' present when dd was born. But for ds there was nothing when I left, but they did send flowers when he was born.

[notanothertakeaway]

Just for those asking, it's nothing got to do with the manager 'helping' her by not telling HR she had the baby - she's permanent and worked here for years so she is entitled to everything etc, she's not on a short contract or anything like that

I was on a permanent contract, worked there for over 10 years. Employers still tried to get away with not paying my annual leave in full when baby came early

[melisande99]

Absolute b*llocks. Sounds like the manger has completely misinterpreted the law to a bizarre and bonkers degree.

[Lurkingforawhile]

Good work OP, sounds like you handled it well

[ZolaGrey]

Your manager is a pedant.