Is this weird - work colleague had baby but not allowed to tell anyone?

[coffeelover3]

So my colleague left last week to have a baby - I say left, as there was no 'going away' present or card for her, because, according to our manager, she wasn't on maternity yet - she took 2 weeks holiday before her official maternity leave starts... I felt bad at the last teams meeting, and she privately said to me she felt disappointed there was no 'going away', I know she meant IRL, but I felt bad there was no online card or collection or anything at all. So at the end of last week manager sent round an email to about 50 people, our department, and any others she might have friends in, with an online card and collection, but said she wouldn't be collecting it until 7 December as that is when she officialy starts 'mat leave'.

So roll on and yesterday I got a text from her, (pregnant colleague) saying she had had the baby yesterday, it was a girl, blah blah, so I sent a text congratulating her. I mentioned it to manager today and she hadn't heard. I said to her should "we" or "her" change the card/collection to be sooner, and telling everyone she had had a baby girl etc, but she said no, that she wasn't "allowed" to tell anyone as colleague is on ANNUAL leave not MATERNITY leave.

I never heard of this before - I already told another colleague on our team - I didn't think it was a secret...?

I'm also slightly embarrassed that we're not doing anything until 7th December. I feel like we should send flowers at least, in the next few days.

AIBU?

@Fedupalways it does - Mat leave starts on day of birth if baby arrives before officially starting Mat leave. If you’re employer didn’t realise that and let you use your AL and extend your leave then good for them, but they were technically wrong 😉

www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave/leave

Has she been there long enough for maternity leave if she had an earlier due date 🤔

Honestly what kind of weird workplace is this that none of you communicate with each other?

Unless your friend/colleague had said in her text "please keep it quiet" I'd have gone into work after receiving the text and told everyone - "hey great news, X had the baby, shall we do a collection and send flowers?".

Your*

@coffeelover3

maybe my colleague told me so I could 'pass the word' though, and tbh I don't see how manager can be 'protecting' her annual leave as surely the baby's date of birth won't be a secret to HR??

I haven't told anyone else, except manager and one other colleague, but I'm thinking my friend-colleague might be wondering why nobody from work has congratulated her - well maybe not today, but in the next couple of days?

When I had my dc work always sent a bouquet in the first couple of days, I thought that was what we would do, I never heard 'protecting' annual leave before,

I work in HR and we go off what the midwife puts on the MatB1, we're not officially notified of the actual date of baby's birth, the only time we need to know the actual date is for cases of prematurity, more than 6 weeks in advance of the MatB1 estimated date as obviously then the maternity leave needs to start early.

I wonder if PPs who are saying the manager is trying to 'protect' her by keeping the fact baby has been born a bit early are correct, as technically if you are on annual leave when the baby is born this should automatically end and you go onto maternity leave. This shouldn't make any real difference (hence why we don't ask people to notify us of the actual birth date), as you should be allowed to carry over the annual leave you were planning to take over into the next year and then tack it on to your mat leave or take it in the next year, but some companies are a bit sticky about this if they don't have good HR in place, and possibly the manager thinks OP's colleague will 'lose' the leave if it's known she's actually had the baby?

That's all very strange. We had a colleague in a similar situation and it was lovely to be able to write congratulations on the card as it was good news. I'd feel a bit daft if I signed the card and didn't know the baby has arrived.

Yeah I don't think it's anything personal. This manager is incredibly rule-oriented, but this just seems so odd. Like even on the last day I said something like 'we'll definitely have a celebration get together when covid is over' as I felt so bad there was no gift, no nothing. I sent her a little present and card in the post last week just saying good luck.

Yeah I said to manager today that I thought mat leave started when you had your baby but she said 'no no she's on ANNUAL leave, not MATERNITY leave'. Also, when she left colleague sent out emails to all her contacts saying she was going on maternity leave, and manager corrected her saying it was annual leave, and colleague had to explain that as she wasn't coming back in between it was less confusing and made sense to tell them she was gone on mat leave.

I mean a lot of colleagues would use a week or so of annual leave if they had it to spare before officially starting mat leave, as you start to feel very heavy etc etc and appreciate not having to go right to the end.

I think I'll send her a card myself. It's just embarrassing, or maybe I'm the one who is weird. I just never heard of doing it like this before.

@HotSince63

The only thing I can think of is that there's some kind of medical/personal/emotional reason why your colleague has asked for people to hold off sending cards, presents or congratulations messages for a while

But that's not the case because the colleague expressed to the OP that she was disappointed that there was no 'going away' thing arranged.

Well yes but she might have said this but not really meant it, a bit of a throwaway comment knowing there was no possibility of a big leaving do, an 'oh what a shame' thing. Or as I say the manager might be projecting or guessing how the colleague felt and be wrong. Who knows, idle speculation really?

Sounds like the manager might just not be familiar with when maternity leave has to start and thinks they are doing the colleague a favour by allowing her to use her holiday up first

Some managers can be weird about their employees getting pregnant. When I was pregnant with my first child my manager told the whole office (behind my back) that they were not allowed to do any collections, cards, etc for me, but weren't to tell me that he had said that. I didn't find out until I left after maternity leave had finished!

Hmm, I'm nearly 100% sure I had to give in the baby's birth cert.

