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Original poster

SIL has covid and wants us to come for xmas

277 replies

Friendsoftheearth · 24/11/2020 20:12

SIL, BIL and all three dc are just recovering from covid, they will be allowed out again in a few days - despite some of them being relatively high risk they were all ill but fine, so very relieved and happy about that.

However this evening SIL has invited us to her house for christmas - in laws have already passed away - and we are the only family she has. The can't come to us as one of their dc will need to work, and will be joining us later.

SIL said it is great news as she now can't catch covid, so we can relax. DH does not see it that way, and does not want to go, he is worried her house will be covered in covid, and sees the grown up dc as still a risk as no doubt they will go out and party for England. They are late teens and do love to party, which is why they were probably ill in the first place.

Is it is true we are now relatively 'safe' as it will be a month by the time we get to christmas? Are they are a fairly safe bet, or are they still a risk? I know you can get covid twice, but the antibodies are likely to last longer than a month surely? Dh is digging up info that confirms covid stays on surfaces for up to 76 days, and we are putting ourselves and children at risk by even considering seeing them.

I am close to SIL and would like to see them, but not if we are all going to be ill afterwards. DD asthmatic, but otherwise 49-55 age bracket with teen dc. Thank you!

OP posts:
cbt944 · 25/11/2020 20:52

The OP has repeatedly stated he is anxious. Anxiety disorders are very common and many people are experiencing forms of health anxiety along with ramped up generalised anxiety during this time.

angelfacecuti75 · 25/11/2020 21:21

Covid germs don't last that long on surfaces I think it is 3 days. Just go.

WouldBeGood · 25/11/2020 21:23

I genuinely don’t know how anyone could put up with that level of histrionics in a partner.

Luddite26 · 25/11/2020 21:29

Covid germs can be brought in to a house on your hands whether you have just had it or not. That's one of the things the constant handwashing is for. They may not catch it again for a while but it can be on surfaces from somebody sneezing on a bus for example, another person then puts there hand on that surface and carries the virus into the house.
Whether a family have had it a month earlier or not the virus can still be taken into their home and picked up by anybody who hasn't got any form of 'immunity'. So OP's DH still has valid reason to worry.

WouldBeGood · 25/11/2020 21:31

That’s just bollocks. The whole thing is insane.

Even if he gets it, by a million to one chance, there a massive odds that he’ll be fine.

Get a grip.

Celestine70 · 25/11/2020 21:55

Just say you are shielding as much as possible.

TheRubyRedshoes · 25/11/2020 21:58

The poor man! Either he is genuinely scared and won't enjoy himself seeing that one thriving cornora cell waiting for him at her house...

That she missed with cleaning, perhaps on a packet of frozen peas? Waiting for activation in the freezer...

Or, he desperately doesn't want to go and thought covid was the perfect ruse... And now his wife has enlisted mumsnet massive to prove why its safe too... He can't win.

Mamanyt · 26/11/2020 00:15

There have now been several cases of re-infection, world-wide, and from what you are saying, your DSIL now thinks that they are immune, and don't need to take care. THEY CAN BECOME RE-INFECTED. Immunity apparently lasts only a few weeks, then all bets are off. No one knows the exact details on why some seem to be immune after having it once, but it is by no means a sure thing. Err on the side of caution.

TeeniefaeTroon · 26/11/2020 00:23

My daughter is a student, she had Covid and we visited her a week after her quarantine ended, that's how confident I was that we wouldn't catch it. She was in our car, she came home to ours for the weekend and none of us caught it. This was mid October. She is having two tests before she comes home (plus an antibody test) just so we know that she's ok to be around my grandparents at Christmas.

pitujones · 26/11/2020 00:40

Wow can't believe the amount of people that think it's safe because they had it before.... it's because of all those idiots we're still like this. Stay home ffs one year without seeing them won't kill you, you have a daughter that is asthmatic!!! How would you feel if she falls ill because you wanted to visit your SIL and her selfish family that ignore everything that they shouldn't be doing? You are being unreasonable and stupid here, your husband is on the right.

catsarecute · 26/11/2020 00:56

It will probably be fine, although I am kind of in DH's camp in that I have just got my head into the zone that we are not going to see anyone at all this Christmas and that's how it is, maybe he just likes the idea of a quiet Christmas this year. One thought that struck me whilst reading your message was I wonder if he would feel better if they came to you instead? Otherwise, it's not worth pushing him if he's anxious anyway. We'll have vaccinations available soon and will be able to get back towards some sort of normality. We're all coping with this in different ways, and if that's his way of coping, I think that's ok.

WildfirePonie · 26/11/2020 07:00

If you dont feel comfortable then make an excuse.

Oliversmumsarmy · 26/11/2020 09:44

Wow can't believe the amount of people that think it's safe because they had it before.... it's because of all those idiots we're still like this

So what is the point of chasing a vaccine if you aren’t safe once you have had it?

Are you saying that we are like this because people who have had Covid and have since tested negative are out and about spreading the virus they no longer have.

The numbers of people who have had Covid a second time is tiny.
I just don’t believe someone has contracted Covid tested positive for it then 2 weeks later has had a negative test, then caught it again and tested positive then 2 weeks later tested negative then caught it again and tested positive then 2 weeks later tested negative.

If they have I would be seriously reassessing how they where their mask and how Socially Distant they are to people when out

From the world news getting it a 2nd time is a rarity, a 3rd is unheard of

Ddot · 26/11/2020 09:58

Virus would probably be dead by then but can live upto 28days in the fridge. Give it a miss arrange a nice boxing day walk in the park followed by coffee from a flask.

BengalGal · 26/11/2020 10:14

Your husband is totally irrational but fear is rarely rational. I think you should just cater to him and stay home so he can enjoy the day. You could do a girls night in with your sister in law on your own one day soon as it is a very safe house unless they are generally not cautious and might have others around. But easiest is to just placate the scared ones in a pandemic. It is a worrying time. Maybe he will get brave on his own but you can’t force it.

LovelyIssues · 26/11/2020 11:13

Yes they've got it out the way now so will be next to no risk to you.

Biscuitbear8 · 26/11/2020 11:46

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not want to mix in general but using the fact that they have had covid a month before is ridiculous.

CoffeeandCroissant · 26/11/2020 11:52

@Mamanyt

There have now been several cases of re-infection, world-wide, and from what you are saying, your DSIL now thinks that they are immune, and don't need to take care. THEY CAN BECOME RE-INFECTED. Immunity apparently lasts only a few weeks, then all bets are off. No one knows the exact details on why some seem to be immune after having it once, but it is by no means a sure thing. Err on the side of caution.
Latest research suggests that for the vast majority of people immunity after infection lasts for at least 6 months, but possibly for years or even longer. www.nytimes.com/2020/11/17/health/coronavirus-immunity.html

There are only a tiny number of confirmed reinfections worldwide (double figures) despite 60 million cases (and many more untested) which suggests reinfection in the short term is rare.

campion · 26/11/2020 12:01

After reading some of the reasoning on here I'm wondering if I'm living in a parallel universe.

Latest research shows strong antibody response at 6 months. It's an airborne infection so isn't going to be lying in wait on the table 6 weeks later.

Barney60 · 26/11/2020 14:39

Not everyone whos had covid has antibodies.

TheKeatingFive · 26/11/2020 14:41

Not everyone whos had covid has antibodies.

There’s more to immunity than antibodies

Duckwit · 26/11/2020 16:17

I thought that the research was now showing that the chances of becoming infected with Covid twice is still very rare, that antibodies were still being detected months and months later in lots of people, and they think that immunity probably lasts at least a year, probably longer.

The chances of the OPs sister in law having Covid now, catching Covid again before Xmas and infecting the OP is probably pretty much zero.

Madcats · 26/11/2020 16:23

The thought of getting stuck on the M25 is what discourages me from going anywhere this Christmas. It's likely to be grim.

Ddot · 27/11/2020 07:38

Why spoil Christmas for everyone, hubby will be anxious you will be snippy and host will be offended. MERRY BLOODY CHRISTMAS stay at home. Stay safe. Eat drink and pass gas

fiftiesmum · 27/11/2020 08:50

If I was your SIL I would rather not host your Dh over Christmas with his behaviour and having to walk on eggshells sterilising everything before he comes near.
It is very rare to get covid twice so soon after a first infection - so rare that is making international news. The PCR swabs detect bits of RNA so viral bits can hang around to be picked up by tests for a while and as we go through it is being shown that antibodies can still be detected in those who were infected in February and march.
The man is quite prepared to drive on a motorway though which probably varies a greater risk.