Maybe I'll text her and ask her if it's ok to tell everyone in work, or maybe I shouldn't bother her. I just never came across this situation before.

Usually I would just be telling everyone the good news, but I'm afraid now! Maybe I shoudlnt have even told manager. I never heard of this before.

@Twizbe

The moment her baby came her maternity leave started.

Check that your colleague is happy to share the news and then sort out the collection sooner

This.

Maternity leave begins now, as she's had the baby. Which means that some of her Annual Leave will probably be classed as unused now, because the maternity leave will override it.

And the manager is beign ridiculous at insisting that the gift/card only be handed out at the "official start" of maternity leave. It should be done on the last day the person is expected to be in the office, because it should be done in person.

@1990shopefulftm

Mat leave automatically kicks in once the baby is born I thought so what your manager says isn't right.

This. Manager is wrong. And just nuts anyway.

@HotSince63

I would cut the manager out and arrange a card, flowers and a collection for your friend/colleague.

You don't need your managers permission to do that.

That's what I'd do, too. Ask people if they want to contribute and do it all via PayPal, then send her either a present or vouchers.

Your manager sounds unhinged.

I bet it's that the boss is embarrassed she's been so slow getting around to sorting the collection and is hoping you won't tell anyone that the baby's been born, so her mistake doesn't seem so bad!

Silly, though.

i think your manager is trying to help the girl - perhaps she will lose the A/L entitlement if its not taken, and will then go onto mat pay much earlier. As others have pointed out, mat leave kicks in automatically when the baby arrives, so it may be better for the mother (and easier with HR) if everyone pretends the baby hasn't arrived.

behaviour re going away card is slightly odd though (unless manager knew that baby's due date was slightly earlier - although the MAT B1 form has to include the EDD and be signed by the midwife, so that's probably not right).

My initial thought was the baby was to be placed for adoption or there was some dire medical circumstances but as pp have pointed out the woman was disappointed at no acknowledgement of her going on mat leave.
What's the bigger picture with the manager ?
Are they generally a bit of a dick ?

This is all very odd - in employmet law terms, maternity leave starts when the baby is born, she'll simply have to tack on the annual leave she couldn't take (due to baby's early arrival) at the end of mat leave. Maybe her manager is waiting for formal notification?

(My baby arrived earlier than expected so I was warned well in advance to tell them if baby arrived early within the first few weeks, so my "unused" annual leave could be noted & tacked on by an HR admin team.)

however there is sometimes a reason why announcements aren't made and you have to be careful about what is shared personally vs. officially. i sadly worked alongside a colleague whose baby was very ill, his wife was rushed into hospital midway through a normal workday without warning, and their son was stillborn, he went away for a few weeks and when he came back there were all these announcements and congratulations messages to come back to. Some people may have preferred to see them to acknowledge his son, but i do remember thinking how poorly handled it was - very insensitively, and really not on. i don't think people were aware, they just knew that he'd left to head to the hospital, so there was no malice intended, but it surely made a terrible situation far worse. totally needlessly.

This is all a bit weird.

Everywhere I’ve worked, the pregnant woman leaving got her card / gift etc on the last day physically in the office, regardless of whether she was going straight onto maternity leave or whether she was tagging annual leave onto the start.

The only thought I have about your manager saying not to tell about the baby’s arrival as your colleague is still on annual leave - could she be trying to “protect” her maternity leave, as ML is supposed to start as soon as the baby arrives?

Bat shit crazy! Your poor colleague, what a weird thing for your manger to do to her.

Maternity leave definitely starts if the baby arrives. And should have been acknowledged on her last working day whatever the official status. She didn't get to have a proper goodbye or well wishes.

Strange way of looking at things. Does your manger have form for this? Playing by the book with no room for common sense? I call it legalism.

I think maxelly may be right - I was in a similar situation. I didn't qualify for any maternity pay from one of my employers, as it was a short contract, and as my maternity leave was not due to start until after the end of the contract, I'd not filled in any maternity paperwork. (Most people would have to do the paperwork anyway, in order to get the bit of paper that qualifies you for maternity allowance, but I was getting maternity pay from my other jobs so didn't need it.) As I was on holiday and not expected back before the birth, that employer never actually knew that the baby had arrived early (although some individual colleagues knew). Technically, if they'd known, they could have withheld the last couple of weeks of pay as I was on unpaid maternity leave not holiday.

Actually maternity leave kicks in as soon as you give birth so she can't be on annual leave

@KrisAkabusi

GDPR. Having a baby is medical information, so I assume that's why your manager says it's not allowed to be discussed.

This makes no sense. For how long is the baby considered the medical information of the mother? Can people know he exists when he goes to school? Even if it is confidential medical information, people have a right to tell people themselves as OP's colleague has done.

Whole thing sounds ridiculous to me (of your manager not you) - yes agree it should have been done before/be done now.

Only thing i can think is that as PP have said, mat leave starts the day the baby is born. If you plan to leave work to have a baby but take a fortnight of annual leave before your mat leave that's fine. If the baby comes earlier than expected (during that fortnight of annual leave) you immediately go onto maternity from the day it was born. It's then up to you/your employer to work out what to do with the annual leave days you weren't able to take - usually that's either paid or taken at the end of mat leave/when you return to work. So i wonder if the manager is being weird about it because they've set up her maternity leave/pay situation incorrectly or something.